Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Yankeetorial: We did the impossible last night. We gave Boston cause to celebrate

Last night, to the children of Boston, we were Santa Claus. They went to bed thinking their team couldn't beat a throw rug, and they wake up today with video of Redsocks exploding from the dugout, partying at pitchers' mound - with the Christmasy prospect of facing David Phelps tonight. We brought Boston the rarest of gifts: a 2012 moment to treasure.

This Yankee team is descending into the realm of 2004 - of Javier Lopezes, Horace Clarkes and Ed Whitsons.

Losing a must-game to a last-place team is nothing to us. We're the mighty Yankees who fell at home by Toronto two weeks ago, when the Blue Jays hadn't won in seven games. To losing franchises, we bring more creative gifts than Martha Stewart made in her lifetime. We lose in a shootout, then we lose in a shutout. We leave enough runners on base to win five pennants, and we've done it all season. When a leadoff man gets on, is there any reason to think he will score. Nope. We might hit a home run. That's about it.

And then there is Jeter. God bless him. Lately, writers have begun suggesting that he deserves to be MVP. Because he does. But the theory always runs along these lines: He deserves to be MVP because the Yankees won the division. Put them in third, and the award should go to someone else. Thus, while we face this epic disgrace, we are screwing the Captain at the same time.

But this crash won't end Oct. 4. Take a good look at the 2012 Redsocks. Because that's us next year in the post-apocalypse. We gave them a reason to celebrate last night. And tonight, they get David Phelps. Merry Christmas, Boston.


bennyboy said...

In all seriousness, you and Alphonso follow the minor leagues. Don't we have any starting pitching down there? Someone who can take Phelps' spot?

el duque said...

That's the genius of this Yankee franchise. Adam Warren. That's it. We somehow ended up at the end of the rainbow, and all we have our leprechauns.

Joe De Pastry said...

Derek has been wonderful with a bat in his hands, but his total lack of range in the field makes him undeserving of MVP.

bennyboy said...

Jesus. Who are we drafting?