Friday, May 14, 2021

Yankees unmasked early: Close your eyes, and you can feel the trade winds of July percolating inside Cooperstown Cashman

Start spreading the news,
I'm leaving today,
I wanna be a part of it,
Tampa, Tampa...

Ugh. Stuffa nightmares. But after last night's whuppin', it sure doesn't feel like we won that series, am I right? I mean, triple WTFs. 

1. We're shut down by  a 41-year-old retread, a lefty against our RH lineup. WTF?

2. We're 
now quarantining eight people, including our SS - all of whom were supposedly vaccinated. WTF? (Considering our track record for telling the truth, should anyone believe us?)

3. As s
oon as our CF shows a glimmer of hitting, he needs an MRI on his wrist. 

What? Thuuuuuuugh? Fuh?

Okay, it's goodbye, Florida - with your trash can liners full of gasoline.  We now decamp to Baltimore - tomato cans, crab cakes, police-beatings - a city where Gleyber once ruled; (now he'll re-binge Bridgerton) - why do we feel so gassy?

Well, let me fart the ways...  

 1. Jameson Taillon remains a dice roll. He showed hope in his last two starts - five innings against the Tigers, six against the Nats. Last night, he departed in the fourth. Damn. 

2. We have no situational hitting. None. Doesn't matter if the tying run's on third, or if the entire defense is standing on the RF foul line - we take our carnival strongman HR swings and hope for the best. Last night, it was Mike Ford - in another era, he might be a star - slamming a hot one at the SS, perched on the right field side of second. He turned an easy DP, killing the Yankees' best chance. Unless we find an O'Neil, a Piniella, a Brosius - someone who adjusts to circumstances, the dirty little secret is that this team will not win in October.

3. Though it's a terrifying parlor game, it's time to start imagining how Cooperstown Cashman will remake this underachieving, reanimated corpse of a team at the August trade deadline. Close your eyes, and you can see an explosion of trades, with management desperate for a starter, bullpen help and a few LH bats. 

It's also easy to imagine several familiar faces - Aaron Hicks, Gary Sanchez, Clint Frazier, Miguel Andujar, Luke Voit - hell, maybe even Gleyber - on the move.

But here's where our fears should really soar: The big trade chip would be Jasson Dominiquez, the ridiculously super-hyped 18-year-old, who keeps rising in Baseball America's Top 100 prospect rankings, without even playing a game. (This is because top studs move up to MLB or look disappointing in the early going.) Dominquez could fetch a hefty haul, though it wouldn't please the prospect-hugging community. Could we have an Aug. 6 insurrection? Trial by fan combat!

This we know... 

By mid-July, Cashmanian judgments will be rendered on Yankees who are still lugging sub-.200 batting averages to the Jumbotron. It's a long way to October. But this team, as it is currently playing, will not last.


JM said...

Out of your list, I'd miss Miggy. Maybe Gleyber. And I'm not 100% sure about them.

BAs are taking it on the chin so far this year. Out of 164 hitters, almost half are .250 or under. The great Ohtani is batting .257 (and he pitches, too!). Arozarena the Wunderkind? .260.

Mookie, .258. Schwaber .202. Bradley Jr. a Yankees-worthy .165.

25 guys are hitting .300 or better. Twenty five. XXV.

The top ten are knocking the hide off the ball, but there are a lot of laggards who are quality players. Are they all incapable of hitting against the shift? Do they all swing for the fences every time up? Has the rest of baseball simply caught up to them and they can't adjust?

We have more than our share of zombies but so do some other teams. ON a relative basis, Sanchez isn't looking so bad.

OK, OK, I'm lying. He isn't looking that hot, either. Trade 'im.

Anonymous said...

Well, that didn't take long for the good feelings to evaporate. We didn't hit our way out of a paper bag in Tampa, but managed to win 2/3 because of the Tampons' slumbering offense. It doesn't bode well for Taillon that he got his butt handed to him by a lousy hitting team. Hint to Aaron Boone & the think tank pulling his strings: next time, try not to pitch Taillon against the Tampons. If you must start Taillon against them, borrow the Tampons' trick of using an opener for one or two innings, a secondary for one or two innings, then bring in Taillon to mop up the game.

On the other hand, scoring 5 runs in 3 games, we were lucky to win 2/3. Once again, our offense looks like they overdosed on sleeping pills.

Cashman would be pretty dumb to trade away Jasson Dominguez. First of all, no one can spell his name correctly. He'll be immune from critical barbs if no one knows what the hell his real name is. Secondly, he's a switch hitter. Third, even if we traded him, what we get in return wouldn't put us into the World Series. We spent 5 mil just to sign this kid, so I don't think the Brain would be so stupid as to just throw that away, would he?

