Sunday, October 18, 2015
Posted by el duque at 7:13 AM
With a three-game lead in the 2004 American League Championship Series, the so-called "Evil Empire" graciously relented, allowing a homeless band of Redsocks - and their tormented, scurvy-inflicted fans - to taste their first true victory since - oh, a long, long, long time, it's written down somewhere; Google it; my browser isn't working.
It was the greatest act of gift-giving since the invention of wrapping paper. It was punctuated by the great Yankee Secret Santa and sorcerer of the mound, Javier Vasquez, who magically planted a grand slam ball in the wheelhouse of Johnny Damon, sealing an act of kindness that will live forever in the hearts of grateful Boston fans - who still call me frequently, just to say thanks.
Alas, the time has arrived for another New York team to heed the clarion chime of history's chow bell.
The Mets must do the right thing. They must lose to Chicago.
It will be for the greater humanitarian good, and as we all know, nobody yearns more for the greater humanitarian good than a Met fan. Just ask him (or her.)
The fact is, for all combined the pain and torment - enough pain and torment to fill a billion solar systems - Cub fans have out-suffered the long-suffering Met fans, who love nothing more than telling how long they have suffered. Meet a Met fan on the street, and the first thing he (or she) will tell you is how long he (or she) has suffered. He (or she) will instinctively say that he (or she) certainly doesn't expect to win... because he (or she) is a Met fan! And the Met fan was put here to suffer. He (or she) is not like the fat cat Yankee fan. He (or she) is a thin cat Met fan. He (or she) lives to do good.
But - dear God - compared to the long-long-longer suffering Cub fans, Met fans are the frickin' Kardashian sisters (or brothers). No Met fan can truly lament his (or her) endless torment, while in the presence of a Cub fan, without fearing that he (or she) has become a hypocrite. And no Met fan can be a hypocrite. He (or she) is good. Each Met fan is true to himself (or herself), and to the cause of good... because doing good is not doing bad. It's doing good.
Therefore, it's time for every Met to do the right thing: He (or she) must emulate the 2004 humanitarian Yankees and let the Cubbies win. For God's sake, they're the Cubbies! Nobody calls the Mets the Metsies. Does the Met fan want to do bad? Of course, not. He (or she) wants to do good. This is his (or her) chance to sow the seeds of greater humanitarian good, because the greater humanitarian good is real good.
It's time for each Met to do his (or her) true job. History is calling him... or her.