This is getting weird

I'm in the store about a week ago, looking to indulge in my worst vice—imbibing the unadulterated, completely worthless and probably carcinogenic chemicals that constitute Diet Coke—when I see they've started their silly, first-names-on-the-bottles summer promotion.

And what name to my wondering eyes should appear?  "Contreras."

Right there, on a bottle label, like some kind of terrible omen. I mean, WTF? Is "Contreras" even a first name now? I carefully, carefully backed away from it, the way you would on discovering an unexploded bomb.

Then, the other day, back in the store, I see another "first name":  Rivera. I am not making this up. Here's the proof:



Right? As you can see, it's on a bottle of Coke Zero, which I normally don't even drink, thinking it's just another marketing ploy. What's the difference, right? Diet Coke has one calorie, Coke Zero has none. Are you kidding me?

But here it was: Rivera. So I bought it.

The other day, we get down to the Astros, 2-1, and I decide, what the hell. I pull it out, drink some. We rally, go up, 5-2. El Chapo gives up that run-scoring double in the ninth. I quickly gulp down some more of this swill. Chapo rights himself. We win!

So now...what do I do? Save the magic Rivera bottle until the playoffs? Is this some gift from the gods, or some crazy JuJu trick.

BUT WAIT!  There's more...