Thursday, December 3, 2020

If Hal Steinbrenner is really his father's son, he'll sign Kyle Schwarber

At times, I suspect that Hal "Food Stamps" Steinbrenner is playing out an elaborate, condensed, re-enactment of his father's timeline. If so, we are reliving Old George's evolutionary history, and we are currently mired in the Danny Tartabulleacean Period, aka the "Worst Team Money Can Buy" era. Back then, when we talked about "the Hall," we meant Mel Hall.

If this is true, we are four years away from the next championship.  

Every idiot fan in captivity knows that teams today win with youth, defense and pitching. Nevertheless, we could be entering a phase when Hal - channeling Daddy - chases sluggers the way kittens pounce on jiggly strings. 

Which brings me to the reason behind this bizarre and terrifying theory:

The apparent Yankee infatuation with Kyle Schwarber. 

Yesterday, the Cubs cut ties with Schwarber, who hit.188 in 59 games last season, while fanning in a third of his at-bats. Over his six-year career, Schwarber is a .230 hitter with great power... when he connects. (Cue the Gary Sanchez wah-wah sound.) In 2019, Schwarber hit 38 HRs, his peak. In March, he'll turn 28. Defensively, he has the range of the Utah Monolith. Nobody will ever call him "Operation Warp Speed."

But but BUT... he bats LH, and supposedly, Brian "Cooperstown" Cashman has a stiffy for him. You think Trump's Tweets are scary? Here's one from last night that's horrific...

So, could Schwarber actually be a thing? 

Last year, Schwarber earned $7 million, a small truckload, as looming Yankee fiascos go. Trouble is, we've seen this movie before, and it never ends well. 

To jam a beached whale like Schwarber into their lineup, the Yankees would need to tear apart the current roster. That might not be the worst thing ever. Their batting order now tilts farther right than Alabama. They'd trade Giancarlo Stanton for a bowl of nuts. If we are reliving 1991, adding Schwarber and his 200 strikeouts would seem the most George-like thing the franchise can do. 

Let's hope our interest in Schwarber is Russian disinformation. A few winters ago, remember Cashman's gushy lip service to Manny Machado and Bryce Harper? Maybe this is that. It never hurts to fawn over the shiny Buick, especially if you have no real plans to make an offer. 

Let's hope that's it. Schwarber would be a terrible fit on this team. And if Hal is truly reliving Daddy's spiritual journey, we won't see a ring for four or five years. I'm all for rebuilding, but that's too long. 


Celerino Sanchez said...

Why would you want this guy. You're just adding SO/HR guy to a lineup full of them. How about reversing course and signing more guy like LeMahieu.

DickAllen said...

I. Can't. Even. Comment.

JM said...

I agree with Celerino. It's totally logical and would create a championship offense.

Yeah, they'll never do it.

By the way, in other tendering news:

"The Yankees also agreed to a one-year, $1.05 million contract with right-hander Luis Cessa and a one-year deal with right-hander Ben Heller, who gets $625,000 in the majors and $225,000 in the minors.

The Yankees allowed right-hander Jonathan Holder to become a free agent, declining to offer a 2021 contract."

Still stuck with Cessa and Heller, but no more Holder jokes next year. Damn.

Anonymous said...

Celerino is totally right. That said,

A few thoughts...

1) Sign Mel Hall (From the 1989 Yankees Holiday Songbook)

"Sign Mel Hall with bales of money... la la la la la. la lalalala.

2) Schwarma

So I'm reading Joel Sherman today and he's trying to figure out how to make a Kyle Schwarber signing work and these were the two that he came up with...

a) Trade Frazier and give him left field. Trade a guy who is a power hitter, who got a gold glove nomination (Hey, he did!) and can hit for average and give it to a guy who is considerably worse and is essentially a left handed Gary Sanchez.

b) Trade Luke Voit and give Schwarber a 1B mitt. (please re-read what I wrote in a. then add at least Schwarber has played left, however poorly.

BTW I don't think Joel Sherman want him. He was just trying to figure out how to use him.

3) The Real Issue. Theo Epstein is a better GM

Because he was willing to get rid of a big name player "in his prime" because... wait for it... he's not really that good.

4) Exit Velocity

From Sherman, "But here is something to keep in mind about Sanchez and Schwarber — even in difficult seasons they remained among the majors’ best in exit velocity."

I've written about this sham "feel good" statistic before. Let me add, I'm sure it's valid on BATTED BALLS not so much on balls that are low and away when all you need is an opposite field single to win the game.

Doug K.

Anonymous said...

I will never forget all the stinging line drive Mark Tex sent to deep 2d because of the shift and his steadfast refusal to hit against the shift. Now the dunderhead is an analyst. Kinda like having someone gored at the Running of the Bulls discuss accident avoidance.
The Archangel

TheWinWarblist said...

What the fuck!? WHY!?


HoraceClarke66 said...

Oh, poor, sweet, gullible Duque!

The Yankees aren't 4-5 years from a championship. Would that they were!

The Yankees are now in the self-destruction phase of The Dynasty That Never Was.

Think more 1982 than 1992. Or almost anytime in the '80s. Think guys like Wayne Tolleson and Pat Clements and Bobby Meacham and Omar Moreno who were not so horrible in and of themselves but who you would look at and think,'Oh, they're never going to win a championship with him!'

Guys who were added with no real plan in mind, just picked up because one of "George's baseball people," racking his brain to try to stay on the gravy train, said, 'Well, we can always get ____".

4-5 years? I guarantee you right now: it will be another 20 before the Yankees hoist another World Series banner.

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