Friday, August 3, 2018

I Feel Better Than All Of You Today

The reason is simple.

I am a coward.

I have learned that extreme stress can cause heart ailments and even death.

So I chose not to turn on the Yankee game.  After all, they are playing in Boston.  Those fans remind me of mobs in Tehran.  And for them to witness and cheer the humiliation of the Yankees, brings back the storming of the US Embassy and helicopters failing in the desert sand.

So I decided, early, to protect myself from my own rage.  Like the ostrich, if I don't see it happening, then it simply isn't happening.

As an alternative, I join my wife in the exciting game of watching real estate live from Waco, Texas;  " do we re-model our house, honey, or buy a new one?"

Drinking barrel bourbon on the rocks does the trick and, soon enough, the game in Boston has ended. The score sent me shivers, yes, but no high anxiety where I throw things and propel myself into the drywall.

After Sonny Gray's meltdown against the Birds, thus setting up the ruination of our pitching rotation in Boston, I saw little reason to be painted red by the performance of a superior organization.

Neal Walker is still playing.  Clint Frazier is learning how to make birds in origami class, Jesus Sanchez is inhaling burritos and ice cream sandwiches, Torres is playing second as if he were Gary Sanchez, and the menu of observations cited by El Duque ( eg lack of hustle, meaningless power, bad defense, zero managing finesse, poor pitching, etc.) validate my cowardly strategy.

I am alive today, and the house remains undamaged and in order.  There is not a single strand of spaghetti clinging to the dining room wall.  Can all of you say the same?

I plan do the same for the next three games.

When I rejoin the living, we'll still only be out of first place by 8 or 9 games.  And we'll have all that talent recently acquired by Brian Cashman, re-shaping the team into older mediocrity.  A team with no chemistry and no energy.  A team shaped after solo homers, weight, and lack of hustle.  A team with Gray but not Sheffield.

I do worry about the wild card, though.

3 comments:

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Oh Yes> I'm taking your sage advice for the rest of this series!

ranger_lp said...

You're right..you do feel better than me...

But I'm seeing something I don't like...our illustrious GM Cash for Clunkers might have decided that we couldn't catch the Red Sox this year. So what does he do? Tank. He gutted his farm system and our bench players for Clunker players that don't have a snowballs chance of winning a division, let alone the wild card and got international monopoly money which we started Cashing in on with some tween players that have the same odds of making the majors as us winning the World Series this year. Just so we can get under the cap this year. Mark those words...get under the cap. That was the goal this year, not winning the Series or a place in the Bud Selig Memorial game but under the cap. We accomplished this. You can start looking forward to football season starting now.

1-877-TANK418

And just when you thought that it was safe to watch a Yankee game, Sonny Gray goes back to the rotation.

Anonymous said...

THIS IS A GREAT POST ALPHONSO.

AS MOST CAN TELL, WHEN IT COMES TO THE YANKEES, I AM HIGH STRUNG, ALWAYS STRESSED, AND BOIL HOT TEMOERED MOST EVERY GAME.

NOW AT MY AGE, OBVIOUSLY THIS IS NOT HEALTHY.

AFTER 50 YEARS I'M TRYING TO LEARN METHODS TO DIVERT ATTENTION FROM IMMINENT RAGE IN TIMES AND GAMES LIKE THESE.

THE METS HELP IMMENSELY.

IT ALWAYS FEELS GOOD TO SEE THEM WALLOWING IN THE MIRE.

THIS IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

FINDING A MOVIE I REALLY LIKE HELPS TOO

OF COURSE, THE SICKNESS RETURNS AND I KEEP SWITCHING THE GAME BACK ON.

....BUT THE PERIODIC BREAKS DO HELP, EVEN THOUGH THE RAGE STILL REMAINS.

METS ARE THE KEY.