Buck Showalter is carping about how a lifetime ban against A-Rod is a lucky thing for the Yankees. (He doesn't understand. He never did.)
He says if the Yankees can escape paying A-Rod's salary, it's a certainty that we will sign Matt Wieters when he becomes a free agent.
Hell, I've never heard it mentioned or pondered... until now.
I say, if Buck don't like it... make it happen, Hal.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Just for mouthing off about us, Buck Showalter should have to watch us sign Matt Wieters in two years
Yankeetorial: Hiroki Kuroda is my hero
This I believe:
5. God, where would we be without Hiroki Kuroda? He's started 22 games, and kept us in all but a few. I cannot help but think we would have lost 15 to 20 of those games. (He's 11-6.) Spin eight wins into eight losses, and we would be with Minnesota, Chicago and Houston, among the worst teams in baseball. This would have been the year of Chris Bootcheck. Instead, we're just three games out from chasing Bud's fake carrot.
6. Once this A-Rod thing finally passes through the snake, I'd really like to see David Adams get another shot at playing 3B every day. Considering the backwash of tackling dummies we have thrown into that black hole, he's the only one with a ceiling that might actually make it in the long haul. Yeah, I know he was only hitting .198, but seriously, folks, was there ever any point to Luis Cruz. Brent Lillbridge and Alberto Gonzalez? Do they really expect us to get giddy about the return of Jayson Nix?
Yankeetorial: The West Coast and our farm system bring little hope
3. In the lost time zones of LA, we apparently won a game we should have lost and lost a game we should have won. Thus, business as usual. It's mirrors reflecting mirrors that we're still in this fake wild card race, but hell - let's enjoy it. In 2008, we fell out of contention in late September - who can forget Robbie Cano waving at that slow roller into right field, waving goodbye to our season? Right now, we're one three-game losing streak away from irrelevancy. A butchered trip to Tampa, and it's farewell.
4. The saddest aspect of 2013 has been the apparent stagnation of our farm system. We spent last winter touting the Slade Heathcotts and Tyler Austins - but none have produced this year. Nor did anybody break out. If you look at Boston's system - an ever-flowing tap of talent - you can't help but wonder why we're so dead in the knickers? Is it some systematic failure in scouting, or coaching, or something? Why are we so snakebitten?
Do we - the Yankiverse - heap too many expectations on these kids? I'm not throwing in the towel... yet. (Thank God we didn't trade one for Michael Young.) But it would be nice to have somebody down there who generates hope. For four years, imagining Jesus Montero hitting Yankee home runs pulled me through dark moments. Yes, he's a bust - probably Pineda, as well - but Jesus, he made those times bearable. Right now, we have nobody to focus on and say, "He's the future!"
To be a diehard Yankee fan today is to be a brooding, tortured soul; it's a dank, dark, wearisome place. I can almost understand Penn State fans from 2012.
Yankeetorial: Cash and A-Rod reach same conclusion: NO DEALS
1. The entire world, including children in China who have never heard of baseball, believed Buyin' Cashman would cut a deal for somebody, anybody. Thank God he held his ground. Obviously, the Phillies - still sore about Johnny Damon stealing two bases on one pitch - sought two pounds of flesh for Michael Young, so screw 'em. My greatest fear yesterday was that we would add another Danny Tartabull to the 2014 roster.
2. If A-Rod has any fans left in this world - aside from pro wrestling queens and grads of the Kato Kaelin Institute for Hired Entourage - they are diesel-snorting Yankee fans who long ago pitched morality aside to support their empire of evil. We rooted for Mel Hall. We rooted for Randy Levine. We held our noses through the Guiliani era razing of Yankee Stadium, our great cathedral, so luxury crappers could be installed for Koch brothers and East Coast versions of the Kardashians. If Alex Rodriguez is convicted of harvesting body parts from young children, we'll still root for him - as long as the bastard hits. So he must keep fighting. None of us has a choice here. Aside from Kato, we're all he's got. Aside from Brent Lillibridge, he's all we've got. What a marriage, eh?
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Once Kansas City passes us, it's over
Let's be honest: 2013 has gotten way too late way too early.
Still, we have way too many veteran players - (Talking to you, Mariano) - to do something rash, like trading Robbie to the Dodgers. One 8-game winning streak would vault us back into the mix, and - well - who knows.
But Kansas City has won seven straight games, They are an improving team, an emerging power, a club full of high draft picks. We are now tied with them in the - as John Sterling says - "all-important loss column."
It's time to apply some hard reality to the 2013 season - with or without A-Rod.
If KC passes us - well, folks - it's over. Done! Kaput! Shla-boo! Bladingus! Caca.
At that point, everything will become a mirage, a feckless attempt by the Yankees and YES to sell their $500-per-seat snake oil to tourists who aren't paying attention.
