Friday, October 16, 2015

Everywhere they look in the playoffs, the Yankees see the one that got away

Later this month, if the Yankees need a float in the big parade down the Canyon of Heroes, here's my suggestion:

For you Da Vinci Code symbolism buffs, that's Hal "I'm Not Cheap" Steinbrenner in the center, flanked by his photogenic siblings, Hal and Jessica, hovering over the red-haired Randy Levine, who leans forward in pursuit of free-agent Chris Capuano. It's a Satanic theme, because this winter looms as one cold, hellish season for the NY Afterthoughts Yankees.

Evil Empire fans face the most humiliating World Series scenario since 1986 - two Yankee nemeses, the Blue Jays and Mets. Both look like powerhouses for years to come.

Who among us cannot recall those wretched 1980s, when you eyed the Yankee lineup and yearned for a cosmic fast-forward button, to bypass the next two years? This may be another Syd Thrift Abyss. Our only chance of escaping may be to spend our way out - yet the more we spend, the deeper we slide. Without a farm system, we are sunk. And under the new NFL rules, the price of a top free agent - your first round pick - often means drafting another Dante Bichette Jr. We can get excited about Greg Bird and Luis Severino, but in every honest assessment - (that is, the ones not made by the YES Network) - our system is middle-of-the-pack, meh. This year, we will draft 22nd - that is, if we keep our pick.

Meanwhile, everywhere we look, we see ex-Yankees. The Mets offer the Core Formers: Curtis Granderson, Bartolo Colon, Tyler Clippard and Kelly Johnson. Clippard represents one of Cashman's worst trades in history - we dealt him for Jonathan "The Raccoon" Albaladejo, straight-up. We also whiffed on Colon, whom we resurrected and then let go, with four solid seasons still in his butterball physique. I guess it was time for the Grandy Man to leave, and Kelly Johnson - well - bleugh. But once upon a time, a player was blessed to wear Pinstripes. Now, the blessing is to take them off.

The Cubs have the guy we traded for Curtis - the oft-traveled Austin Jackson, another player YES Network assessments conveniently forget. Chicago also has the Yankee killer, Jon Lester, and of course, Theo Epstein, Cashman's old buddy. I can't help but think some gentleman's agreement between the two allowed the Yankees to sit out the bidding for Jorge Soler, when he came from Cuba, but - hey - winning is winning, and friends are friends.

Toronto has three modern Yankee killers - Price, Tulo and Bautista, (whose HR bat flips used to inspire bean balls.) They have Russell Martin - who stands as I'm Not Cheap's original sin - (we wouldn't give him a two-year deal) - and LaTroy Hawkins and Jeff Francis, a few of Cash's shots-in-the-dark, and Dioneer Navarro, whom we traded as a baby - long, long ago - in a package for Randy Johnson. (R.I.P. Admiral Halsey.)

The Royals are the Royals, who like anything from Kansas City, once meant they were comprised of future Yankees. Now, I'm not so sure. In the new NFL, KC might keep its stars, at least until age 37, when we gobble them up. Like everything in America anymore, it depends on the whims of the Billionaire In Charge.

Who should we root for? Damned if I know. I was sort of hoping Don Mattingly would get a ring this year. Something tells me - and don't quote me, but I feel it - that Mattingly will be the manager who someday pilots the Yankees out of this abyss. Sometimes, that's the how the juju gods operate. It would be wonderful to watch - like Joe Torre's resurrection, on steroids - but if I'm right, we're three to four years away. Anybody know a cheap, cosmic fast-forward button?

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Look I know we love Donny, but the man is a terrible embarrassment of a manager. Actually watch him from day to day. He makes Girardi look like a genius rather than the resoundingly average headscratcher that he is. I don't want Mattingly anywhere near leading this team, sorry. Try looking around the league and its hard to even complain much about Girardi with the complete idiots that are out there managing.

Anonymous said...

