Saturday, August 12, 2017

Aaron Boone Hicks has a Yankee moment for the ages

Quick: When I say "Jason Giambi!" what comes to mind? The Golden Thong? His early HRs in the Aaron Boone game, keeping us close? Me, I think of his first Yankee spring... the two out, walk-off grand slam that made his pinstriped bones. From that night on, he was the Giambino, a Forever Yankee. And dammit, the sun can blow up, the universe can retract, and the world can end... but we'll still have that Giambi moment, blowing across the solar winds of time. It happened. They can't take it away from us. 

Now and then, the Fates make some lucky human-being a Forever Yankee. It might be Tex's HR to win the 2009 playoffs. Or Jim Leyritz against Atlanta (or Seattle, or good grief, against Atlanta again - though, yeah, that DWI tragedy can never be ignored.) Or Rauuuuuuul! Or Slade Heathcott's 2015 blast against Tampa. I remember one by Pat Kelly in 2013, stunning the mighty Blue Jays. They are bonding moments that will endure the rest of their - and our - lives.  

They don't all have to be home runs, like Bucky Dent's. Think Lou Piniella - same game - deeking Burleson on that fly ball lost in the sun. Think of Jeter's flip or Jeter's dive. Or Pauly O'Neill's walk against the terrifying Benitez in the 2000 Subway Series, fighting back from a 1-2 count. Was it not the finest at bat ever by a Yankee? (Okay, Ruth did call his shot... but don't stop me, dammit, I'm on a roll!)

Last night, Aaron Hicks inscribed his name into the ledger - Aaron Boone Hicks, that is - twice. In fact, moments after Hicks' HR cleared the fence, Michael Kay made one of his most astute observations in years: He said if the Yankees happen to win anything this season, Hicks' homer will be considered historically equal to the assassination of a Boston Archduke Ferdinand. It will go down as the night the Yankees jolted the Redsock '17 Hall of Fame Superteam of Destiny (TM.) 

Little did we know that one-half inning later, Hicks would do it again - his throw to third beating the helmetless Eduardo Nunez and saving El Chapo's tattooed - and increasingly frazzled - neck. 

Frankly, Kay could have gone a step further. No matter what happens, Aaron Hicks will always hold two special moments in our hearts. I, for one, don't ever remember a home run ball taking longer to come down. It seemed to float up there in the lights, taunting us, temping us, like Geraldo Rivera in front of Al Capone's vault... and like all the other false moments we've seen this year. Then it landed. Fair. Home run. Suddenly, there was light.

Bit of trivia: Last night, the Yankees won at every level - throughout their major and minor league teams. It was as if the gods decided to grant us one magnificent moment for 2017. Regardless of what happens the rest of this year, we'll always have the Hicks game. And we better enjoy it. 
Amazing shot of Alphonso watching
in his bunker during 7th inning.

We just gave Boston one hell of a bloody pineapple suppository. Think about it: At that point in the night, every Redsock fan in captivity was watching with only one thing in mind: The chance to revel in our agony. They were cats playing with their food. They were self-pleasuring themselves in the silence of a humiliated Yankee Stadium crowd. You better believe that, throughout New England, little Redsockian boys and girls - future Boston jihadists - were being allowed to stay up late, so they could be brainwashed by the Yankee defeat.

And you know what? They just got an Aaron Boone Hicks moment for the ages. Thank you, juju gods. Thank you, Fates. And most of all, thank you, Aaron Hicks. Kay understated it. No matter what happens this year, 2017 wasn't a waste. 


13bit said...

Okay, you want a quick "boots on the ground" report? Well, here it is, whether you like it or not. My friend, Tom, and I were there last night - as I had announced with some ceremony here in these comments a couple of days ago. We are both big IIHIIF fans and would still love to find a way to have a meet up. I was even thinking, short of telegraphing my phone number or email to the world in this less-than-anonymous forum, of doing real-time reports in the comments here while at the stadium. Could be unwieldy, but it could work.

OR, there is another way, We came in on a $15 special that Tom had gotten in his email door slot. 15 smackers and you get access to the stadium, a complimentary beer or soda seat. I was prepared for the worst, but it turned to to be a revelation. We walked all around the whole game, watched from various vantage points on various levels, leaned on various counters, and ate like feral pigs from many and various vendors, including Linda's Egg Creams, the Mozzarella guys, Garlic Fries central, and the ubiquitous and ancient Ye Olde Yankee Lemonade Women, who were not so old, by the way. We had a blast. We never got bored, we made new friends, we saw the game from different angles, we were not glued to a seat with horrible neighbors, and we clocked over a mile and a half in steps on Tom's phone app. What's not to like. 15 bucks!!! And we didn't even redeem our free drinks. It's one of my new favorite things to do in the city for cheap. AND, THIS IS WHAT I WAS GETTING AT - if a bunch of us from this blog did that, we could meet ANYWHERE! Free range fanatic fans. Think about it. Maybe we can coordinate to do this for the next 15$ promotional game.

