Tuesday, December 19, 2017

The Toddfather/Manny rumors won't seem to go away

When the ALCS ended in Houston, I bade a bittersweet farewell to Todd Frazier - he of the contagious smile and downward thumbs - and kissed him goodbye, never expecting to see him again. The Toddfather's three months in pinstripes were like a jubilant, frenzied one-night stand - an explosion of lust and shared pleasure without complications or remorse. Next morning, the stained walls, frosted windows and broken box springs testified to a night of X-rated aerobics that I expected to always remember fondly.

That morning, I rose, showered, breakfasted and left for the blog, wondering when feeling would return to my badly tweaked gonads, only to find - Dear God! - there he was! sitting on the curb with those crazed eyes and the wild grin, giving the thumbs-down gesture. The Toddfather! It's now been two months. He's still there, tapping on my windows, jiggling the doorknob and trying to get inside, so he can boil my pet bunny on the stove.

What did I do, bringing this guy home for the playoffs?

Last week, at the winter meetings, a similar event nearly happened with Manny Machado. Rather than lose Manny to free agency next winter, the O's put him out for bids - but with one stipulation: They would not trade him to NYC. I thought, Fine, assholes. Why would I trade prospects for a guy I can sign next year, especially when it means dealing with a poor-sport? Then the White Sox tried to broker a three-way, and I feared waking up one morning next to Manny and the ghost of Harold Baines. 

When the meetings ended and nothing happened, I felt we'd dodged a bullet. The bunny was safe. The wily White Sox had gone home.

But I look out the window and - gulp - Manny is still there. Today, we see reports that the Orioles might reconsider trading him to the Yankees - that is, if they can squeeze enough blood from our partially zombified testicles. When I come home from working at the blog, I'm back to expecting bunny soup. 

Listen: To win in 2018, the Yankees don't need Todd Frazier or even Manny Machado - at least not yet. We certainly don't need a .215 hitter with a tendency to botch grounders. (Not ragging on Todd's defense, but he was no Clete Boyer.) And the price for a year of Machado - who wants to play SS anyway - is way too high.

I keep hearing the Yankees have "openings" at 2B and 3B, and I think, This is a bad thing? What we have are healthy competitions among legitimate prospects, there is no more hopeful sign for an organization. 

At 3B, we have Miguel Andujar, 22, who hit .315 last year at Triple A. On any other team, he'd be penciled in to start. We have Ronald Torreyes, who outplayed Chase Headley last year in a backup role. We have Tyler Wade, 23, a speedy shortstop who hit .310 at Scranton. We have Thairo Estrada, 21, a SS who hit .342 this fall in Arizona. We have Glyber Torres, considered the best IF prospect in baseball. Good grief, if all were to fail, we could bring up Cito Culver - yes, THE Cito Culver, or Donovan Solano, or Abiatal Avelino, yes THE Abiatal Avelino, and my guess is one of them could hold down 3B and hit .210. Yes, every one is a question mark... but together, as a wave of competitors, what are the odds that they all fail? And so what if they do? We will be fielding one of the most potent batting orders in Yankee history, and if nobody steps forward - if everybody goes back to Scranton - there will still be cagey veterans wandering the discos of Florida, looking to shack up with us in late March. We can end up bringing home Howie Kendricks, and it'll only cost us the booze it takes to make him look like Starlin Castro. 

If we crawl back into bed with the Toddfather, we end up with another Chris Carter situation, and another bad contract to dump on August 1. If we trade for Manny, we not only lose our options to buy pitching, but we lock ourselves out of next year's potential bidding for Bryce Harper. Yeah, they may look good standing on the curb, hiking up their skirts. Don't talk to them. And for God's sake, don't let them in. DON'T LET THEM IN! 

8 comments:

KD said...

Cash might be like the poker player with a winning hand but can't sit pat.

Hal, give Cash a bonus and send him on a 3 month vacation. His work is done.

and duque, your writing and imagination just gets better and better.

13bit said...

Crackhead Cash can’t stop himself.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


A few days ago, you wrote a piece that deserved to be shared far and wide among baseball fans everywhere.

While all IIHIIFIIc readers will enjoy and respect today's fantastic effort, this one needs to be targeted at a different audience ... a much narrower audience. The article needs to be printed out on paper, wrapped around a brick or a bullet, and fired through Brian Cashman's bedroom window. Shoot, we should just print out the next-to-last paragraph and send it via certified mail to Cooperstown Cashman at his Stadium office to ensure he reads it.

Really great stuff.

Parson Tom said...

.... and send it via certified mail to Cooperstown Cashman at his Stadium office ... with an equally large brick of crack. As 13bit noted, ol'Cash is a bit compulsive, needs the rush. Let's give it to him and keep him busy so he doesn't screweverything up.

The Ghost of Yankees past said...

“ so he can boil my pet bunny on the stove”........classic!

HoraceClarke66 said...

KD, you're right on regarding both Cashman and Duque.

The man just cannot leave it alone. And he's egged on by all these stupid/bored sportswriters, the same guys who will be the first to crucify him for spending a lot of money, or if a player doesn't work out; and the casual fans, who cannot conceive of the Yankees ever taking a chance on a rookie.

They keep writing things such as "Yes, Gerrit Cole had his worst year in 2017, and gave out home runs like jujubees. But hey, he pitched a lot of innings!"

Great! A guy who is terrible but stays on the field!

Hell, if these people had been around in 1951, they would have filled up a slow day by suggesting we bundle Mickey Mantle, Whitey Ford, and Gil McDougald for Mickey Vernon.

HoraceClarke66 said...

The one (and only) thing to be said about re-upping the Toddfather, though: he might preclude some much, much worse for Manny or (shudder) Cole.

JM said...

I continue to believe this team is run by the Peter Principle.