Dining Out in Queens This Weekend? Hope You Like PINEAPPLE!

I write this with no reference to ODUMODU, or Dr. Bogdan, or any of the other JuJu gods, before whom I gladly prostrate myself and acknowledge that I am a lowly worm.

JuJu aside, the simple logic of baseball must lead us to accept that we are in for a royal pineappling this weekend at the Stadium Formerly Known As Shea and That Should Be Known As Robinson.

All of the indications are there. Yes, the Yankees are winning at a clip we have not seen in 20 years. Yes, they are hitting home runs as we have not seen, well, from anyone, ever. Yes, the pitching turned around and stole one for us last night, our seventh win in the last eight games.

What's not to love?

But as the Pride of Russell, Kansas, Bob Dole, used to like to say, you know it, and I know it, and the American people know it:  this can't continue. We are becoming more of a tightrope act than Philippe Petit in these wins.

While Stanton seems to be finally rounding into form, most of our "veterans" are sputtering, with Gary Sanchez swinging last night as if he thought he was playing cricket. It's gratifying to see us win game after game thanks to the Gold Dust Twins at second and third, but just how long can a couple of rookies, talented as they are, continue to carry the lineup?

Meanwhile, the Mets have reach absolute rock bottom. If they get any lower they will sink into the igneous layer of the earth's crust.

Watching some of their game against the Orioles today, it kept reminding me of the 1969 World Series, mainly because all the players looked decrepit enough to have played in those games. This time, instead of J.C. Martin's sacrifice bunt winning the game, Asdrubel Cabrera popped into a double-play, giving the pathetic O's a 2-1, 1-0 series victory over the Metsies—scores that read more like a home-and-away contest in the Champions League.

Truly, the Mets just cannot play any worse. They are now 16-31 after their scintillating, 11-1 start. They are 0-6 on this homestand, and they have scored exactly 2 runs in their last 42 innings.

What's more, they are loaded for bear—well, all right, at least for very mean badger—this weekend, which will be their "little World Series," as Jack Curry called it on YES.

Their pitchers will be Legroom and Cinderella, deGrom and Syndergaard, with Steven Matz, who has looked very sharp of late, tucked in between. They have just activated one of their better relievers, Anthony Swarzak, and their Toms River pepper pot, Todd Frazier. There are rumors that Cespedes for the Rest of Us may come off the DL at the last minute, too, and go all Willis Reed on us.

Expect them to be angry, mean, and motivated, and their fans to be like rabid dogs.

Meanwhile, we are throwing Tanaka, German, and Severino against them. I would have preferred to have Sevvy in the mismatch with Matz, in an effort to steal one game, at least, and then maybe pit CC against Thor. But Ma Boone is going with the marquee match-up, Savvy-Syndie. Ugh.

Combined with the fact that we have to let our pitchers bat, thereby negating part of our advantage over the queens of Queens, and the fact that they will have a day off to rest, as well as to get mad as hell...well, it doesn't look good. Every single sign is pointing to them reviving and our luck expiring.

I'm thinking a three-game pineappling, one that will have us gnashing our teeth and staying off the street as frenzied Mets fans run amok, hurling firecrackers and shooting bleach at each other.

Good times!