At that point, there will be too many teams above us.
And frankly, there will be too many better teams above us.
Once KC passes us... well, there's always Slade Heathcott.
Twas the night before deadline, and throughout MLB, not a player was sleeping, including Cliff Lee...
With hopes that Jake Peavy was now only theirs.
"Aww, screw this!" I shouted, "There's no Christmas rhyme.
"The Yankees are dead! We have run out of time!
"More dead than the Astros! We're out of each game!"
And I whistled my Black List, and called them by name!
"Trade Hafner! Trade C.C.! then Joba and Hughesey!
"Trade Grandy! Trade Vernon! then Cashman's new floozy!
"To the West or the East! Do not wait until fall!
"Now trade away! Trade away! Trade away all!"
"Aww, damn it," I said and I didn't regret it,
For away my mind flew, like a shot off old Pettitte.
And I heard myself chime, as I shut out the light,
"Fuck off, Mister Selig! You too, A-Rod! G'night!"
Open Letter to A-Rod: FIGHT THEM WITH EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT!
In today's Gray Lady newspaper, an analysis piece on your current showdown with Major League Baseball included the following paragraph:
According to a person with knowledge of the situation, baseball wants Rodriguez to follow the precedent set forth by [Ryan] Braun, agree to a punishment and end the matter cleanly without a drawn-out legal battle that could damage the reputation of the game in all sorts of unpredictable ways.
This, of course, was always Commissioner Bud Selig's fantasy: Flag a few high-profile players for illegal use of performance enhancing drugs, drum up a media campaign against them with the help of friendly sportswriters, force them to cave in and declare the game "free of drugs" - and then move the hell on to the October playoffs. (Hopefully, by then, the team whose abusers were caught - the Yankees - would be nowhere in sight.)
In the case of Selig's former team, the Milwaukee Brewers, the scheme worked perfectly. Ryan Braun - recovering from an injury - will simply sit out the meaningless last half of the 2013 season, his team a disaster. Milwaukee will draft high, replenish its low-salary lineup, and next year, Brewers fans can cheer or boo Braun, whatever they want, and everybody can pretend it never happened. The game will be clean.
The plan would also work nicely in other markets. As for other past disciplined players - such as the 40-year-old, human miracle known as Bartolo Colon, and the man who created a fake web site to evade MLB investigators, Melky Cabrera - suspensions would be dropped, because they've already been punished. In other words, don't worry, Oakland; your Moneyball team is still in the race!
But in the case of Alex Rodriguez, MLB will unleash the maximum hounds, a veritable death penalty to a career. They just want you to take it like a man - to stand tall while they pile around you every abuse ever committed and then strike the match. You were the bad influence. You were the Pied Piper. The world will cheer your bonfire. After all, you make too much money and you didn't hit last year in the playoffs. Soon, you'll be erased, and baseball can go about its business.
No, sir. Don't accept it. Fight them.
But don't get the wrong idea here. I don't give a damn about you. I am not your fan. You remain one of the ugliest blights upon the Yankees in my memory. To me, you're on a par with Mel Hall. Nevertheless, it's time somebody called out MLB for its self-righteous double-standards, and its absurd power structure, and the ruthless way it uses the A.D.D. media to attack the demons it regularly creates to avoid facing its own duplicity.
MLB pays Bud Selig more than $25 million per year, and God only knows how much money the Steinbrenner heirs bank every season. Nevertheless, these owners poor-mouth every chance possible and, these lions of capitalism impose taxes and spending limits that would put a smile on Hugo Chavez's corpse. I love to ridicule Curt Schilling for his self-righteous stances, and the millions in taxpayer money his business squandered - but it's a drop in the bucket compared to what MLB teams receive from the public coffers every season. The Arizona Diamondbacks give a god-awful amount of money to the GOP every year, while they groan about paying their players. Does anybody ever question that?
When sportswriters write about Alex Rodriguez, they always mention the photograph of you "kissing yourself," (which you weren't, but even so, is that all they've got. a bad photo op?), or the karate blow to Bronson Arroyo's wrist (which other players would be lauded for, as gritty competitors) or the $350,000 car you drive (do they ever say what Hal Steinbrenner is driving? The talking point word for Alex Rodriguez is "greedy." Do they ever list the owners' earnings? Are the owners ever greedy?
Don't give in, sir. Fight them. Take it all the way.
I know what baseball needs: a drawn-out legal battle that can damage the reputation of the game in all sorts of unpredicable ways. The game will survive. But it's time for MLB to get what it gives. Frankly, I would love to see a bunch of high-priced lawyers put the lords of baseball under oath and ask them about their stewardship of the national pastime. Over the years, as players have continually abused performance drugs, exactly what did management know? And how hard did it try to stop such abuses?
