Friday, August 18, 2017

Imagine a best of seven series against the Redsocks to determine the fate of the division, and that's what's about to unfold

Comrades, this is it...

Tonight, we face off against a horde of armed, torch-wielding, neo-Redsock Bostonian supremacists, with little more than clubs and helmets (though I trust somebody will bring a few spray cans of testosterone.) 

Since mid-February, back when a resurrected Yankee-Redsock rivalry was merely a fleck of Steinbrennerian toe-jam on Randy Levine's gin-soaked tongue, we have awaited the last two fateful weeks of August like that asshole DJ's hand, as it prepared to grope Taylor Swift's butt. This is it, people. No tap-backs. The juju gods are about to decide 2017, once and for all.

Between now and Labor Day, we play Boston seven times - the last four in NYC over the barbecue weekend. It's possible that these games won't change much in the standings: If so, Boston wins. Either way, the dye shall be cast. We won't get another shot at Mookie and Dusty without winning a one-game Wild Card, and none of us likes setting a season full of eggs in such a flimsy paper basket.

Tonight, the young, innocent Jordan Montgomery goes against the vile Drew Pomeranz, who needs to be whipped like the rented mule he became last season, when the Redsocks traded for him and immediately started whining that San Diego sold them damaged goods. This will be the toughest test yet for Monty, entering the Fenway snake-pit against a lineup that saw him only last week. We want him to be the next Andy Pettitte. That's a lot to ask of a rookie. But if he gives us six innings and a fighting chance, he'll be on his way.  

Tomorrow, it's CC against Chris Sale, the latest god of Boston, a match-up that normally would strain all hope. But the last time CC pitched at Fenway - the only time this season - he fired six shutout innings and gave up 2 hits. Dare we believe in that knee brace? Or will it be one of those Fenway debacles, when we embarrass ourselves on national TV?

Sunday, Sonny Gray faces that dangerous Boston pitcher, To Be Determined. Frankly, I always fear TBD, because, throughout the years, nothing regularly unhinges veteran Yankee lineups more than some career minor leaguer who steps from the fog of a Calgon Bath Oil commercial. TBD always seems to rise to the occasion. As for Sonny, well, by Monday's eclipse,  we should know everything about the guy for which we traded three of our top ten prospects. 

And let's be real here: At least one of these games will balance on the shoulder of Aroldis Chapman, the looming Yankee contractual pariah. We simply won't have enough bullpen firepower to give him a free weekend with the Netflix password. He'll have to pitch sometime, and the Fenway crowd will mock him like Queen Cersei on her Walk of Atonement. He'll either rise to the occasion or... dear god, I can't think about it. Too painful. It starts tonight. Big game tonight. And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...


JM said...

Cripes, already. Just let Jon Snow borrow one of the damn dragons and wipe out the army of the dead, already. By which I mean the Red Sox and their horrible Fenway fans.

This week, the Yankees proved once again that they can beat a team that really sucks, but there wasn't a laugher among the wins. Poor Mitchell. But I hear he has great stuff.

el duque said...

I'm really bummed about Mitchell. I always envisioned him as the third leg of the Overachiever Yankee Triad - Phelps, Warren and Mitchell - that is, pitchers who worked their way through the system, without fanfare, and ended up with better careers than the more ballyhooed prospects. Now, I'm not sure. How's Caleb Smith doing in Scranton?

Anonymous said...

Eegad, Duque, you've outdone yourself this time, for certain: "Steinbrennarian toe-jam on Randy Levine's gin-soaked tongue" - - masterful!! What an image! Almost makes me forget Tuesday's press-confab...almost.

On top of that, a Hamlet reference - - love it.

On another matter entirely, IF that DJ did grope Taylor Swift's rear, I'll bet he came up pretty disappointed...Just sayin'...

Onward & upward!! We must defeat the evil Red Nazi Army!! The Alt-Right ain't right - - not for baseball, either. Go, Yanks, and Go, Duque!

Parson Tom said...

sink or swim starting tonight. remember back when Sheffield and A-Rod started banging balls off the Monstah so hard that you could hear the metallic clang. that was great. let's do it again.

KD said...

I'm really shocked by what is happening in our formerly great Nation.

now we have dudes who scoff at the possibility of grabbing Taylor Swift's ass?

OMG! Shoot me now!!

Anonymous said...

Yup, you got it, KD - - just tell me where to shoot. Taylor Swift's too bony - - wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot pole (if I were lucky enough to have one handy).
She goes through lovers pretty regularly - - one week, they're blissfully in love, the next, they're splitting up. Should tell you something. LB (No J)

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