Thursday, October 4, 2012

An empirical discussion of John's incredible Tuesday night WinWarble

I've been unable to load the Warble on Blogger. I don't think this is Evil Bud's doing. I believe it's my computer. So be it. But yesterday, Anonymous raised an interesting point, commenting:

 "duque - how did you not cover the win warble from last night? it was EPIC October 3, 2012 2:36 PM"

I dutifully explained that I tried to post the warble, which ran 7.61 seconds - which is a solid Sterl Hurl by the way - but the glitch kept it from the naked ears of you, the general public.

Today, Anonymous noted,

"he really reared back, dug deep, and gave it everything he had. it was like very bass-y, full of emotion. and i bet last night's was a dud. or did he warble after robbie's second HR when the game was actually over? October 4, 2012 8:12 AM"

Well, the truth is, he/she's right about Tuesday's Warb.

John DID give summon up EPIC boosterism and passion. His concluding "YAN-KEES... WINNNNN" was louder than what he normally projects, using the syncopated breathing techniques required of professional announcing. It portrayed a dynamic passion, rare to warbles. Keep in mind, he had warbled 94 wins this year. You try to warble 94 times, and see if you can still tickle the loins. It aint easy.

Damn. I wish I could play it for you. (Later, I might try again to load the damn thing, but I've tried and tried.) Because -- and this is difficult to admit -- this is one instance where the WinWarble measuring system - our greatest achievement as bloggers, as fans and as scientists - has failed.

Yes. There, I said it. Failed.  By simply measuring the length of the warble, we abdicate any detailed study of decibel-level. Tuesday night, John gave us decibels. And there's no way you can give decibels AND length. It's like giving a huge tax cut AND lowering the deficit. Pick one or the other. You cannot bellow both.

What John did Tuesday night was empty his personal tank on the "THUH" and concluding "Yankees... winnnnn." They were airport level. He still blew a 7.61-second performance. When you consider that 6.50 is a major league WinWarble, the dimensions of what John did - (at his august age, which we will never publish) - is flat-out amazing. Using his normal decibel level, he might have hit 8.50.

They say Sally Rand was still performing her big-feather dance at 70, and the show was as erotic as anything during her salad days. In that regard, John is the Sally Rand of baseball radio announcers. And a 7.61-second, 100-decibel WinWarble must be recognized as an incredible achievement.

We failed.

With regard to last night's warble, I didn't bother. John seldom puts forth a huge warble in a  blowout victory. He's too much of a sportsman to bathe in another team's defeat. Also, I figured he would add a few words - Ballgame over, season over - which renders the WinWarble Index useless for scientific analysis.

We should also note that twice last night on YES, Michael Kay channeled The Master. He called one home run with "IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAR," then failed to finish the orgasm. When the game ended, Michael said, "Ballgame over. Season over." Again, he failed to snap it off.

Anyone who reads this blog knows that we are committed to developing the most systematic and scientific WinWarble measurements known to modern baseball radio announcing. We are the Neilsen Ratings, the People's Choice Awards, of WinWarbles. It hurts to think one incredible Warb could place a permanent shadow over all we've ever done.

But, as we celebrate our team's victory, that is exactly where we are today.

I still believe that in the moment of full scale lust, size and length do matter.

But in the ways of love, have we overlooked the poetry of passion?


hgh said...

Hi, nice post. I have been wondering about this topic, so thanks for sharing. I will certainly be subscribing to your blog.human growth hormone

el duque said...

Why, THANK YOU, hgh. I didn't realize human growth hormone people were into WinWarble analysis.

But I'm a little worried. Could John be juicing? Is your interest in the science of WinWarble analysis sign of future scandal.

As a "subscriber" to our blog, I hope you can comment regularly about this.

Anonymous said...

Glad I could contribute. I really hope you can upload this all-time warble. I want to set it as my ringtone.

el duque said...

How do I know it's really you?

Anonymous said...

you just have to have faith... in me. and andy pettitte's pickoff move.