PLEASE DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT MATTINGLY COMING TO THE YANKEES TO MANAGE AGAIN...OLD TIMERS DAY?..YES! MANAGER OR COACH?...NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SORRY, TO SAY THIS, BUT MATTINGLY HAS BEEN AN AWFUL MANAGER IN L.A..... THEY WANT HIM OUT OF TOWN FOR 2 YEARS NOW, AND AFTER WATCHING SOME OF THESE PLAYOFF GAMES, I CAN EASILY SEE WHY. HE LOOKS DULL AND LIFELESS IN THE DUGOUT. PLAYERS ARE YELLING AT HIM DURING THE GAME (ANDRE EITHIER), THEY WERE NOT PREPARED FOR MURPHY'S BASE THEFT YESTERDAY (WHICH COST THEM THE GAME, AND SERIES), HIS EARLY HOOK ON KERSHAW THE OTHER DAY SEEMED LIKE A DISASTER, BUT LUCKILY, THEY GOT OUT OF IT. DONNIE BASEBALL WAS A TERRIFIC YANKEE PLAYER, WHO THE FANS STILL LOVE (MYSELF TOO), BUT THAT'S WHERE IT STAYS....LETS NOT LET OUR FEELINGS GET IN THE WAY OF WHAT WE ARE TRYING TO BE AGAIN...(WE ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH OBSTACLES WITH HAL, AND CASH).....

joe de pastry said...

I know I should root for the Mets because a Mets' championship might be the only thing to get Hal to actually not be cheap, but I can't do it. GO, CUBS, GO!

Anonymous said...

PLEASE JOE...DON'T EVER ROOT FOR THE METS....GO CUBBIES!...

Anonymous said...

WOW, I FORGOT ABOUT JONATHAN ABALADEJO! (FOR CLIPPARD)..(ANOTHER KID CASH CLASSIC)!...AND REMEMBER WE HAD COLON AND FREDDY GARCIA AT THE SAME TIME?..THEY BOTH FADED OUT IN THE 2ND HALF THAT YEAR, BUT IT WAS COLON WHO LOOKED LIKE HE HAD THE BETTER STUFF OF THE TWO...WHO DID WE KEEP??? GARCIA!...WRONG MOVE! WHO MADE THAT DECISION? HAD TO BE CASHMAN RIGHT?...HAD TO BE...ITS DECISION AFTER DECISION LIKE THESE EXAMPLES, THAT BRICK BY BRICK, ARE KEEPING THIS FRANCHISE DOWN....

jdrny said...

Talking about our young players, I saw Girardi interview and he mentioned everyone but Refsnyder.
I see trouble ahead at second base.

Anonymous said...

UNBELIEVABLE!...THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO COMMIT TO THE KID (REFSNYDER)...HE PERFORMED REAL WELL WHEN HE HAS PLAYED DOWN THE STRETCH..HIT A COUPLE PRETTY BIG HOMERS, (BOTH OFF RIGHTIES), SLASHED A FEW OPPOSITE FIELD BASE HITS, AND DIDN'T EVEN HURT US IN THE FIELD, AND HE'S ONLY 23!...I BELIEVE HE CAN BE A PRODUCTIVE RIGHTY BAT WITH A GOOD OBP TOO (AN OBP 100 POINTS MORE THAN WHAT WE ARE USED TOO)..PLUS, HE WOULD ONLY COST THE LEAGUE MINIMUM!... IF HE DOESN'T GET THE JOB, THEN I WANT DANIEL MURPHY!...HE WOULD KILL IT AT YANKEE STADIUM (GLOVE WORK ASIDE).....OH...WHAT THE FUCK AM I TALKING ABOUT?...WE WON'T PLAY EITHER ONE....I'M FORGETTING, WE RATHER HAVE THAT "ROCK SOLID" DEFENSE, AND DEAL WITH SCORING 2 RUNS A GAME. YEAH, THAT MAKES THE BEST SENSE. WE WILL KEEP LOSING 3-2, AND 3-1, BUT AT LEAST WE WILL HAVE A 2ND BASEMAN WHO LOOKS "SMOOTH" ON THE DP PIVOT!..THAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SCORING MORE, OF COURSE! I HEARD CASHMAN ON AN INTERVIEW LAST WEEK TALKING ABOUT HOW HE "STILL LIKES" BEN ZOBRIST...WHILE ZOBRIST IS A DECENT PLAYER, HE IS GOING TO BE FUCKING 35 NEXT SEASON!!!!!....I HATE THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!