Wednesday, August 1, 2018

I Hereby Re-Name Gary Sanchez; Jesus.

You all remember when the Yankees had a highly touted catching prospect;  Jesus Montero.

Montero kept having trouble catching the ball.  For one thing, his head was too large for any conventional face mask, and one had to be forged in Indiana.  For another, it seemed his mitt was made of the same resistant steel as the mask.

His amazing hitting in the minor leagues did not translate to the major leagues.  He had power, but would tend to go 1-35, with his one hit being a solo dinger, and the remainder of his outs were rally-killing double plays and egregious strike outs.

He was, of course, traded to Seattle for  a pitcher who amounted to nothing, and the arguments still endure about which team did worse in the deal.

One day, whilst in his Seattle uniform, a fan verbally and visually assailed the ever expanding waistline of Jesus Montero by showing this:



:



And sending a few to the bench.





This engaged the young man.  Who pretty much disappeared from the game.


So, until Gary Sanchez re-images himself, I am re-naming him : Jesus Sanchez.

In 2018, he is hitting like the original Yankee Jesus ( under .200 ); he cannot catch the ball;
he is too pudgy to run or hustle; he hits into rally-killing double plays, he strikes out endlessly, and he spends most of his time not playing.

Seriously, folks, he has been awful in 2018 and most players would not have survived this long with the big club.

So Gary is the new Jesus.

And we all know what happened to him.

16 comments:

KD said...

If the Yankees can tell a guy how long his hair can be as well as the extent of his facial hair, can't they also mandate a weight range? weight is no big deal. we know how to handle the problem: eat less, do more.

wire his fucking mouth shut, for crying out loud! Fat Sancho could drop weight fast. 10 years ago I was hospitalized for 12 days. Couldn't eat and was on I.V. fluids for 10 days. I lost 35 lbs.

There is no excuse for a professional athlete to be fat when the extra weight has a negative impact on performance.

It's like Hoss says, the guy is not a serious person. He is floating through life supported by his innate talents. Hard to be a fan of such a player.

Carl J. Weitz said...

Jesus Montero's power and whatever talent he had came from juicing. That's why he was suspended twice.

8/5/13-Mariners' Jesus Montero gets 50-game suspension, won't appeal.

9/29/16-Blue Jays' Jesus Montero: Suspended 50 games - CBSSports.com

Montero was released by the Baltimore Orioles on June 27, 2017. On July 11, 2017, he signed with the Sultanes de Monterrey of the Mexican Baseball League. He was released before the start of the 2018 season on January 23, 2018. On February 15, 2018, he signed with the Generales de Durango of the Mexican Baseball League.[67] He was released on April 24, 2018.

LOLOL!

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


Just tuned in to the Orioles game. Sonny on the mound. He's thrown 24 pitches. It's inning #2. There's one run in (for them) -- with no outs and bases loaded.

I'm dismayed. Not surprised, tho.

....oops now it's --3. To the freaking Orioles. One of the worst teams in the history of teams......

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


Now, 3rd inning with 6 runs in. Sonny threw 57 pitches, yielding 2 walks and 6 hits in the process. All runs earned.

Now that he's out, the question is -- why was he allowed to start?

In the context of the current post: Let's call him Sonny The Baptist, and do to him what Herod is said to have done to John.

Anonymous said...

PLEASE keep raining!!!

Ken of Brooklyn said...

The Curse of SASHA GREY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAHhhhhHHHHAHHHHAHAHHHHHHhh!

Anonymous said...

This is really the first game that I put on Aaron Boone. They came out flat and he left Sonny in when he clearly had nothing. I hope they take this time in the clubhouse to hold a couple of meetings with some serious yelling.

Doug K.

HoraceClarke66 said...

HE'S BACK! Alphonso is back, and all's right with the world!

Look, we'll pretend that we all don't know you were on a secret, Moe Berg-like mission to either bring Ellsbury back to the Bronx or kill him. We don't blame you for failing...or DID you fail???

HoraceClarke66 said...

Re Montero, I think Carl Weitz has hit it on the head.

Fat Jesus had an excellent September in his one, very limited stint with us: .328 with 4 HRs in 18 games, and a .996 OPS.

His first year in Seattle, he wasn't bad on the road, away from their pitcher's park: .295/.330/.438/.768.

Then, it all went bad, very abruptly. This has juice smeared all over it.

As for Sanchez, as far as I'm concerned, he has already been sentenced to a worst fate than Our Lord and Savior ever endured: Death by Cincinnati.

This is a wonderful game, which doesn't last very long, and for which players are rewarded, as Monty Python would say, with all the gold they can eat. If they don't want to be there...

When you go to a Broadway play, you don't see a couple of the actors pull up suddenly, laugh, and say, 'Hey, I don't remember the next line. But who the fuck cares? Maybe I'll sing a song or something.'

When you go see some summer blockbuster movie, the screen doesn't suddenly go blank, replaced with a title card that reads, "Imagine lots of really scary dinosaurs and shit here."

In the modern Western world, we all do a lot of silly, funny things to entertain each other. But if we don't at least try to do it well, there's no point to it. If Gary Sanchez doesn't get that or doesn't want to get it, he ought to go out on the job market and see where his resume gets him.

As for me, it's already too late. I don't want to even hear about the four-year, Rick Cerone-like soap opera that awaits his return.

Cincinnati for you!

HoraceClarke66 said...

"Well beat the drum and hold the phone
The sun came out today..."

Aww, nuts.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

The curse of Sasha Grey? It spilled over to Amber (or is it Ginger) Lynn. One batter then rain delay. Great frikkin Yankee debut. I'm surprised he didn't blow out his elbow and get referred to Dr. Andrews.

The good news is, Amber/Ginger can treat it as a bullpen session.

TheWinWarblist said...

I like ice cream sandwiches. All catchers do.

TheWinWarblist said...

So yeah. Sunny allows 10 baserunners in less than three innings. Of course he did. It's damp and humid. No one can perform under these circumstances.

Michael Forrest said...

In all fairness Jesus hit pretty well during his short stint with the yankees. That includes their shit performance in the playoffs.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

I advocate J.J., for Jogginson Jesus Sanchez. He runs to first as fast as Joggie and he eats like Jesus.

And I'd doubt they'd get a zero turn mower for Sasha right now. Maybe a used lawn-boy push mower.

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