Virtual Baseball: Yanks Scare Reds, 14-3. More Scares for Torres—and The Master.

Today in Virtual Baseball, the New York Yankees mercilessly pounded the Cincinnati Reds, 14-3, with the help of six solo home runs.  But the Bronx Bombers suffered scares of their own to some of their nearest and dearest personnel, on and off the field.

First, shortstop Gleyber Torres, who has once again excelled this season at hitting home runs against the Baltimore Orioles, had to come out of the game after suffering what was later described by the team as a radial pull of the mephistophelian occlusion.

The Yanks expect Torres to only be out for a game or two.  But just two innings after he was forced to leave, replacement Tyler Wade suffered a hairline fracture of his right forearm when he was hit by a pitch.

In the clubhouse afterwards, Wade paused who trying to unlace his spikes, sobbing aloud, "Why me? Why me?"  Superb Thairo Estrada finished the game at shortstop, a.k.a., the Bermuda Triangle, but the Yanks announced after the game that they would be calling up Kyle Holder, who is currently hitting .213 at Scranton-Wilkes Barre, but who has impressed onlookers with his glove work.

The injuries overshadowed another impressive hitting performance by the Yanks, who hit eight different Cincinnati pitchers with abandon.  Gio Urshela, Mike Ford, Gary Sanchez, and Brett Gardner, each homered, while Mike "Walkie" Tauchman hit two dingers.  "El Matador," Miguel Andujar, added four doubles for the Pinstripers, while J.A. Happ breezed to another victory.

But this very display of Yankees power led to further consternation late in the game, when Sanchez and Urshela hit consecutive home runs.

Longtime Yankees radio announcer and beloved personality John Sterling was so excited by the blasts that, after giving forth with his trademark, "Back to back!  Belly to belly!" he suddenly collapsed and fell over in his chair.

Sterling was revived shortly after a W.B. Mason ad and insisted that he was all right.  He was escorted to a local hospital anyway, for overnight observation.

Meanwhile, the state of New Mexico called off its search for missing slugger Giancarlo Stanton.  Lieutenant Governor Gerry Beckley told reporters, "We just don't have the money in our budget for this sort of tomfoolery."