Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Open letter to the NFL: Replace the Replacements... and let's review that horrible Yankee injustice

Dear Madams or Sirs,

By now, it's clear that your replacement refs have fumbled away the trust of all red meat Americans. Sunday night, the lovable, public-owned Green Bay Packers - the icon of small markets everywhere - suffered a disgraceful injustice - and for what? So you could save $3 million in ref pension money? Good grief: That's chips and dip! The Giants waste that kind of cash on back up punters. What you've lost in good will cannot be priced.

Nevertheless, you must keep fighting the rising red tide of socialism.

Yes, dammit, you must not lose to a union. We cannot cave in to Big Norma Jean. The Trotskys will declare it a victory. The players will demand protection from concussions. Soon, you'll face striking hotdog vendors, and what then? Replace them? What happens with the salmonella epidemic breaks out?

No. Do not cave in these red pinko refs. In the name of the current Halases, Irsays, Rooneys and Maras, who came naked into this league and had to pay ridiculous inheritance taxes just to take their teams... and all the newcomers who parlayed their fortunes into NFL logos...  You must not show weakness. 

Replace the replacements. Ship them back to Watertown. Find replacement replacements, and when they blow it,  replace them. With three generations of replacements, you can run out the clock on 2012 and break the backs of the big labor thugs who want to run American football!

OK, I know what you're thinking: What the hey? Why does a Yankee blog care what the NFL is doing to help Seattle forget Ichiro? Well, my fellow billionaires, the answer is simple.

The Yankees are the Packers. And not long ago, we suffered at the hands of our real umpires. And nobody complained.

Where was the outrage when Mark Teixeira hurt himself diving into first base on the last play of that game in Baltimore, when the whole world watched Tex beat the throw and let the tying run score? Where was the outrage? Where was Obama? Where was Romney (Redsock fan, by the way!) Look at the picture. LOOK AT IT, AMERICA, DAMMIT, DON'T LOOK AWAY! THIS IS THE PICTURE OF INJUSTICE, THIS IS THE PICTURE OF FAILURE, THIS IS THE PICTURE OF REVOLUTION. WHERE THE HELL ARE OUR LEADERS? WHERE THE HELL IS OUR COURT SYSTEM, OUR SERIES OF CHECKS AND BALANCES?

I say: Tell the union bosses to shove it. Let's do a switcheroo. Replace the MLB umpires with the striking NFL referees, and put the MLB umps in charge of the NFL. Replace the replacements, and let's see what happens. But most of all, don't give in to those money-grubbing workers. Three million dollars? My god! Do those lazy workers think that kind of money grows on trees?

1 comment:

Alphonso said...

About time someone stood up for the truth. If we can't have integrity in our games, we might as well be Yemen.