Tuesday, May 6, 2014

How Can We Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

It looks like yesterday's example of praise for the sufficiently praised--naming a block of River Ave after Mariano Rivera--might have been just another stunt for the publishing industry. Do publicists plan everything? Does anything ever get done anymore, except to close a sale?

The book's first publicity bombshell--Mo would take Pedroia over Cano at second!--gives aid and comfort to Red Sox fans. Nice going. Just as damagingly, it inflates the tiresome indignation of Yankee fans whose only takeaway from Robbie's career is that he jogs to first. Jog or no jog, I sure missed Robbie last night.

I never thought I'd say this but, unless he's going to pitch, I've seen enough Mo to last me awhile. Wake me when the book tour's over.


el duque said...

On the book tour, Mo will meet with low-level publishing "nobodies" in every city, so that he can learn about their lives and talk about what it's like to be a star writer.

bennyboy said...

Wait, Mariano retired?

Sal said...

Mo is clearly right about this and is obviously reflecting widely held sentiments among Cano's teammates. I'm sure any Yankee fan not blinded by tribal prejudice can see that Pedroia instills diligence among his teammates, whereas Cano exudes witless insouciance.

Cano, his talents notwithstanding, is a jerk--he could never be anyone's hero, especially to a kid in the bleachers. Pedroia could and is.

Mustang said...

I don't care if he's any kid's hero. Baseball should be for adults.

Sal said...

Any adult who appreciates baseball must acknowledge the truth of Mo's observations--unless you're implying that Mo is not an adult.

Just what IS your point? That your baseball judgment surpasses Rivera's? That you'd rather have a fuckoff like Cano as a teammate rather than a warrior like Pedroia?

If this is the best you can muster, I'd sooner trust the instincts of any kid in the bleachers.

Mustang said...

My point is, if baseball were for children, they wouldn't put it on at ten o'clock.

KD said...

Robbie could be more than he is but he got his big payday, which is all he ever wanted.

Sal said...

Your point is that you have no point. You have no defense of Cano, so you revert to quips. You can't have it both ways--sweaty indignation in Cano's defense, then coy silliness when your defense has been upended.

Fine--you know more about this than Mariano. You'd rather have Cano on your team than Pedroia. Wow . . . Mustang must be the alias for Brian Cashman.

Mustang said...

At least I'm nice.

Sal said...

It's not "nice" not to engage a subject seriously but to play dodgeball--there's something sort of oily about that. Besides, pinning the badge of "nice" on yourself proves the opposite--nice people don't gloat about being nice--and they don't write tributes to fuckoffs like Cano.

Mustang said...

"Engage a subject seriously?" Sal, have you ever read this blog before?

KD said...

Kids can relate to Ratboy better because the little tykes can shake his hand and look him straight in the eye.

Sal said...

el duque engage seriously on all sorts of Yankee/baseball subjects. The purported frivolity of this blog is a myth purveyed by those unwilling/unable to deal with certain realities. The ironic distancing of certain posters is a defense mechanism against their own hopeless infatuation with the Yankees and baseball. It's beyond serious--it's fandom.

Anonymous said...

Good work Sal. You exposed who the Ratboy of this blog is.

John M said...

Hey, Mustang, it's all over now. The earnest and serious-minded have found you. Flippancy will not save your butt this time.

The Gerbil over Cano? Well, maybe Mo has a point. But if he combs his hair right...

Tom said...

Pedroia inspires but Cano, whose hitting and fielding statistics are appreciably better over the course of their careers, leaves the kids in the bleachers uninspired, directionless, nearly ready to be sentenced to a home for juvenile offenders?

The Jogger, as he has been called here, may have had some small bit of dog in him, but he was a supremely successful and talented Yankee, top 10 in baseball for several years.

Rivera likes Pedroia better. Good for him. He can have him. That doesn't mean I have to agree. Personally, I think Rivera is doing a poor imitation of Tiki Barber, and he ought to shut up and get right with the Yankee gods before he is exiled and shunned, like Tiki.

I am an adult who appreciates baseball and I do not acknowledge the truth of Mo's "observations" and I have engaged this subject seriously -- as a fanboy like Sal.

Sal said...

Hey, Tom--welcome to the 2014 Class of Yankee Idiots--maybe we'll promote you to the class of Yankee Morons because of your strenously polished literary stylings and your HUGE vocabulary of adjectives.

But ranked on baseball knowledge alone, you fall back to the Idiot Class. Allow me to explain:

You gush, all fanboy ardor, that Cano was a "supremely successful" Yankee. Really? How many "Supremely Successful" awards did he win? Cuz I can't find that category on Fangraphs or Baseball-Reference. Do you mean that he was successful and like Michael Jackson is a big fan of Diana Ross? Help us pin this one down, genius.

Then you opine that Cano's hitting and fielding statistics are "appreciably better" than Pedroia's. "Appreciably"--has a nice pedantic authoritative ring to it, but I can't find that category on the stat sites either. Please to enlighten us, O Diamond Sage. We would really really appreciate it--appreciably!

Pedroia has a lifetime dWAr (defensive WAR) of 11.2 to Cano's
6.1. So Cano is "appreciably" better on defense only in your starstruck Bizarro World. On THIS planet, Pedroia is nearly twice a good on defense. I know "twice" isn't nearly as pedantically vague as "appreciably," but it will just have to do for now.

