Monday, April 25, 2011

Did Jesus' Cup Runneth Over?

In a stirring re-enactment of the Crucificion, admirers carried Yankee-Scranton superprospect Jesus Montero off the field Sunday in Biblical pain, his balls swollen to the size of Cornish game hens.

A foul tip off some Philestine bat caught the future Yankee savior - or trade deadline chum - directly on his outside garden faucet, at the Y in his road, in his seed catalogue, his personal computer, his Private Ryan, his super-shooter, his Hadron particle reactor, his capital of Vermont, his deep dish cheese pizza, his Charlie Sheen truth torpedo.

He might not only miss several games, but fatherhood.

At the time, Jeez was second in the entire International League in hitting, with an average over .400. Although part of the reason may be Jorge "The Other Jorge" Vazquez, who is on the verge of leading winning the Triple Crown. If Jorge "The Real Jorge" Posada gets hurt or goes into a deep slump, we might switch Jorges before we resurrect Jesus.

Today, as Jeez he sits in his ice bath, we at IT IS HIGH wish him a speedy recovery. The women of Scranton need him.

But he must avoid those hussies of Wilkes Barre. They are the wenches of Barabas.


Russell Martinischewitz said...

who needs jesus anyway?

Joe De Pastry said...

We need him to trade for a pitcher when Garcia and Colon get hurt.
Better we should make the trade before they get hurt, so we won't desperately add too many of our pitching prospects.