As a fan, I can survive the pain of learning about the inner workings of baseball.
Do it, sir. Fight. Don't let them make you the scapegoat of your generation.
Not your friend,
Hart Seely
aka "el Duque"
Exposed: The secret ESPN plan to bring down Yankee legend John Sterling and take control of the Hertz 24/7 Broadcast Booth
Consider:
1. ESPN, the international sports broadcast leviathan, is known to despise the New York Yankees baseball team with a hatred that burns hotter than a million suns. This view is indicated by its hiring of - among others - a certain ex-player referred to by our own blogger, Mustang, as Mr. "Financialwhiz McBloodsock."
2. ESPN is legally and financially bound to Major League Baseball through massive broadcast rights contracts and raucous social events which include cocktails and funny business.
3. In recent years, ESPN has coveted the radio rights to broadcast Yankee baseball games, so that it could assign announcers such as - or akin to - the aforementioned Mr. "Fattie" McBloodsock.
4. In recent years, ESPN's path to the Yankee radio broadcast booth has been blocked by the popularity of Mr. John Sterling, along with his gallant first lieutenant, Suzyn, who is known for her clubhouse reports.
5. Mr. Sterling, as the preeminent Yankee voice of his generation, maximizes his incredible popularity through the use of signature Yankee home run calls.
6. The most famous of Mr. Sterling's home run calls belongs to Mr. Alex Rodriguez, the player known as A-Rod, who launches "A-Bombs."
7. MLB - which is in cahoots with ESPN - seeks to suspend Mr. Rodriguez and deny Mr. Sterling his most valuable announcing asset, the A-Bomb. Not only will MLB/ESPN eliminate Rodriguez' bat from the Yankees, it would effectively render the team - and Mr. Sterling - homeless for the duration of 2013.
8. Without home runs and home run calls, the Yankees and Mr. Sterling will disappear from public view, replaced by interest in the upcoming New York City mayoral races that feature Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer.
9. In recent weeks, a steady drumbeat of news stories about Mr. Rodriguez' impending suspension have been leaked by MLB to ESPN reporters, thus allowing commentators such as Mr. McBloodsock ample opportunity to condemn the Yankees and - by inference - their current radio voice.
THEREFORE.... ESPN, through the guidance of MLB, is orchestrating the demise of not only the Yankees but Mr. Sterlng, so it can take control of the radio booth and install a puppet announcing regime, one that could even include the presence of Mr. "Three-Chin" McBloodsock... whose voice would forever drone upon Yankee sensibilities and drive the radio fan base into extinction.
Ladies and gentlemen: I cannot make this clearer:
This is an attempted coup.
ESPN is on the verge of implementing its long term plan to install "Publicmoney McBloodsock" - with perhaps Kleenexwrists Garciappariah - into our last outpost of Yankee truth, the radio booth.
Next year's home run call for Derek Jeter could be, "A homer by Jeet? I don't give a sheet!"
Gather your weapons, Yankiverse, and ride to the sound of gunfire! The Hebrew Home at Riverdale is under attack! (It's beautiful, like a college campus... but not for much longer!) The next A-Bomb will be upon us. God have mercy.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Stumped For A Headline
* * *
"This year, there's a new Yankee every day," [John Sterling] said. "I couldn't keep up with them. Fortunately, I don't have to bother with it, because they don't hit home runs."
* * *
The Return of the Golden Thong: It happened last night...
* * *
* * *
For the Yankiverse, and for all of Yankeekind, the Day of Reckoning is at hand
1. The Rug Wrath. Bud Selig has sexy-danced long enough for the cameras. It's time for him to drop the loincloth and rid baseball of its problems... the best way he knows: Wrap them into a human form - be it Pete Rose, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens or the Antichrist, Marvin Miller - douse it with gas and strike a match. (This is the year when Cooperstown inducted the Dead, including an ump and an owner.) The latest Evil One Likeness wears Yankee Number 13. It must be destroyed.
Soon, MLB will have no critics, no problems, no issues, no off-the-field-controversies - and nobody watching in New York City. This is the year when the owners lower the boom on long-term deals for aging stars. (Don't get comfy, Mr. Pujols.)
A-Rod plans to fight in court. Good. When elephants wrestle, we mice get a free show. For Yankee fans, it may be the only one worth watching in September. It will surely beat the "Playing Third, Jayson Nix" Show.
But A-Rod can't win in court. Not while his final grains of sand run out. Selig can ban him for life, and his lawyers can knock it down to 50 games - a victory of sorts. But time's a flyin', and no judge or jury can restore it. And the sportswriters - bless their arrested development minds - will wait breathlessly for the updates on Grandyman's pinkie. What does it say when ESPN - financially attached at the hip to MLB - is the breaker of all the latest A-Rod stories?
