Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Sign of the Eclipse-alypse: New York tabloids achieve once-in-lifetime singularity over punny Sonny

If you're for a reason to await the Rapture, here you go!

Just days before the looming Solar Eclipse-alypse, the New York tabs today achieved the exceedingly rare, once-per-1,000-years, back page singularity... with a headline pun about someone named... this is scary... Sonny.

I'm not making this up. Here is today's rear end of the Daily News.

And here is the Murdoch Post.

What does this mean? Nothing, of course. Who believes in ancient prophesies! Not me. It's just a wad of nonsense! Nevertheless, over the next few days, my postings might be delayed. I'll be selling my house and possessions, cashing in bank accounts, and moving to the million-year-old salt caverns located a mile below Seneca Lake. I'm not sure if the new digs get YES broadcasts. 

Sonny and Scare. Why didn't I think of that?


Anonymous said...

I got you, Babe! Be really afraid, because Sonny hit a tree and croaked, and only Scare is left. Try applying THAT to the Yankiverse. LB (No J)

Mustang said...

Shouldn't yesterday's and today's Yankee back pages also be counted as Mets back pages?

Take your thumb off the scale, Duque!

JM said...

A salt cave under Seneca sounds like a good idea. Salt caves are very good for allergies and sinus conditions. There's some kind of healthful quality to a salty environment. In Poland, there are salt caves--or is it an old salt, wait, that's Austria--where you can actually rent a "room" and sleep overnight. There are some very pretty accoutrements down there, too; chandeliers and such.

By the way, the Austrian salt mine is there due to a salty past in that area of the country. It's why Salzburg is called Salzburg: literally, Salt Town. Big money in salt back in those days.

Chapman says the hammy is nothing. Of course, it would be like him, from what I can see, to say it's nothing, keep pitching, and suck even worse because he has a bad hammy. We shall see.

Cessa's on the DL now. Too bad.

If Bird comes back--big if--what happens then? Does Cooper get traded? Does his biggest career upside with the Yanks entail becoming Bird's backup at some point in the future? Do the Yankees give up on Bird eventually?

When does Headley's contract run out? What about Chris, I mean, Frazier? I've come to like both of those guys, but enough is enough.

To come full circle, Girardi playing those two all the time and holding down Cooper is just pouring salt in our wounds.

I'm sure I'll be peppered with criticism for that one.

Parson Tom said...

"If Bird comes back--big if--what happens then? Does Cooper get traded? Does his biggest career upside with the Yanks entail becoming Bird's backup at some point in the future? Do the Yankees give up on Bird eventually? "

Start Bird back in a platoon with Cooper. Then you've got a big bopper on the bench for pinchhitting. Get rid of Headley and Frazier (that aint gonna happen, I know.) Bring up Andujar.

Leinstery said...

Many ancient civilizations viewed eclipses as bad omens. What will probably happen is Robert Gsellman and his 6.16 era will throw a no hitter against them tonight and Greg bird will re-injure himself in the 2nd inning. And then before the shadow has lifted, Cashman will resign Todd Frazier to a 10 year extension.

Moeteef said...

"Salt in our wounds". "Peppered with criticism". This is good stuff.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

If you're for a reason to await the Rapture, here you go!

Ahhh, a reference to "the Rapture", previously scheduled for May 21, 2011, then postponed until October, 2011, and now postponed indefinitely.

(For those who might have forgotten, there was a big to-do when Harold Camping, a squinty-eyed, dim-bulb preacher, worked some fierce 'rithmetic to predict that last day of the world.)

One of my favorite parts of that Rapture came when the New York times interviewed the children of all the acolytes who had quit their jobs, sold their possessions, etc. According to the article, when one of the mothers told her teenage daughter to make her bed, the daughter replied "What's the point if the world is going to end on Saturday?"

Brief bursts of sanity are welcome no matter the source. I cling to moments of clear-thinking like these as I ponder the contract of Todd Frazier.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Oh, I thought you meant Blondie's "Rapture." Completing the triple crown for the group, after their ventures into new wave and disco. They also did some song half in French—"Denis, Denis," or some such. I think it was a tribute to Denny McLain.

ranger_lp said...
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ranger_lp said...
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ranger_lp said...

The 900 lb gorilla in the room is that Joe Madden ruined Chapman by how he used him in the post season. It's a disgrace what he did to him. The Yanks now have damaged goods that can't be traded anywhere. Doesn't matter how fast he throws, his pitch looks like a rope and it will go out of the park faster than it came in.

Moeteef said...

Ranger is absolutely right about Madden ruining Chapman. This is why the best thing just might be a significant hamstring injury that sidelines him for the rest of the season. Seven or eight months of rest and rehab might just save his career, and the Yankees investment in him. It's really all about next year anyway, when Bird and Frazier are back and Andujar, Adams, Sheffield et al arrive. And in the short run we won't have to watch that sweaty bastard tank any more games.

Parson Tom said...

But if Maddon really did "ruin" Chapman, remember that it was a bargain Chapman was probably eager to make. He knew he was on the stage for a career contract -- multi-generational money. Maddon was trying to win a World Series and Chapman was trying to be the hero. Both sides knew what they were doing. The people who didn't know what they were doing were the Yankees braintrust, who should have had a guy walking in front of them with a flashing neon sign that said "Buyer Beware!" in very large letters.

It's real nice when you have a bullpen All Star -- real nice -- but even though we had Mariano for all those great years, we have to admit Yankee experience is dotted with numerous amazing, late-inning, Pineapple meltdowns of the sort that I find too painful to catalog here. But more often than not, bullpens are full of el duque's lugnuts, guys who bounce around the league, get hot once in a while but get overused and become like the rest of us except they get to wear a uniform and get knocked around on the mound every few days.

The more money you throw at the problem the better the bullpen is, and the Yankees have made big investments in their bullpen, trading several prospects and players and cash. But you don't hitch yourself to a long-term contract for ridiculous money for a relief pitcher -- not even a CLOSER like Chapman, not unless you want to watch another has-been show up for work to collect a paycheck for five years while trying his hardest but never delivering the results he used to get back before the big contract.

I mean, there is a common sense component to this, right? The Yankees' age-old approach -- buy high and sell low -- will continue to haunt this team until the team either stops signing these guys or starts cutting them -- big paycheck and all -- when they consistently demonstrate that they suck. Chapman's not there yet. Maybe psychotherapy will help. But the doctors' diagnosis on Headley, Ellsbury and Frazier is in: They are not good enough to play every day, and they are blocking the arteries of the roster like a big fat piece of aged beef. Excise!

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