As for offense: Pedroia has a lifetime OPS of .821 and a lifetime OPS+ of 116. Cano's numbers are .857/125. That's marginally better, but essentially they're the same offensive player.

Finally--as to overall player value: Cano has amassed a lifetime WAR of 45.8 over ten seasons vs. Pedroia's 39.6 over 9 seasons. So Pedroia has averaged a 4.4 WAR throughout his career vs. a 4.3 for Cano, making Pedroia the more valuable player, albeit by a hair--remember, the Red Sox are allowed their beards so maybe that tipped the victory to Pedroia.

That fully quantified analysis, you will acknowledge, Tom, is appreciably and supremely more precise and useful and accurate than your ignorant pretentious sophomore-lit-class babble.

FINALLY-Pedroia has one AL MVP award to Cano's ZERO.

Sorry, Tom--looks like you've been exposed as a pompous fraud. It didn't really take much work--in fact, your snot-laden New Yorker prose parody gave the game away before I even ran the numbers.

Ratboy that. Now go to bed hugging your Supremely Appreciably Robbie Bobblehead Doll for solace . . . Fraudboy.

Mustang said...

Yeah, I'm sure Mo was talking about dWAR.

Sal said...

I was talking about tangibles--aspects of performance that can be measured--in order to demonstrate that Pedroia has been, overall, a superior player on the field, if only by a small margin: much better on defense and about the same on offense. Mo was talking about intangibles, and there's no doubt that Pedroia wins hands down, something Cano's own Yankee teammates now freely acknowledge.

So sure--Mo wasn't talking about the tangibles. So what? That wasn't his point, but it was my point. Now what's your point?

KD said...

amusing to me how wed to their position people like Sal are. no wonder humans are so murderous and will remain so until the end of time. Too bad people like Mustang are the exception, rather than the rule.

Sal said...

KD, lacking the IQ to address any baseball points on the merits, roiling and sputtering in frustration over his inability to join a discussion on the substance, finds he can salvage a shred of dignity only by accusing those he disagrees with--but cannot refute--as would be murderers.

There may be a more disgusting and nauseating abuse of a pose of sanctimony, but I have never seen it.

The point is not that Sal is so "wed" to his position, KD--the point is that you lack the intellect and the baseball education to dispute his argument point for point.

So now to compound your intellectual inadequacies you expose yourself as a contemptible slimebag to boot.

Good work!

KD said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
KD said...

Thanks "Sal". I do try and I am truly humbled that a smarty like you chooses to expend mental energy putting me in my place. It stings as much as a bases loaded walk by our closer.

To console myself, I think I'll charm a few of those cute diplomatic aides-de-camp that scrape and fetch for the gang. chicks really do dig the long ball, if ya catch my drift. keep thirsty, my friend.

KD said...

Finally, "Sal", the point is not your points, which are merely stats that anybody can look up and regurgitate. the point is that you are a dick and a bully with no original thoughts and no sense of fun and play. Above all else, baseball is a wonderful, joyful game.

Mustang said...

What KD said. Sometimes I delete nasty comments, because the First Amendment doesn't protect you from me. But Yosemite Sal's are too funny to delete.

Sal said...

KD is a dumb jerk. Mustang, alas, is turning out to be just a jerk--although clearly he's not nearly as doorstop dumb as KD--no one on the list is--few people anywhere are.

Mustang takes the usual evasive action of the chronic posters on this blog--dead-serious baseball heart-on-the-sleeve cris de coeur, until you call him on a blatant inaccuracy or fallacy, and then it's all a joke! Unfortunately, he's the joke with this lame rope-a-dope, which thwarts any kind of discourse other than sophomoric quip trading of the "look-how-cute-and-clever-I-am" variety. Whatever gets you through the day, right, Mustang? Just to reassure--you're VERY clever and VERY cute. Feel better now?

KD, on the other hand, is just a frustrated, dumb little skunk. He's dander fails to rise when someone calls me or someone else a Ratboy, but he's not beyond calling me a would-be murderer simply out of pique at my viewpoint, which he lacks the mental tools to answer on the merits. This is character deformity cum stupidity sans pareil. His daily compulsive thrum of witlessness is a pall on this list, dragging down the overall level of discourse to near nullity and turning away countless would-be Yankee/basball fans who are no doubt appalled by the lack of meat on the bones of the comment threads.

Here are the ground rules: Some asshole out here calls me Ratboy, he gets it back double. Some pompous ass strews undocumented proclamations about Cano being far superior to Pedroia, I slam him with the facts (facts that dunces like KD never seem to deploy or even regurgitate, because they are beyond his tiny ken). All fair and reasonable.

Mustang has no facts--just an occasional flare of minor frat-house wit. That much is at least of minimal entertainment value.

KD's daily shoveling of his mental sludge neither entertains nor informs. It's just a lost, lonely mediocrity looking for some connection--any connection--with other humans that might shore up his battered sense of self-worth.

I have a theme song for KD--I invite your all to join in:

KD sings:
I could wile away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain

I'd unravel any riddle
For any individ'le
In trouble or in pain

With the thoughts you'd be thinkin'
You could be another Lincoln
If you only had a brain

Oh, I would tell you why
The ocean's near the shore
I could think of things I never thunk before
And then I'd sit and think some more

I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain.