Saturday, May 1, 2021

Yanks clobber and torture the worst team in baseball, conjuring cries for the "T-word."

I don't like invoking the T-word. It's dehumanizing, it's anti-sportsmanship and - frankly - it's wrong. It overlooks the chance of happenstance, that in a random contest or athletic event, any team can defeat another team... even if one group warrants usage of the T-word. 

No, you won't catch me slapping the T-word on anyone, willy-nilly, or without painstaking deliberation. I am a T-word denier. Deal with it, T-worders. I refrain out of love - for people, for institutions, for righteousness and for liberty. When times are hard, when the chips are down, when the rubber meets the road and the mayonnaise is on the windshield, well, that's when I prefer to be a bridge over troubled water. I will lay me down. 

When possible, I avoid the T-word.

That said, we at this blog are truth-tellers, fundamental conduits of reality, and we cannot shirk our love for terminology. Words are the fabric of our chrysalis, metaphorically, and it doesn't matter if the Yankees win or lose. We still rely on words, rather than grunts and gestures.

Therefore, this is a time for the T-word. It arose last night in our 10-0 victory over Detroit, and hopefully will continue today and tomorrow afternoons.

Tomato can. 

We are playing a tomato can.

(Note: Some claim the T-word is actually two words; these people - who may include Strunk and White - are generally Redsock fans.) 

Today, the Tigers stand at 8-and-19, with baseball's worst record, a whopping 10 games down in the loss column at the bottom of baseball's weakest division. 

Their leading RBI man - outfielder Akil Baddoo - was a Rule 5 pick in December. He's hitting .222, with an on base percentage of .242. That's no misprint. This season, the Baddoobadook has two walks. 

Friends, this is a can of Del Monte, Hunts, Cento's, Topps, Price Choppers, ACME... peeled, crushed, fire-roasted, name your style. This a can of tomatoes.

As the month of May commences, the Yankees are 12-14, four losses behind Boston. By Sunday evening,  we need to be at .500, in advance of the visiting Houston Astros, when for the first time this season, the booing will not be for underperforming Yankees.

Anything less than a sweep, today and tomorrow, and we will qualify for the T-word. Ask not for whom the T-word applies, for it may just be thee. 

35 comments:

13bit said...

Ah, I had thought that the "T word" was "tank." Something so heinous that it is practiced only by our mortal enemies - who then go on to win championships within two years of tanking. No no no...never use...we are honest and noble and upstanding.

"Tomato can?" meh. All true, don't get me wrong, but there's nothing wrong with running over a tomato can. The REAL tragedy, though, would be if our enemies in this life and league come to see US as the tomato can. Ponder that.

Sure, we won. And sure, the bats can come alive and German can become the second half of "Spahn and Sain and pray for rain," along with Cole. How would that go? "Gerrit and Domingo and let's play bingo?" "German and Cole and ready to roll?" I don't care.

Sure, that could happen and it would be great if it DID happen. Stranger things have happened. My guess is that - even if we did catch fire, we're still just a "first round and out" team when it comes to the post season. We have been to this rodeo too many times.

The definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Let's let this play out.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

Chuck Wepner is pitching for the Tigers.

Anonymous said...

Duque got it right. We beat up on a putrid team. Anything less than a sweep will be a strong indication that we ourselves suck big time. I have a very strong, uneasy feeling that we won't sweep this series.

The Hammer of God

Anonymous said...

How could somebody from Upstate NY leave out" Ragu "in a litany of great tomato products?!
For shame, for shame
The Archangel

ranger_lp said...

Five players in starting lineup batting under .200. Maybe 2 of them get off that list..

Hitters H-AB RBI HR SB AVG
D. LeMahieu3B 26-96 6 1 0 .271
A. JudgeDH 22-81 15 7 0 .272
R. Odor2B 10-52 11 4 0 .192
G. TorresSS 22-94 4 0 1 .234
M. Ford1B 3-20 3 2 0 .150
A. HicksCF 13-84 10 4 0 .155
G. SanchezC 11-58 4 2 0 .190
C. FrazierRF 10-64 3 2 0 .156
B. GardnerLF 9-45 1 0 0 .200

JM said...

Tomato, tomahto, lumbago, lumbahgo...by the way, Boone put Frazier in right again. He learns very, very slowly. Clint is a left fielder. He makes too many mistakes in right.

