Wednesday, December 23, 2020

Yanks sign Lucas Luetge! Yanks sign Lucas Luetge! Yanks sign Lucas Luetge!

Festivus has come early! The Yankees have signed Lucas Luetge! The Yankees have signed Lucas Luetge! The war on Christmas is over! We just kicked its ass!

Yep. As stated above, the Yankees have signed Lucas Luetge. That's... something... all righty. Lucas Luetge. Didn't see it coming. That's why following the Yankees is so bountiful and mirthy. You never know when... um, hey, everybody: LUCAS LUETGE!

So... no need to theorize John Sterling's homer holler. Lucas Luetge pitches. 

So... Lucas Lester "Lucifer" Luetge hasn't pitched in the majors for five years. He had Tommy John surgery, missed 2017-18, trolled the minors in 2019 and spent this godforsaken year on the Oakland taxi squad. In his career, he has cashed checks from the Brewers, Mariners, Angels, Reds, Diamondbacks and A's. His Twitter account last night described him as a pitcher for the Yankees and a stay-at-home dad.

Okay, spoiler alert: He just won me over.

Obviously, most Yank fans have never heard of Lucas Luetge. But as New York Lotto says, Hey, ya' never know...  

No GM ever lost his job by stockpiling cheap, obscure lefties. Luetge is a bullpen lug nut, a LOOGY, following the hovesteps of Randy Choate. (In 2015, his last taste of MLB batters, lefty hitters batted .000 against him. That's right, critics... Zero! He faced one LH hitter and got him out. Perfection!) Signings like this can be the difference between third place and a wild card. At 33, Lucas Luetge has finally reached his summit. 

Welcome to the Yankiverse, Mr. L. Merry Christmas to all.


JM said...

Hey, we're really moving now! Pretty soon all our problems with the rotation, SS, catcher, and center field will be solved and we'll win the World Series!!

Yessir, this is great news. Cashman is on the warpath, baby! Look out, MLB!!

TheWinWarblist said...

I shannot resume punching myself in the crotch. I will not and shannot!!

Die Cashman! Die! Die!

TheWinWarblist said...

There you have it: Lucas Luetge, a well-spoken man of the people.

ranger_lp said...

Well that signing put us over the Ca$hman that was...

Lucas Luetge said...

Cheers Warbler, and i'm presuming of course that you wholeheartedly, unequivocally and unreservedly agreed with everything i said ! ?.

Nails said...

I remember folks being similarly unenthused when we brought Voit, Urshela, and Green onboard. It’s another low risk move that could yield surprising dividends.

Anonymous said...

Man, a lot of people just fall off the wagon during the holidays.... Sadly.

TheWinWarblist said...

Ouuff! I would never agree with that Lucas Luetge; a well-spoken man of the people he may be, but still a goat-blowing creep!

He needs to get therapy for his ephebophilia. And to get out of his mom's basement before he molests children again. Here's hoping getting on the field of play does him a world of good.

Lucas Luetge said...

Warbler, i think your mind has been poisoned with lies, hypocrisy and ludicrous nonsense by the liars, hypocrites, cowards and deceivers who unfortunately run Hollywood and the media. Always keep in mind that for well over a hundred years now they've had the nerve to be holier than thou in public but unholier than the devil in private, and astonishingly even at this point in the 21st century millions of people are still going for that con and deception like lambs to the slaughter, it's very bizarre.

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When you've locked up Lucas Luetge the Loogie, you've locked up just about leverything.

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