Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Waiting for Cashman to drop the bomb

In advance of next week's winter meetings, to be held at - (no lie) - the Walt Disney Swan and Dolphin Resort in Orlando - (Let's hope they've fenced off the alligators) - the Gammonites have begun gobbling. 

It's a holiday tradition, where pro scribblers and self-appointed bloggers conjure abstract trades in which the Yankees mystically convert seven Cito Culvers and two Colter Beans into one Manny Machado - deals that only exist in Internet drivel and that 14-year-old Monty Hall who lives inside each of us. It's fun to imagine the bank robber trades that Cooperstown Cashman could pull off, if only all other GMs were variants of Jerry Reese and Neville Chamberlain. We could believe in Santa again. Unfortunately, the Christmas realty is that none of these proposed deals ever happen. When Cash yanks the ripcord on a super-volcano trade, it hits more like a terror attack than a band of carolers - unexpected, out of nowhere, never flagged in advance.

It's almost here: The annual Cashman Christmas Cataclysm. It could be four nobodies for El Chapo, Adam Warren for Starlin, Shane Greene for Didi, or Jesus himself for that guy with the neck full of pine tar. We have lured our manager from ESPN - (Jessica Mendoza as third base coach?) - and we now know that the Japanese Babe Didrikson has a thing for California wildfires. That leaves Cashman's fertile mind popping like Lucy on a fast-moving conveyor belt full of chocolates. Whatever is coming, don't bother trying to anticipate it. Just brace for impact.

Yesterday, various operatives were rattling around this idea: Dellin Betances and Chance Adams to the Cubs for Kyle Schwarber. Not that it matters, but I dunno what to think. Schwarber is a crap shot - a once-heralded future star who looks increasingly like the baseball version of Chris Farley. He might get it together like Aaron Hicks - (between injuries) - but do we really want a 24-year-old DH? Isn't that a bit young to be going full Pronk? Certainly, Betances could use a new home fan base to terrorize. As for Adams, well, I am an ardent and unrepentant prospect-hugger, and I hate to see any more young players floating out the door. For every three kids, you might get one who makes it. There is only strength in numbers, which right now, the Yankees have. Start trading them - we dealt four of our top 10 last July - and all this talk of a Yankee resurgence could vanish into the hot tubs of the Walt Disney Swan and Dolphin Resort. Think they have fenced off the alligators? And should we want them to?


Leinstery said...

Schwarber stinks, but I can see Cooperstown trading for him because he tried to trade for him in the great rebuild of July-August 2016. Thankfully the Cubs said no and gave him Torres instead.

When does the Tabloid year end? If it's December 31 then the Yankees can't be caught so can we declare them the winners already?

Anonymous said...

Y'know, guys, I love this blog. Growing up in California in the 50s & 60s it was no easy task to follow the Yankees. But how could you NOT be a Yankees fan? MICKEY MANTLE! WHITEY FORD! Dizzy Dean & Pee Wee Reese would broadcast NBC's Game of the Week at 11am Pacific every Saturday and invariably we had the thrill of seeing a game at Yankee Stadium even though it was occurring 3000 miles away. No illusions. These were the NEW YORK Yankees. We understood that NYC was inextricably part of the mystique. But Snoop Dogg struck a righteous chord of truth when he pointed out that while West Coasters rarely fail to give tbe East Coast the respect it deserves, we Californians also understand that the sentiment will not be reciprocated. No hard feelings. That's the East Coast. So, like Snoop, I find it predictable that y'all get your underwear twisted in a knot when a good ballplayer(for whatever reason) prefers to live on tbe Pacific Coast. It is unfathomable that a professional would not kill to wear pinstripes. But, the West Coast does have its attractions. Too bad Jim Morrison is no longer around to explain. Thank you for this opportunity to express my opinion, and fuck tbe Red Socks.

KD said...

Thanks Anonymous! I hope you're not getting burned out there. On my many visits to CA, I've marveled at how dry it is and how all it would take is a single firebug with a match under a shedding eucalyptus to unleash a horrible firestorm. So many people living in such a tinder box is asking for trouble. sure hope this doesn't turn into a permanent feature of your beautiful state. If it does, why not head up to Seattle (along with countless other Californians taking over the PNW) and enjoy the Mariners with their new Ace/DH combo?

JM said...

The videos circulating online are scary as shit. LA is starting to look apocalyptic. It's really bad.

I like the West Coast. I would move if I could. New York is just a theme park these days, not the city I loved. Now it's like a marriage where you stay because of the kids.

Sometimes the old city peeks through. Yesterday I was walking in midtown and a young guy came past wearing black tights, a heavy metal-looking, knee-length black leather skirt, a wild black jacket and a hat that had a smoked plexiglass shield over his face with a goth silver cross dangling from the bottom. The look on the Chinese immigrant's face as he passed was just great.

You don't see that in Beijing, I guess.

HoraceClarke66 said...

John M., I have to agree with you about much of New York today, sad to say. It is Tourist City, though I remain addicted to it.

And West Coast Anonymous, I have nothing against, well, the West Coast. I think Seattle's a great place to visit, although it seems to me that it has many of New York's biggest drawbacks—outrageous prices, runaway yuppie-ism, terminal foodie nonsense—without its biggest assets (incredible diversity, interesting weather).

But that's just me, based on a handful of trips. Seattle is, overall, terrific. So is San Francisco. Hell, I even found myself enjoying L.A., last time out.

The trouble with Ohtani's choice is the insane narcissism surrounding it.

If he had just said, "Hey, I prefer a smaller, outdoorsy city like Seattle, it's much closer to my homeland, and I think I could really turn the Mariners around," I would have been disappointed but said, "Go in peace, my Eastern Ruthian brother."

It's all the, "Everybody write me an extended essay about how much they love and adore me, and will do anything for me before I immediately scorn you" part that irked me.

Jogginson can have him.

Anonymous said...

I hope it was a misprint but Coach Boone is quoted as saying " I won't be chasing after wins everyday, I Wanna get lost in the process" WTF If "the process"Doesn't equal wins why the hell do we need you. VIVA LA BINDERS

Anonymous said...




HoraceClarke66 said...

So, the Angels have already scooped up Kevin Maitan, first among the prospects that the Braves were forced to unhand.

Granted, who can possibly know what a 17-year-old who just batted .241 with two home runs, in 42 games of rookie ball, will do? And when it comes to shortstop, Maitan's position so far, the Yanks look more than deep, up and down their system.

But this doesn't bode well for Cashman taking that big, unexpected pile of money left over from failing to sign the Japanese Roy Hobbs and putting it where it should go, to a bunch of intriguing young players.

Like Duque, I have begun to fear the dreaded BCD—Big Cashman Deal. Please, please, please no Kyle Schwarber! No Manny Machado! The kids are all right!

I'm Bill White said...

Ohtani’s agent’s life story is a must read:

ranger_lp said...

Ditto on that Horace...ditto.

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