So, dropped fly right at the start. As with Ichiro's batting, I don't blame the player. Clint shouldn't play in right, Ichiro shouldn't have been hitting against righties.

Why is it so hard?

HoraceClarke66 said...

Hilarious, Duque.

Yeah, we're far from out of the woods. But you gotta bottom feed.

In 1954, the Indians finally broke the Yankees' five-World Championship streak by going 75-13 against the worst 5 teams in the AL. They went only 11-11 versus our boys—but still won the league by 8 games. (They did get steamrolled by the Giants in the World Series, which maybe tells us something.)

Bottom feeding is crucial. You need to run up these wins.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Thank Yahweh that Stanton is getting that much needed day off. After all, as Big Head tells us, he's had three consecutive games of three hits. He must be tired from all that running. Same with Urshela. He must have been tired from driving in all those runs recently.

Boone is an idiot.

ranger_lp said...

Finally some situational hitting...

Six in the lineup below the Mendoza line...is that like some sort of Major League record?

Hitters AB R H RBI BB K AVG OBP SLG
D. LeMahieu3B 3 2 2 0 1 1 .283 .372 .364
A. JudgeDH 4 1 3 3 0 0 .294 .400 .588
R. Odor2B 3 0 0 0 1 0 .182 .286 .400
G. TorresSS 4 0 2 3 0 0 .245 .333 .296
M. Ford1B 2 0 0 0 1 0 .136 .296 .409
A. HicksCF 2 1 0 0 0 1 .151 .245 .314
G. SanchezC 2 1 0 0 1 0 .183 .329 .300
C. FrazierRF 2 1 0 0 1 0 .152 .300 .288
B. GardnerLF 3 0 0 0 0 0 .188 .278 .229

Rufus T. Firefly said...

At least Torres has woken up.

Walking the 9th hitter to start the inning isn't so great though.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Wretched inning by Justin Wilson—but that little pop fly should have been caught. Both Gardy and Hicks got a late start on it.

At least Torres, who seems to have woken up, made a splendid play on a similar pop earlier in the game.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And now it's 6-4.

This is a sign of things to come. Our pen has really over-performed thus far. Once it reverts to form...

HoraceClarke66 said...

Speaking of what's wrong with baseball, the pace of this game is ridiculous. It's a 6-4 game in the top of the 8th...and it's already more than 3 hours long, and at least half-an-hour from finishing.

HoraceClarke66 said...

There is simply no reason to start Gardy anymore. I realized that we're locked into him because of Brain's idiotic Tauchman deal, but he simply can't play well enough to do anything more than be a late-inning defensive replacement or pinch-runner. He can no longer steal, can't bunt, and can't catch up to a fast ball.



HoraceClarke66 said...

Also, how is it that LeMahieu has gone from the best clutch hitter on the team to maybe the worst? I think this is something in the Yanks' favor: he simply has to improve as the season goes on.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

They started Gardner because Stanton had to get the much needed day off.

DickAllen1964 said...

Somebody named Tauchman had three hits in a Giants uniform last night . It couldnt be the same guy.

DickAllen1964 said...

Somebody named Tauchman had three hits in a Giants uniform last night . It couldnt be the same guy.

TheWinWarblist said...

Taillon looked okay, but they would've ripped him in The Show.

He's going to be the kind of pitcher you don't let go through the order a third time. Or a second time. Or even once.

ranger_lp said...

At least Luetge didn't pitch. He's turned into the 2021 version of Paul Quantrill...

Anonymous said...

LeMahiuu is a singles hitter with a slow bat who can't run. Another long-term millstone from The Genius.

TheWinWarblist said...

Anon, DJ LeMahieu is not a power hitter nor is he a base stealer, but he has been worth more than 8 bWAR to the Yanks in his short time with the club. He hits for average and OBP. He is an above average fielder at more than one position. In other words, he is a valuable player.

Plus, and this is far important, he is OUR DJ LeMahieu!! So knock off that talk!!

......Since 56 said...

LeMahieu is a “singles” hitter who hit .360+ last year...won a batting title in both league ! He is better defensively than whoever he replaces...give me a freaking break, you can’t knock this guy because he’s off to a “ slow “ start... best player on the team who shows up every day....get real.

Anonymous said...

