Thursday, April 9, 2015

On behalf of the Yankiverse: Thank you, Toronto! And may you always return to confront us on the field of play

Dear Blue Jays from the North,

Too often, we in the business of channeling the rise and fall of the New York Yankees have a tendency to get down on the world.

We see the glass not as half empty, but as half-full... of pee - Satan's, to be precise, after he's eaten a pound of German asparagus. It's not pleasant. But then, thankfully, you come to town - O, you wacky kids with your Canadian smiles and madcap bullpen - to remind us once again that flowers will rise, as long as the AL East is a traveling dump truck full of manure.

Last night, with your crazy wild pitches and hit batters - you not only gave the Yankees our first victory, but you serviced us, right in our homes. It was like a surprise, pre-paid pizza arriving on the doorstep. It was joyful night I shall not forget.

You see, I had given up. Down by two runs in the eighth, I had concluded that the world is a horrible place, and that there would never again be Christmas - because the mean old Grinch, Hal Steinbrenner, had slithered down the chimney with Stephen Drew and stolen all the goodies.

Then you came.

I thank you.

I salute you.

Dammit, you are so much more than Celine Dion and the Crash Test Dummies, whose breakout hit "M-M-M-M" was seriously overplayed on FM drive-time.

You deserve all the oil pipelines you can get.

You are always welcome in Yankee Stadium.

In fact, remember:.. there is another game tonight! BE THERE, O, JOLLY FRIENDS FROM WINTER! WE CAN'T DO IT WITHOUT YOU!


KD said...

I was waiting for something like this to happen. It's the BJ's, after all. I felt like a bad kid at Christmas. I knew these gifts were underserved but I gladly accepted them anyway. And now I want more!

Question for the group: anyone know how to stream The Master on an iPad so I can turn off the volume on my set? I did find a free radio app that had a station broadcasting the game but there was about a 45 second lag between the TV action and the Masters dulcet tones.

John M said...

That technology stuff is beyond me, KD. I just turn on the stereo and dial in the game on the old Kenwood tuner. Or pull in the Zenith kitchen radio from the next room, which sounds great once the tubes warm up.

I just happened to turn on the game in the bottom of the eighth. Cripes, those Jays are some generous fellas. But you know how nice Canadians are.

KD said...

You're right, John M. Canadians ARE nice. So nice that I sometimes feel badly taking advantage of them. The feeling passes, however.

The tuner on my stereo gets crappy reception, so I thought I'd go HiTech. But Damn! what's with that delay?

Tom said...

Before the Jays extended their helping hand, I was convinced the Yanks were headed to a 0-162 bagel for the season. The evidence up to that point all seemed to be pointed in one direction.