'98 Yanks rally to tie All-Time Yankee series with '51 team

Series tied: 2-2
Knobby, Jeet, sparkplugs!
Gil takes El Duque downtown!
In dramatic appearance, Joe D ignites stadium!
Mo flubs lead, then comes through!
Billy fails!
Next up: Vic Raschi v David Cone!

Sunday, January 10, 2021

In a terrible literary application, the Yankees are belatedly visited by the Christmas ghosts of Madden, Kay and Sherman

Not sure how far I should go with this, so bear with me... 

It starts on Dec. 24, Super-Spreader Eve, Hal tells poor Brian Cratchman he has to work tomorrow, because Socrates Brito remains unsigned. Arriving home, Hal sees his dad's face in the door-knocker and thinks, "The chin needs polishing." 

So, we jump to Jan. 7, when Hal gets visited by the Ghost of Yankees Past, Billy Madden, who writes in the Daily News that the Yankees are hamstrung by an owner who only cares about money, which pisses off Hal, because he can't access the full story due to the firewall, because Hal refuses to subscribe, because - bah - it doesn't grow on trees, people! And who stole the nickel bottle deposits? 

Then comes the Ghost of Yankees Present, Michael Kay, who haunts from his studio, yelling at Hal along with Vinnie from Bayside. He shouts:  

“You can’t sit here until February and allow DJ LeMahieu to make a decision! And if you’re DJ LeMahieu, you can’t sit there and let the Yankees play their game! They both have to come together: ‘What’s your best offer for me right now?’ And if DJ’s agent said (to the Yankees), ‘The only way we’re going to get this done is five years’ when he knows he’ll take four … They have to come to a come-to-Jesus meeting and say exactly what the deal is because if all of this posturing cost you your plan B, not good!"

Okay, moving along. Next comes Joel Sherman, yadda yadda, who appears as a tweet - Xmas future, get it? - and says:

And before Hal can bah, Cratchman calls to say he's signed Jhoulys Chacin. And there it is, as sad a literary application as we can get, beyond attempting "Valley of the Dolls." Three Yankee ghosts in one week, shaking their chains. And this is the message:  

The Yankees look like a team without a plan. 

As they wait on LeMahieu - trying to lowball him - their options are vanishing.

And their owner is most concerned with wheedling his way out of luxury taxes. 

Welp... the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls, and tenement halls: The Mets are rising, and air is leaving the Death Barge blimp. Does anybody have a plan? Who's in charge here? Are we getting anywhere? 

God bless us all, everyone. Hey, what's Jacqueline Susann doing these days, anyway?


TheWinWarblist said...

I can't stand this bullshit. The off-season used to be about how the Yankees were going get better and dominate, not how to save the billionaire owner (who gets a bigger cut after the passing of Hank?) money.

Die Hal.

JM said...

The Yankees do have a plan. Hal will not spend more money. Cashman will continue cashing his checks. Boone will still be a nice guy. Sanchez will not hit. Stanton will not play. Judge will miss half of all games. Cole will be our only effective starter.

See? They have it covered.

HoraceClarke66 said...

"Valley of the Dolls" is the most inadvertently hilarious movie I have ever seen.

Joe of AZ said...

So I guess we're back to Food Stamps Hal....fuckin trash

13bit said...

Forget it Jake. It’s Chinatown...