Thursday, May 10, 2018

Call up McBroom!

It's McBroom time! Intoxicated with felony-grade, uncut juju, and - thus - speaking on behalf of Yankee fans everywhere, I hereby call upon the Yankees to bring up Ryan McBroom from Scranton and bat him third tonight. The 26-year-old OF, whom we acquired for Brigadoon Refsnyder, is hitting .260 with 2 HRs at Triple A. It doesn't matter. Tonight, the Yankiverse will settle for nothing less than an appearance from McBroom! 


By the way, tonight, let us NOT forget to continue our targeted, micro-surgical juju treatment for Brett Gardner. You don't just apply the sauce and leave him over the coals. You hover, constantly slathering him with juju, making sure he is moist and tender. A proper juju treatment requires nightly doses, at least for the first week. Remember: 

Gardy average before May 9 Juju Intervention: .198
Gardy average after May 9 Juju Intervention: .600.

Best moment from last night, not including Yankee scores: Watching J.D. Martinez run into El Chapo, who wasn't even watching, and fall on his fanny like a sack of Joe Piscarciks. Even better... he jumped up whining how he should be awarded second base, as if it mattered. Even better... the umps didn't buy it.  

Runner up: Mets batting out of order, costing possible rally. You can't make up this shit. They are now a game above .500... 2-8 over their last 10. Hard to believe that they won the monthly Tabloids races in February and April, and seemed poised to become NY's Cinderella team. Now, they're Fumble-eena. 

Second runner up: David Price - the $31 million romaine salad from Yuma, Arizona - was diagnosed with carpal-tunnel, probably from video games. How do we know this? The Redsocks are denying it. God, reading this stuff is like eating ice cream. NO COLLUSION!

Only downside yesterday: Pitching in Syracuse, fading prospect Chance Adams failed to make it through the third, yielding five runs. Last year, he looked like an over-achieving future fifth starter. This year, he's been hammered. It happened on a night when the Redsocks announced their top prospect, Jason Groome, needs Tommy John surgery.

I take no pleasure from such news. Imagine the pain of a young man whose lifelong dream is suddenly in a cast. It must remind us that, when it comes to prospects, the only sure thing is in numbers. Unless we have a wave of competing young players, we should never fool ourselves into feeling secure. For example, I happen to still believe in Tyler Wade, but the odds are growing that he will never make it with the Yankees, and that his future value is in a trade. Not long ago, we were backed up at SS. Now, Wade is slumping, disillusioned, and both Thairo Estrada and Kyle Holder are injured. Overnight, a team can go from overstocked to a bare shelf. 

As the summer unfolds, the Yankees should take a page from the New England Patriots, who are always acquiring future draft picks. And tonight, WE WANT McBROOM!


Parson Tom said...

Oh, how delicious that would be! McBroom them and bring in a new gaggle of Spanish victory ladies.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

Not only do I want them to sweep tonight, I want a rout. I want an 11-1, holy-shit-what-the-hell-was-that? kind of game.

I would love to see five runs in the first, five runs in the second, and a solo shot by our #8 guy off some scrub reliever doing mop-up duty in the 8th.

I want to see CC Sabathia cruise, relax, and smile that big smile of his.

It would be about the best thing in the entire world. Am I asking too much?

Ken of Brooklyn said...

LBJ, you are asking too much,,, and so am I, LOL!!!! That would certainly be the cherry on top to beat all cherries on top!

But nothing will ever rival the happiness I felt last night, the surgical strike of our collective JuJu that ALSO served up a painful pineapple to the Sux!

HoraceClarke66 said...

We're Yankees fans. That's what we do. We ask too much.

HoraceClarke66 said...

A young player seeing his dreams potentially ruined IS terrible, even if it's a Red Sock.

David Price getting carpal tunnel from playing too many video games is kind of hilarious.

And gee, I thought it had come from him typing out stupid new insults to hurl at Eckersley.

Maybe it's neither of these things. Maybe it's just, shall we say, excessive auto-stimulation. Has anyone checked his palms for hair?

JM said...

First place. Feels kind of funny, it's been so long.

This win skein is getting insane. It's like they don't even have to try very hard, they just win.

Gardy and J.C. "K" Scranton came through. And Judge hit a homer late, and it mattered.


Ken of Brooklyn said...

To be honest, I almost turned off the game because it just didn't seem to be our night for so many reasons, THEN, it became obvious that Gardy would come up again with the possibility of a ridiculous Hollywood scripted mega JuJu moment. I held my breath, and By Duque, it actually happened!
This was the sweetest victory, so far, of the season for me.

TheWinWarblist said...

I shouted myself hoarse. The puppies were barking at me. The cats went into hiding. I have work to do. Ah, yes, the responsibilities of my rewarding career beckon. I have naught lefty to offer. Pants at the cleaners, unicorn shorts wrung dry after last night. I have nothing left except my unextinguishable desire for the Yankees to win and win and win. To the colossal disgust and pain and of the rest of the country, nay the entire world!! Let the entire world remember the unending helplessness of the late 1990s and tremble!!

TheWinWarblist said...

And may Verlander thrombose a tangled nest of hemorrhoids.

TheWinWarblist said...

Either his own or Gerrit Cole's. Doesn't matter to me. Either way I'd be happy.

13bit said...

83 wins. I'm going to keep saying it, mainly cause I'm scared to say anything else.

AND, while I'm at it, we need uh....what do we need now that seemed so urgent three weeks ago?

AND, WinWarblist, I like your thinking, especially on Verlander's fate. I had a really graphic version of how Kate U. would have discovered those hemorrhoids, but I decided to spare this clean-cut community from my sick and sorry perversion.

TheWinWarblist said...

T'is true 13bit. We may have flown too high, too close to the sun. Our wings are melting, and we know it not. Doom and unfathomable sadness is all we will have as we plummet ...

Rufus T. Firefly said...

I am greedy as well.

I want to hear the "Who's your daddy?" chants EVERY inning tonight.

It seemed louder on the NESN feed for some reason last night.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Indeed! Faith, I am sure our collapse doth wax anew, and we shall win only 71 games this year!

That's right! Just 71! We're about to 45-81 the rest of the way!

(Who was that idiot who predicted 112 wins and stirred the JuJu gods out of their subterranean caverns? Shame on him!)

Joe of AZ said...

I propose a Moon Hanley night after his classless show boating.

The Yankees outclass THE Scrub Sawx IN EVERY WAY!

News flash Mr hanley. You might want to start beating teams not named the royals or orioles before u strut

Break out the McBrooms tonight

TheWinWarblist said...

Give Jackie Bradley his due. He took that 103 mph RPG to the ribs like a pro. But Hanley needs one to the nuts. He and Yadi Molina could compare scars.

13bit said...

I think you'll have to run any moon-related activities past L.B.J., who is the Director of Mooning in these parts or, as we say down in old Kentucky "he's the man who shows those parts in these parts."

And what rhymes with "parts?" Okay, time to eat my Greek salad and calm down.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Too bad Machine Gun (Cy Young) Kelly can't get to bat.

Austria's Only Baseball Fan said...

I DO NOT want to be the top team in MLB for a mere 24 hours. Someone’s Rain Dance Juju provided an elegant excuse for CC to get away without more damage. The collective Gardy Juju worked again, and the bottom of the 7th was just beautiful. But what do we do about Delicate Betances? Is there such a thing as Reverse Juju? A Summons to Odile (the name of the Black Sawn in “Swan Lake”)? Voodoo dolls?