Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Toronto is checking out of the wild card race, ending its run as an AL East power

So long, Tulo. Farewell, Joey Bats. O, Canada, we say goodbye to theeeee. You had a nice run, Blue Jays, but it's hockey season - time to get the puck outahere. 

Toronto has lost four in a row, effectively excusing itself from the heretofore, all-inclusive, every-dog-gets-a-ribbon 2017 wild card pet show. For most of the modern season, this is the NBA, which conducts business only to eliminate one or two incredibly horrible teams. (And in the AL, it's been the White Sox and A's, with the Tigers joining them this week.) Even now, Toronto is only 6 games out - theoretically, they're still competitive. But with eight teams ahead of them... well... how 'bout them Hamilton Tiger-Cats!

Study the bottom of the Wild Card standings, and you see teams colliding like U.S. Naval destroyers. Next time the music stops, Tampa and Baltimore could find themselves without chairs. That means, for the next few weeks, they'll be playing the imaginary seventh games of their dwindling fantasy world series. And two weeks after that, unless something magical happens, they'll be auditioning the Zolios and Tylers from Triple A. 

So what does this mean for our heroes?

We face Showalter's Showgirls seven more times this season, between Sept. 4 and Sept. 17. In the first three-game series, they'll be raging, throwing the kitchen sink. Two weeks later, they should be neutered, although that won't keep Buck from riling up the club out of pure Yankee hatred, which burns hotter than a million suns. 

We go six against Tampa, three in early September and three in the last week of the season. Again, this is a thoroughly hateful franchise that would do anything to knock the Yankees out of the wild card race.

We play six against Toronto, all in the final two weeks. By then, they will be operating on pure spite. Our last three games of the season are against the Jays at home. By then, they should be a rag doll. 

Other series:

After Detroit, we play three against Seattle this weekend. Time to jab a fork into Robby and see if he runs.

Three against Cleveland. Be afraid. Be very afraid. But Andrew Miller is hurt again.

Four against Boston. Move along, everybody, go home, there's nothing to see.

Three against Texas. Should be out of it by then.

Three against Minnesota. Young team, the next Houston?

One against Kansas City. A make-up. Could be critical.


I say all this because, until we show the ability to beat Boston, this is a wild card race. And Toronto is no more. Au Revior!

12 comments:

Parson Tom said...

So, if we beat up on the weaklings, as we did last night but didn't do a couple of weeks ago, and go about .500 against the good teams, which we haven't been doing but who knows because hope springs eternal, I think we have a strong chance to finish the season.

KD said...

The Big Event last night? Judge didn't strike out! And Sancho... WOW!!

Feasting on crappy teams better than not eating at all.

el duque said...

Mmm-mmm... bacon!

JM said...

The Tigers are really bad. A shame, really, given their history, but I'll take a sweep if we can get it.

If Toronto really goes in the crapper for a few years, I wonder if Canada will cough up their final MLB team? Maybe they could start a Canadian baseball league, like the CFL. That might actually be fun.

Alphonso said...

Au revoir. I'm just saying.....

13bit said...

Let's skip the whole concept of a race. Let's try to trade Ellsbury and Chapo for some donuts I know this is a complete fantasy, but it makes me happy to verbalize it. Let's bring up all the young guys. Let's get rid of all the mediocre lard-asses. Let's tear down the stadium while we're at it, pull out the old blueprints, and rebuild the old stadium where it used to be. Let's dig up George's body and clone some of his rotten old DNA. If that doesn't work, can we get Hal to see out to CBS? CNN? The CDC? IT DOESN'T WORK, BRIAN, YOUR IDIOT PHILOSOPHY DOESN'T WORK. Go hang out with Randy on a yacht near Jamaica Bay. Maybe you'll get shipwrecked in Queens and be unable to find your way home. Tell Joey Binders to come rescue you, then close all the bridges and tunnels. FORGET THE RACE. This is getting to be like Groundhog Day - same shit, different year. You teased us all last year with the sliver of hope that you would be doing things differently, but why should a no-imagination moron ever learn something new or change their ways? WHY WAS I STUPID ENOUGH TO FALL FOR THIS? It's Lucy and the football. It's deja-vu all over again. It's getting dark early out here. Oh shit, they let me out of my cage. I'm so sorry to rant. I just saw the word "race" and lost my mind. The race is over, my friends. I'm going to take a bike ride and forget the pain of Yanksistence for a few moments. Maybe I'll find a good ice vendor uptown and drown my sorrows in mango listeria ice. UGH.

Leinstery said...

The stars aligned last night. The Yankees actually beat up on a pitcher who had an era around 6. Normally they let those guys throw 7 shut out innings. And not only that but when the score was 4-0 John astutely pointed out "So the Yankees, who can go weeks without a sac fly, have two here tonight." Finally, the binders answered the calls to put Gary in the three hole, and he delivered.

Let us hope that this is the beginning of renewed favor from the juju gods and not a one time thing

Anonymous said...

13 BIT.... "LUCY WITH THE FOOTBALL" MADE ME LAUGH.

MAY I ASK A QUESTION?

WTF ARE WE WAITING FOR WITH BIRD AND CASTRO???

ARE WE TRYING TO GET ONE OR BOTH OF THEM HURT DURING THESE ALL IMPORTANT "REHAB" GAMES?

THIS IS INSANITY, PURE INSANITY.

I BET GIRARDI AND CASHMAN ARE IN FULL AGREEMENT THAT WE SHOULD "TAKE OUR TIME WITH THOSE 2, BECAUSE HEADLEY AND TODD FRAZIER ARE HITTING NOW."

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT?

NICE GUY GIRARDI IS ACTUALLY STRESSED BENCHING EITHER HEADLEY OR FRAZIER WHEN BIRD COMES BACK....(SO LETS NOT DO ANYTHING FOR NOW).

BELIEVE IT.

INSANITY!

Anonymous said...

From the Dept. of Miscellany: Is Heidi Watney married? Just curious.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Married.

According to that website, she also used to suck face with Jason Varitek.

Eeeew.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, LBJ. You linked to some of the most delectably awful writing to appear outside of a fourth-grade composition glass--e.g.:

"Besides her academic excellence, she is also pretty in her looks."

"She has been earning lucrative amount of salary . . . ."

I guess this is one of those Macedonian sites. Or maybe it was co-authored by these guys:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwFD3KVJHU8

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