Sunday, May 2, 2021

Look who is at the bottom of the AL East


When it comes to old-fashioned, flame-roasted, Putin-grade, bull-goose hatred of the Yankees, nobody - I mean nobody - beats the Tampa Devil Rays. 

I know, I know... Redsock fans think their hatred of us throbs like Ben Affleck's heart at a J-Lo show, but ever since the Curse of the Bambino turned into A-Rod's forgotten past,  Boston fans don't crackle with the usual, self-righteous bile. They have more rings than we do, and deep down inside, they know that they have become us. Meanwhile, the Rays fan remains a treacherous and malignant cave dweller - a mix of Gollum and Florida Man, who hates the Yankees because: 

1. We our hold our spring training in their back yard.

2. We broadcast our games into their media space.

3. They must play games in a giant ping pong ball.

4. For most of the summer, it's just too hot to watch baseball. 

The Rays have still never won a world series, Evan Longoria is in his fifth year with the San Francisco Giants, their city's most famous sports icon plays quarterback and - for reasons that probably extend back to Ponce de Leon - their fans blame the Yankees. 

Well, okay... so be it. If hating the Yankees gives you definition, have at it. But when your personally selected rival falls into a funk, as the Yankees did in the month of April, what happens? This was a perfect time for Tampa to put space between themselves and the Yankees, to take command of the AL East. And they've blown it. 

Today, let's simply note that Tampa, which took four out of five from the Yankees, cannot seem to beat anybody else. They're 0-3 against Boston, 1-2 against Toronto. If you delete the Yankee games, Tampa would be 8-14, leading only the Twins and Tigers. 

Imagine how frustrating it must be: sweep the Yanks, then lose three out of four to Texas. 

Today, the Yankees face baseball's worst team. Beat Detroit, and we reach .500, with the days growing longer, the virus diminishing and the weather improving. But down in the Sunshine State, the Rays can't seem to climb out of their sinkhole. It's just getting hotter, with those African pythons slithering around, the local Hooters running out of chicken wings, and hurricane season just around the bend.

This isn't to crow over their misfortune. The Rays have yet to play Baltimore or Detroit, dominoes to be pushed over. They will get hot. They remain the team to beat. But while we lament the troublesome month of April, take a look at who is below us in the standings. This was the Rays' big chance. Thus far, they've botched it.  


TheWinWarblist said...

I know you're squinting really, really hard, but it looks to me like the Yankees are.

Anonymous said...

The Tampons must be dreaming of the good times ... when they play us. They can hardly wait 'til they get their dirty hands on us to cudgel us badly about the head and shoulders.

I can remember back when Evan Longoria was with the Tampons. He'd be hitting .180 but when we came to town, he'd hit something like .800 in the series against us. Even when he should've been out by hitting a ground ball to SS or 3B, our infielder would inevitably botch the play, and he'd be safe on an error. (Some of those would be scored a hit by the official scorer to help his batting average.) I guess our fielders were so shocked whenever he hit a routine groundball that they lost the ability to field. So this kind of thing with the Tampons has been going on a very long time.

The Hammer of God

DickAllen said...

Schadenfreude? Nein…Schottenfreude!

The Tampons have spent so much time in last place in their measly life that this should come as no surprise. So let's not kick them while they are down too much.

Also, one of my sweetest moments as a Yankees fan was seeing Longoria beating the Yankees with a laser into the right field seats on the last day of the 2011 season, thus ending the playoff hopes of the RedSux. That was sweet.

I don't like Tampa, especially that poor excuse for a ballpark - it's even worse than playing in that conference room they call Chase field in Phoenix. But I HATE the beaneaters. HATE HATE HATE.

Nothing can change the deep and abiding hatred I have for those PED champions. Fuck Boston, Fuck Fenway, and in a deep, respectful bow to Doug - wherever he may be on that long, lonesome highway,

Fuck Hal, fuck Brain, and Fuck Boone. and Fuck Boston too.

Someone has to pick up the slack.

JM said...

If they're going to put DJ at third and Ursala at short, why the fuck aren't they playing Gleyber at second instead of Odor? Another mystery of management...

ranger_lp said...

@JM...Gleyber is getting the day off...get used to load management days...smh

Local Bargain Jerk said...

I'm listening to the radio broadcast. There was just a CLASSIC "It is High, it is Far, it is....CAUGHT!" call on Gardner's sac fly.

Also, RBI single for Higgy. What do you think Sanchez would have done in that spot?

ranger_lp said...

Kluber is distinguishing himself today...great outing...

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

I'm not sure, but I think the phrase "Fuck Fenway" might be construed by DHS as a terrorist threat.

"Fuck the Beaneaters" immediately drove me to think about scene in Blazing Saddles. You know the one!

But back to Fenway:
Maybe you should delete such things, Fonzie (?) - to protect Dick Allen.

TheWinWarblist said...

No, JoeFob, let Dick have his swings. Dick is an upright member of the Commentariat. He deserves his forum as do we all.

Also: Suck it Boston!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Buck Foston and all its racist townie assholes.

HoraceClarke66 said...

So, tomato can half full:

Kluber pitched a great 8 innings today (10 Ks, 2 hits, 0 runs), and it looks like both he and Bushmills Taliesen might be rounding into the pitchers Brain dreams of, with German and Montgomery right behind them. Machine Gun Chapman continued to look unhittable. We seem to have found a real catcher in Higashioka, who had THE big hit this afternoon. Our boys reached .500, righting the ship.

Sure, it was against the Detroit Tiger Rugs. But as the sage Suzie W. said today, "You can only beat who you're playing." The Yanks will have plenty more games against teams not much better than these mangy Bengals, and you gotta bottom feed.

Tomato can half full:

Does anyone think this Yankees team can possibly win anything in October with the sort of performance we saw today? They were utterly dominated by Jose Urena, a 29-year-old Marlins cast-off with a lifetime ERA of 4.56, and the Cats' less than overwhelming closer, Gregory Soto (lifetime 1-7, 5.12). All they managed was 3 hits, 1 walk, and 2 scratch hits, while striking out 9 times.

Well, a win is a win is a big Yankee win.

Anonymous said...

We actually swept another team, wow! Well, baby steps ... even the longest journey starts with one step. Yeah, it was not exactly an impressive win. We'll get a better test against the rootin' tootin' cheatin' ass-Stros. Hope everyone in attendance brings a garbage can.

The Hammer of God

TheWinWarblist said...

A win is a win and every win is a Big Yankee Win. Hoss, your words are poetic.

DickAllen said...

I don’t need no fucking protecting, okay?

(I reserve my Brooklyn voice for just such occasions.)

Anonymous said...

Shut up, Warblist. Call the local hospital to see if they can salvage and re-attach your severed penis, Fairy Boy. I hear it's in the recycle bin with the rest of the surgical offal.

Kevin said...

Ottavino, three blown saves, two loses, ERA 5.40. Cliffs are made for falling.

TheWinWarblist said...

Dick, my pardons.

ranger_lp said...

Ottavino is now the gift that keeps on

DickAllen said...

None needed!

Alphonso said...

I say, " look who is at the top."

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