Join top Syracuse celebrities - the politicians, car ad personalities and TV anchors - at Syracuse University Day 2014, when the Big Apple becomes Big Bill Orange, when Erie Boulevard becomes Broadway, when upstate goes downtown, when - aw, screw it - folks, this'll be huuuuuu-jah. The festivities include:
1. To honor SU's enduring sports legacy, Bleacher Creatures will take up the traditional Orange chant: "A.C.C... A.C.C..."
2. Top professors from various programs will attend game as they do their classes... via Skype!
3. Hiroki Kuroda invents new pitch: The Golden Snowball.
4. To end rhubarbs, SU's Maxwell School of Citizenship will announce "series of panel discussions to facilitate non-violent and constructive dialogues."
5. Base paths will be paved, painted green and renamed "Connective Corridors," at a public cost of merely $30 million!
6. SU alumni Mike Tirico, Bob Costas and Sean McDonough will receive a class in broadcast journalism from Professor John Sterling... driven by Jeep.
7. SU's robust, ever-alert Board of Trustees will lead the stadium in cheers of "LET'S GO METS!"
8. To honor the journalism legacy of famed SU mega-donor S.I. Newhouse, NYC newspapers will cut delivery to three days per week!
9. Carmelo Anthony and Tyler Ennis will attend the first inning, then leave for NBA.
11. Ceremonial first suit-jacket will be thrown out by Jim Boeheim.
12. Stadium will be decked with orange-blue bunting - and 18-inches of snow!
13. To honor the Great New York State Fair: Yangervis Solarte Butter Sculpture!
14. Class of '14 Reunion/Job Fair, featuring retail and chain restaurant opportunities!
15. Yankee legend Alex Rodriguez to perform as Otto the Orange!
16. Insert your own Bernie Fine joke here. (Sorry, but I gotta live in this town.)
Shuttle buses to leave the Carrier Dome - renamed the Cellino & Barnes Personal Attorneys Dome - every 15 minutes. And don't forget! Fifteen minutes can save you a bundle on car insurance...