FIFTY THOUSAND MOONS
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Posted by el duque at 11:22 AM
The nominees for the 2015 Yankee IT IS HIGH Gopher Ballsman Award - that is, the Yankee pitcher who surrendered the most soul-crushing, spine-sapping, TV-kicking-in home run balls this past season - are...
CC Sabathia (applause)
Masahiro Tanaka (applause)
Chasen Shreve (wild applause)
I would ask that the audience, in respect to the nominees, refrain from your applause at this time...
Chris Capuano (dead silence)
Esmil Rogers (mild applause)
A drum roll please...
And the winner is... a threesome!... CC Sabathia, Masahiro Tanaka and Chasen Shreve!
Accepting the award for Misters Sabathia, Tanaka and Shreve is Edwar Ramirez...
Each winning Yankee Gopher Ballsman delivered 1.5 home runs per nine innings of pitching. Sabathia contributed 28 HRs, Tanaka offered 25 and Shreve gave up only 10 - but per 9 innings, they fell into a statistical dead heat.
(Note, because they did not throw enough innings to qualify, several Yankee pitchers were not eligible for this award, but still deserve recognition: They are Jacob Lindren (3.9 HR per nine innings) Sergio Santos (3 HR), Caleb Cotham (3.7 HR), Jose DePaula (2.7), Andrew Bailey (2.1), and gopher legend Danny Burawa (13.5 HR per nine innings.)
Congrats to all!