The Hammer of God

TheWinWarblist said...

"This Yankee team sucks."

Anonymous said...

We picked up the wrong pitcher. Instead of Taillon, we should've gone with Rich Hill. Not all old guys suck. That one gets better with age. It was a brilliant signing by the Tampons.

The Hammer of God

TheWinWarblist said...

And Master Tallion would do better as a Dickensian character than a starter in The Big Leagues.

Matt P. said...

Yanks scored in 9th when Frazier grounded into a double play with no outs and bases loaded. How many chances you get?? How many worst case scenario at bats can this team have with all their .100 hitters?

Anonymous said...

Re: The Strikeouts

"or if the entire defense is standing on the RF foul line "

This reminded me of Eddie Feigner. There were points in the game where the King would pitch and his Court would just sit down in the field.

The only difference is that Eddie was entertaining.

Doug K.

ranger_lp said...

@Doug...while pitching blindfolded...that's blindfolded for the younger members here...

Carl J. Weitz said...

No way should we trade away the next Mike Trout! In fact, his defense is already MLB All-Star worthy. It's just his hitting that needs "seasoning". My opinion is that he be put on the Yankees 26 man roster. He will save runs on defense and how much more overmatched would he be than Frazier, Wade, Sanchez, Hicks or Ford. Something happened to Frazier. He's in-between with his stance. I think the Yankees fucked with him once to often. At the plate, he looks like he's in terrible pain from trying to take a crap standing up. Unfortunately, his best chance to resurrect his career is via a trade.

Speaking of trades, the Yankees should package a deal for Trevor Story. If that includes Gleyber, so be it. The Rockies need a third baseman now that Arenado is gone as well as at other positions. Send them Tallion who could be a good middle-inning relief pitcher and Clint Frazier. I know what your thinking: "No team is that stupid to take our dreck." But Frazier and Gleyber could blossom especially in that thin Denver air. It's worth a shot and they get a young SS with upside. More importantly, the Rockies save half his 17.5 million dollar salary and don't lose him for no assets when he departs at the end of year.

el duque said...

Regarding the possible trade of "The Martian:"

What if it brought us Max Scherzer?

Kevin said...

I'm no prospect hugger, but using him for one pitcher who could blow his arm out drinking coffee, no! Never mind the team gets him for 2-3 months. NFW!

HoraceClarke66 said...

Guys, get it straight: our pitcher's name is not "Tallion" or "Tally-ho," or whatever.

It's Bushmills Taliesen. All right? Geesh!

Anonymous said...

Trader No's

1) Do not trade the Martian!

We need at least on guy in the minors to dream on. It's not like we're one player away from a championship.

2) Storey is in his walk year. If it's only Tallion and Frazier then OK because Tallion is on a one year and Frazier (who I still believe Boone hates) needs a break and is toast here. Move Gleyber back to 2B and let DJ roam.

Why add Gleyber to the trade. Give them... Sanchez!!!!! How about Sanchez for Storey straight up? OK and Tallion. If Sanchez was on Colorado he could hit 650 foot home runs every once in a long while.

Doug K.


TheWinWarblist said...

If the Yankees trade Tallion, I will say, "Great trade. Who did we get?"

Dandy Prof said...

Taillon is not on a one-year deal. He's under team control for 2022.

Alphonso said...

Who gives a shit? Matt Scherzer would not win in NY.

The problem with this team isn't pitching.

It s hitting. We have 5 guys in the line-up on the Interstate ( someone please tell Michael Kay and Paulie that the term is
not " the Internet ").

The problem with the Yankees is their failure to make contact with the ball (with the bat), and putting it in play.

It is " making the defense " perform. It is called, Playing baseball.

Even if Tallion sucks, we have enough decent pitching.

What we have none of is clutch hitting, situational hitting, or any hitting at all.

Frazier hitting into that DP for the team's lone RBI last night, is like saying " his best attribute is his drunkenness."

TheWinWarblist said...

See you all for the game at Yankee Stadium South in a couple of hours.

Celerino Sanchez said...

Maybe they can trade for James Kaprielian or Justus Sheffield?

EDB said...

I am glad you called Genius Cashman Hall Of Famer. Maybe Teflon Cashman. The guy has done a lot of harm. He is clueless when it comes to starters and developing starters. The Yankees lineup had holes and The Genius did nothing to improve it. This may have been due to Cheapskate Hal, who only cares about the salary cap. One writer for Newsday mentioned to him that scouts said the Yankees do not stress defense in the minors. They do not stress baserunning smarts either. Finally, how many injuries does the wrist make for Barren Hicks?

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