2. The Inertia Monster. Tonight, we learn whether the 2013 Yankees are capable of sustaining momentum. Aww, hell... we already know they are not, but - hey - we fall for this every time. They couldn't win after Chris Stewart's miracle catch. They couldn't win after Nuni's big hit. Now, it's Jeter's return. I will never underestimate the power of Jeter to lift a team. But the bottom of our batting order remain the best reason to go make a sandwich since the invention of mayonnaise. That hasn't changed. Bottom of the second, two men on, no outs? Go make a sandwich.
3. The Arrival of the Dead. (Actually, the trade deadline arrives tomorrow, but don't stop me, I'm on a roll.) The deal for Alphonso Soriano proved formally that Hal Steinbrenner was not adopted. He's doing exactly what his dad did in the 1980s, when the organization became universally derided as the worst team money can buy. He is overruling experts (Soriano), playing favorites (two years of Ichiro), carping about money ($189 million target) while wasting it on sluggers over the hill (Wells, Hafner), who clog the way for hot young players (sadly, our system is so barren, I cannot name anybody.) Old George happily traded kids that nobody heard of - Willie McGee, Fred McGriff, et al - and the writers didn't question it then, so why should they now?
Soriano homered yesterday, so the deal in Hal's mind, is already a 100 percent success. It won't matter if Cody Black makes the Hall of Fame. Thus, don't be surprised if by this time Thursday, we haven't jettisoned whatever remains in our system - Philly has had a month to scout us - for the increasingly flat-lining Michael Young - as we chase Mr. Selig's phantom one-game Wild Card slot. Can you imagine the locker room celebration across the Yankiverse if we can clinch that final Wild Card slot? Woo-hoo! Down for the next five years, but we get to play one more game!
If we were in the NBA, we'd be within a few losses of the Draft Lottery. If, say, a Bryce Harper were out there - and frankly, there are always Bryce Harpers out there - which would you prefer the Yankees chase? The one-game wild card or a future superstar?
4. The West Coast Trip. Gahhhhhhh. the words haunt me. How many solid Yankee teams have stepped off the plane from the seven-hour flight and were immediately replaced by actors, posing as the Bombers? The games won't be watched by most of the Yankiverse. We will just read about the pain and suffering, as if it's some uprising in the Middle East.
Folks, the revolution will not be Photoshopped.
It hits today. TODAY. Cover your heads. (And, by the way, loved reading the comments overseas. It occurs to me: The comments ARE this blog.)
Hoot, mon! Back from Scotland! And bravo, Mustang, for bloggin' in the sheaves. Did he Wally Pip me?
Just as Kourtney Kardashian - aka "the Ben Francisco of the Kardashian family" - managed to lose 40 pounds, so that she can done the bikini and strut the beach in style, keeping the brand name afloat while sister Kim feverishly works the Stairmaster, so did Mustang amp up his game and maintain this blog's position in the imaginary Yankiverse Wild Card race.
Alphonso, on the other hand, was off on his own walkabout. Typical. He's Travis Halfner to me. He's bad haggis. Oh for 20 with runners on base.
Looks like everything is coming to a head, perhaps today. Strap on your water wings, laddies. We're going to try a water landing.
Monday, July 29, 2013
Where have you gone Lou Piniella, our nation turns its lonely eyes to you
Loo... Loo... Looooooo...
The difference in fate?
Against Boston, Lou lost Jerry Remy's fly ball in the sun, but managed to catch it.
Against Detroit, Nick Swisher lost it in the lights,
and we're still lost.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Saturday, July 27, 2013
He's Not Coming Back
In the early morning hours, KD posted this scoop to I'm Bill White's A-Rod wastebasket entry:
Just back from the Bronx and you won't find anything like this for sale in any of the in-Stadium stores. No A-Rod tee shirts, no A-Rod posters, photos, bobbleheads, whatever. (But you can buy a Youk shirt if you want such a thing.
And get this: went into the Steiner store and even his autographed ball is gone! An empty spot is all that is left. Nothing A-Rod even in Steiner.
A-Rod has been purged. And the Yanks say they want him back as soon as possible. Anyone believe that bullshit?
This team will sell anything. Its warning to copyright pirates is sponsored by a law firm. Pitches that paint the corners are sponsored by CertaPro Painters, where painting is personal. The Yankees even sell dirt. A Steinbrenner refusing to take money for an A-Rod shirt? That's the nightmare image that jolts you awake.
* * *
Today's birthdays: Jerry Van Dyke (82),Yahoo Serious (60), Alex Rodriguez (38).
On Baseball Hall of Fame weekend, sit back and listen to the best induction speech ever
I was there for it in 1994.
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