Sunday, February 7, 2021

Heading into camp, the winner of the most intriguing Yankee lottery ticket is... opens envelope, looks around... Luis Medina!

It's Stupor Sunday - a night devoted to corporate brainwashing, to TV ads wrapped around a halftime show, to the worship of Doritos - it's time to lick the psychedelic toad of unrealistic Yankee expectations. Set down the Roddy Piper sunglasses, and take a stroll with me, barefoot, through this field of nipples...

We don't need another rundown on the rotation, no peek at the batting order, not even a lecherous glimpse of Jasson "Our Favorite Martian" Dominquez. Nope. Instead, talk about buried treasure, mermaids, gorillas riding unicorns... Luis Medina - age 21.8, says FanGraphs - today's Most Interesting Person in the Yankiverse.

Okay, I know what you're thinking: Hmm... food, good... need meat... must propagate... look out window... tree... obey... 

Hold that thought. You know, Stupor Sunday is not the day to try channeling Rod McKuen. Here's all you need to know: 

Luis Medina has been named Liga de Beisbol Professional Roberto Clemente (LBPRC) Pitcher Of The Year! (LBPRCPOTY) 

Yes, he was the Puerto Rican Cy Young - the Kershaw, the Cole, the Koufax - of limited short season beisbol in our very best favorite U.S. commonwealth. (Viva statehood!  Viva now!) Thus, Medina brings something unique to Yankee single-A prospects: 

An actual baseline performance - as opposed to scouting reports and surgically edited YouTube videos - on which to ponder his potential.

Medina made four starts in the recent LBPRC (pronounced "Lib-Prick".) He pitched 16.2 innings and gave up only one run. But here's the takeaway: He fanned 32 batters, while walking only six. The rub on Medina - who is said to hit 102 mph on the radar gun - was always "great stuff/no control." If he's throwing strikes, who knows? 

And if not - if he's just another Alex Graman - well, shoot me. And by the way, I'm tired of all the smart-mouthing around here. It's been a dark winter, and you know what? The days are growing longer, Jose Canseco just got the snot beat out of him on streaming video, and we have the fukking LBPRCPOTY (pronounced "Lib-prick-potty.") Trevor Bauer may have won the 2020 NL Cy Young, but that's ancient history. What has he done lately? 

Okay, it's worth noting that Medina started a game in the Caribbean World Series, and he wasn't exactly Pedro. He tanked in the fourth against an MLB lineup that included Robbie Cano, Melky Cabrera and Jonathan Villlar. Still, he looked sharp through the first two, and no starters go long in winter ball. I'll take two knockout innings, because that's all we'd ever ask from Medina in 2021.

So... tonight, as you subject your brain to the cleansing... hold this thought: 

Luis Medina! Puerto Rican Pitcher Of The Year! Fukk, yeah!

10 comments:

13bit said...

Thank you for imbuing me with hope, mighty Duque!!

Sincerely,

~ Lib Prick Numero Uno

ranger_lp said...

Okay, it's worth noting that Medina started a game in the Caribbean World Series, and he wasn't exactly Pedro. He tanked in the fourth

Sign him and put this guy in the bullpen throwing 102. See what Kevin Cash says then...

JM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JM said...

In 1943, General George Patton beat British General Montgomery by a few (or was it several?) hours in the Race to Medina. So, old George was the winner, but the important thing was, Medina was liberated.

78 years later, Medina may liberate our Question Mark and the Mysterians rotation. (More accurately, it was "? and the Mysterians.")

This has been another episode of "Ripley's Believe It Or Else."

EDB said...

And Jhoulys Chacin, Adam Warren, Kyle Barraclough, Asher Wojciechowski, Luis Garcia, Nestor Cortes Jr and Tyler Lyons all could be on the way and so could the antacids.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

Okay, I know what you're thinking: Hmm... food, good... need meat... must propagate... look out window... tree... obey...

It's like you read my mind.

DickAllen1964 said...



Medina got roughed up by Robbie Cano, Melky Cabrera and Jonathan Villlar.

Big deal. The BIG GAME is about to start. Pass the juice.

13bit said...

JM - I hope we are not looking at a season of 96 teardrops...

ranger_lp said...

@13bit - Too many teardrops for one heart to carry on...

Celerino Sanchez said...

Hopefully, Medina will be hot this season and not be "Funky Cold Medina"