ME: I saw that the
Blue Jays signed Springer.
ALSO ME: That’s great! Now they will be too preoccupied
arguing with each other over who impregnated the waitress who works the seats
behind home plate to play well.
ME: Not Jerry
Springer. George.
ALSO ME: Oh. Well, that’s not good then. You know, I never liked Jerry. I blame him
for 9/11.
ME: Seriously?
ALSO ME: Yeah. Before Jerry Springer, the media images of
America that we broadcast to the world were tough guys like John Wayne and
Clint Eastwood. It said, “Don’t mess with us”.
Jerry Springer showed the world a bunch of fat stupid people
arguing over who the baby daddy is. It
gave the world the impression that, “We can take these guys. ”
ME: Baseball…
ALSO ME: So, big
deal, the Blue Jays signed George
Springer, in year six they’ll regret it.
Besides, we got DJ back.
ME: You don’t do
irony do you?
ALSO ME: The Yankees
will be fine.
ME: Face it. Toronto
got better we got worse. The more I think about it the worse we got. It will
take a miracle injury free season from Stanton, Judge, Kluber, Sanchez, and
Hicks to be any kind of good.
ALSO ME: It’s
possible.
ME: Please, this team is so fragile they should install a M*A*S*H unit next to Monument Park.
ALSO ME: You worry
too much. Toronto has no starting
pitching. Also, they might be forced to play in Buffalo this year. Their post game spread will be Beef on Kimmelwicks
and Hot Wings. Toss in a few kegs a day of Genny Cream Ale and they’ll self
destruct like the Red Sox did.
ME: Beef on
Wick. Man, I miss those. A little
horseradish sauce…
ALSO ME: Baseball…
ME: So, can we win it
all in 2021?
ALSO ME: What do you
want from me? I know what we’re dealing with. We’ll have another winning season. What is that
like, 47 in a row? We make the Wild Card
again. Once the playoffs start it’s a crap shoot. We just need to get hot at
the right time. Sanchez is in the best shape of his life, we’ll get him some Prozac,
Devi is the second coming of Pedro, Severino
will be back mid-year, German is truly sorry, Frazier got nominated for a Gold Glove, Stanton has
something to prove, Hal hasn’t made his ninja move yet… we’re
due damn it, WE’RE DUE!!!!!
ME: Speaking of due,
have you seen the results of Kathy’s pregnancy test?
ALSO ME: It wasn’t
me.
ME: Well, it wasn’t me…
And we’ll be back, after this…
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1 comment:
My friends tell me
That I've been such a fool
And I have to stand down and take it Hal,
All for lovin' your team
I drown myself in sorrow
As I look at what you've done
Nothin' seems to change
Bad times stay the same
And I can't run
Sometimes I feel
Sometimes I feel
Like I've been tied
To the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Good lord I feel like I'm dyin'
With all due apologies, and a tip of the hat to the Allman Brothers. I hope that I'll look back on these times and laugh for not trusting ownership.
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