Okay, on to the game. I'm not sure this translated well on TV, but Boston's starter, who was it? - oh yeah - Cy Koufax - shut us down and turned it into the slowest and deadliest manifestation yet of our 10 year malaise of hitlessness (rhymes with "witlessness"). As Tom put it, "This is like watching paint dry." LUCKILY, we did not have seats, so we just walked around and ate and had a grand old time. The horrible lack of hitting was not a burden. We killed our feelings with food and moved on. We explored. We adventured, to use a verb I detest. When I got lonely, I went and sat on a stall in the john and listened to The Master's voice, as his stentorian tones soothed me - although not enough to loosen my bowels. I just sat there and relaxed, then came out and we ordered some more food. I was thinking of bolting in the 8th when the magic happens. Because, as WE all know - you just can't predict baseball. We were clutching the back of some seats in Section 214b, wondering if the crazy fat kid who was guarding the aisle would let us sit down for a spell, when the Bombers opened up the bomb bay and unloaded on those stinking Sox. It was all the better to have a young Boston fan near us and to watch his silent pain, the external manifestation in his face of 100 years of internalized blue-ball-ituded - despite the aberrant record of the 21st Century. Anyway, we stood there and watched the miracle happen. I was going to move at one point from our spot when Tom turned to me and said "We can't move - remember the JUJU rules." and that was that. Of course, when El Chapo almost shit the bed, we both headed off to relieve our bladders and, make no mistake, it was a close call, but a win is a win. I will never trust Chappy again and would like to trade his ass for some guac and a bag of chips, but that's just me. I'm sure you all love him.

Anyway $15 for all of that. Best deal in Gotham City. CAN WE GET A BLOG GET-TOGETHER HAPPENING BEFORE EARLY SEPTEMBER, when I leave town for a bit? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE???

I love you all.

13bit said...

Sorry, all. Next time, I will proofread my post and correct the typos.

KD said...

When I hear Jason Giambi I instantly recall Bob Shepard announcing his at bat by calling him Jason Gambino.

KD said...

If we met up it'd have to be in a handicap section. No games for me this year. Been the Summer of Pain. Foot surgery is the pits, man.

el duque said...

Let me think on this. I'd be willing to go if Mustang and Alphonso could be coaxed. (Alf talks about doing it, but doing it is another matter.)

13bit said...

Ok, let me cogitate on this.

Anonymous said...







I'm Bill White said...

I see a future of pay-by-the-inning baseball. I see a future where entire sections of stadiums are moving, like the Haunted Mansion at Disney, timed for you to transverse a part of the field for a part of the game, watching the game as you eat your food and drink your beer without the 9 inning commitment, and at twice the price. I see a future. I see a future.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Love the plan, 13bit, and love your account—especially the parts about the feral pigs, and the Olde Lemonade Women!

So, this from the NY Times' Yankees haters today, on Hicks' home run:

"a routine out in most ballparks, but not in Yankee Stadium."


One park it would also have been a home run in, with its short, weird, right field corner: Fenway Park.

One other possible place the Yankees and Red Sox would be playing a ballgame: Fenway Park.

So the way that should read is: "a home run in any conceivable place where the Yankees and Red Sox would be playing."

I await their correction.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

That's a great write-up 13bit. Thanks for taking the time to do it ... and screw the typos.

Concerning your idea for an IIH outing, I'd be up for that. I've wondered in the past that perhaps a mid-week day game outing might be fun? The advantages as I see them are:

     1) It's day baseball.

     2) It's a hooky day from work.

     3) A group of tickets should be easier to come by.

     4) People traveling from out of town could conceivably get back home again in the
     same day and thus avoid the need to pay for a NYC hotel room.

If the above makes sense, let me kick this further along by pointing out that these would be our options:

     - Wednesday, August 30, 1:05pm, Cleveland Indians

     - Wednesday, September 20, 1:05pm, Minnesota Twins

     - Friday, Septmember 29, 1:05pm, Toronto Blue Jays

Obviously, any other day or night would work, but I'm hoping that by narrowing this down to some exact dates/possibilities people might actually be able to envision it as a reality.


Moeteef said...

Sounds like fun, but how do we recognize each other? Should be pretty easy to recognize LBJ and Alphonzo from their avatar photos, though.

Anonymous said...



13bit said...

I could wear something really visible and stupid. I miss "meet at the bat!"

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