WinWarblist and Since 56: You are both delusional about LeMahieu and obviously have not looked at his career statistics. He had exactly ONE above-average season with the Rockies, 2016, when he won a batting title and slashed .348/.416/.495 (OPS 911). In every other season but one (2015, when he just made it at .301), he batted BELOW .300 and slugged below .800, which is mediocre--and this in the most batting-friendly ballpark in the majors; for two of those seasons in Colorado he slugged below .700, which SUCKS. In a stadium where balls fly out as though they had mini-jet engines attached, he was in SINGLE DIGITS in homeruns in five out of seven seaons, peaking at 15 in 2015. So . . . for most of his career, hitting in the most offense-friendly park in the majors, he was mostly a mediocrity or worse. He has mostly been a 1 to 3 WAR player--his 5.5 for the Yankees was an aberration, not his typical year. And as he ages--he is now 32 years old--he is likely to regress to this norm of middling-to-crappy--a slow, decent-fielding singles hitter who MIGHT flirt with a .300 batting average but will show little or no power. This signing was sheer IDIOCY. Cut consider the source of the signing, and consider how much money for how long, along with Stanton, and you take the full measure of Cashman's ineptitude and stupidity.

......Since 56 said...

Checking the numbers....Since 2015 I see ba of .301, .348, .310,.276,.327,.364....lifetime .304. What exactly do you expect ?
He’s got enough pop in his bat to reach the short porch so he’s a threat at the stadium ( 26 hrs in 2019), plays 90% of the games, +++defensively wherever they put him. Who’s better ???

Anonymous said...

That's a nicely selective list you've got there, Since 56, conveniently leaving off many of his worst seasons and ignoring the fact that he is now getting OLDER each year, and therefore more likely to regress to his norm. You also conveniently ignore his mediocre lifetime slugging percentge of .786, a much more revealing offensive stat than batting average, which is terrible for a guy making that much money. Who's better? You've got to be kidding. DO some research--maybe get a new pair of reading glasses.

TheWinWarblist said...

Hey Anon, I'm sorry LeMahieu fucks your mother way better than you do; we still love him.

De gustibus non est disputandum.

Also: Suck it.

JM said...

I have to admit that I really enjoy Smilin' Buck Showalter's analysis on YES. He notices the little things that make and break a play, and appreciates guys who master the fundamentals--of which there are not as many as there should be.

Buck really likes DJ because he does so many things right. You don't need a team full of guys with a high slugging percentage. Somebody has to get on base and play consistent, above average defense. If we had a couple more everyday guys like him, we'd be in better shape.

It will be interesting to see how well he ages. I imagine it will be much better than Hicks and Stanton. He stays healthy, unlike half the team. That alone is a plus.

Buck and the other guy had a short discussion on players who are "hot," in terms of sitting Stanton when he's on such a tear. A-Rod once said that anyone who says hotness is a myth has never played the game, and Showalter agreed. You feel different, your confidence is higher, you bring a more positive attitude to the plate. I only ever played softball and I know exactly what they mean. It's a great feeling to lose your self-doubts, even for a week or two. It changes how you see and how you understand your capabilities. And it can be fleeting, so you don't sit guys who are in that zone.

It's not just in baseball, either. Ask any stock or commodity trader, creative people in the arts and advertising, even writers. You can't quantify it or measure it. But when it happens, you can't miss the results.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Buck should be the GM.

TheWinWarblist said...

May I disagree? Buck should be someone else's GM and then die slowly from burst hemorrhoids. Exploded hemorrhoids? Die slowly from a terrible case of long-haul COVID-19 of the hemorrhoids with ends in an apocalyptic bursting of covidey hemorrhoids? Bursting and flailing around and around with some escaping from Buck's rectum with an audible "sproing?"

[The nursing staff in the ICU should play Ride of the Valkyries while the bursting and flailing occurs.]

TheWinWarblist said...

I think I'm coming along nicely. Almost in mid-season form!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Warblist--try prying that dildo out of your ass. Or is it too painful after the botched sex-change surgery? What sex are you now--freak who had his penis cut off because he's a mama-bludgeoned psychotic?

Anonymous said...

JM is bilious, babbling MORON. He uses measurements all the time--outmoded ones like batting average and ERA, rather than the more advanced ones that he's too stupid to understand and too lazy to bother reading about. LeMahieu is an aging career mediocrity who hits singles and can't run. Next case.

Anonymous said...

Stat baby can’t stop herself from being nasty

Anonymous said...

Erm, it seems that you weren't following this thread, asshole. Look at who erupted first--it was severed-penis boy.