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Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Boston outbids Yankees for pitching machine sensation

A-ROD NEWS NETWORK _ (Tampa) A brief bidding war ended Monday when Boston Redsock management signed "Iron Mike," a 19-year-old flame thrower from Brownfield, NJ, outbidding their traditional rivals, the Yankees, by $52.88, plus tax.

The Yankees dropped out of the bidding at $299.99. Owner Hal Steinbrenner said he remains committed to the team, but he could not justify spending more than $300 on a pitcher.

Steinbrenner stressed that he is not cheap but said that "three hundred dollars just doesn't grow on trees."

What promped the bidding war was - of course - what prompts everything, including the war in the Ukraine and the rise of ISIS: Alex Rodriguez. A-Rod went hitless Monday against his mechanical arch-nemesis, causing Boston and New York to immediately start sending out bids.

Shortly after striking out Yankee rightfielder Chris Young, the pitching machine was signed by super agent Scott Boras, who shut down the game and announced that bids would begin at $250.00 - flat. It was believed that the Los Angeles Dodgers were the early front-runner, but the bidding soon boiled down to the AL East rivals.

Steinbrenner added that he won't sell the team. It's not clear what he will do with the $350.00 that the Yankees saved. One possibility: A new soap dispensor in the clubhouse.

1 comment:

JM said...

The Times column featured Girardi's enthusiasm for Iron Mike and how terrific he thought it...he...was.

This confirms my theory that Joe G. is actually a robot. Or at least he manages like one most of the time.