Thursday, July 13, 2017

Headley is even more "meh" than we thought

Last night, in a delirium of angry self-abuse, I did solid, empirical research. I googled, I Yahooed, I asked Jeeves - hell, I would have AltaVistaed, if I could. I looked it up:

Out of all MLB third-basemen in 2017, Chase Headley currently ranks:

14th in batting average, among qualifiers (.251)

33rd in home runs (4)

20th in RBIs (36)

17th in runs (36)

24th in total bases (102)

6th in strikeouts (82)

2nd in errors (11)

18th in fielding percentage (.947)

Folks, these numbers are - how do I put this? - a shitshow. The glue factory is calling. Due to output like this, the Redsocks punted on Pablo Sandoval, even though they're paying him $17 million per season - four million more than Headley makes. 

The fact is, Headley has quietly become so mediocre that we don't notice it anymore. He's like a commercial for Cellino & Barnes: You just tune out and think of Melania Trump. He doesn't hit for average and strikes out way too much, but, oh well, he doesn't have power, either. He's not fast but, then again, he doesn't field well, too. He's the quintessential No-Tool player. He can lose you a game with his bat or his arm. And thanks to an ownership that awards playing time based on the contract, we're on course to watch Headley through next season, when he will be - gulp - 34, generally the exit ramp year for hitters.

Well, actually, that won't happen. Headley's sand is running out, and he surely knows it. The Yankiverse fully expected Glyber Torres to be our 3B by now, leading us from the gloom of a bad Cashman signing. (The only way Cashman cuts bait on a bad signing is through a good Cashman deal, and Glyber - acquired for El Chapo last July - looks like one of the GM's headstone-worthy achievements.) But - insert sigh here - Glyber is hurt, and over the last 30 days, Headley has picked it up - sort of - hitting .300 with a homer and 13 walks. So - insert another sigh - he'll get at least another month to straighten everything out and propel our languish into a mediocre 2018. 

To punctuate that last sentence, I just farted.

Trouble is, all this could be digestible, if Headley existed in a powerhouse lineup, batting ninth and fielding well. He could be the 2nd Coming of Scott Brosius. But Sunday, against Milwaukee, he batted sixth. (He went 2-4 with an RBI, two strikeouts, and two LOB.) There are games when he bats second, killing all hope before the first pitch is thrown. We have an actual prospect - Tyler Wade - riding the bench, while another one - Miguel Andujar - toils in Scranton. I'm starting to fear they'll be traded in some horrible, decade-fucking deal. Over the last few years, we have traded or pissed away five better - or at least comparable and cheaper - 3B than Headley: Eduardo Nunez (now hitting .299), Yangervis Solarte (.268), Martin Prado (.262), Adonis Garcia (.247) even fucking Stephen Drew with the Nats (.282.) Why can't the Yankees find somebody to play this position? Jeez, if we signed Brooks Robinson, he'd turn out to be Charlie Sands in a rubber mask.

Entering the last half of 2017, we have several issues as large as that red spot on Jupiter, and each could be fatal. Our bullpen is in shambles. No lead is safe. Our rotation is suspect, first base is a sinkhole... and then there is the giant, festering "meh" at third. If you're in an accident, call Cellino & Barnes...

In this self-abusive fan blog, I try not to tell the Yankees what to do. I mean, seriously, sitting here in frozen Syracuse, what do I know? That said, it's time for this franchise to push the 2018 button. For better or worse. It's no longer a question of what can we get for Headley or - say - Jacoby Ellsbury in trades. We'll get nothing. I'm fine with that. Let's just move on. As John Sterling used to say, "Let's build something togethahhhhh." Next July, we could be leading this division. But not with Chase Headley at third. It's time to make a change.


John M said...

It's time to pull up the dumpster and take out the garbage. Of course, the front office likes garbage if it was expensive enough.

13bit said...

Headley is Emperor Nothingburger wearing no clothes with rancid ketchup. Push that 2018 button ASAP, baby!

JJ in MA said...

He's the third base equivalent of Anne from 'Arrested Development.' If he didn't cost so many outs, you wouldn't even know he was there.

Urban Farmer formerly known as DutchFan said...

He probably is a great presence in the shower stalls?

Anonymous said...




joe de pastry said...

Urban Farmer,
Was former Yankee pitcher Urban Shocker also Dutch?

Anonymous said...

I’ve always respected Headley. Even the angriest fans have to admit that where others are just plain stoopid (Pinhead, Delicate Betances, et al), Headley always realized when his playing was subpar and made informed, intelligent attempts to make things right. Look at his performance in the second half of last season and the hopeful beginning of the current farrago. He is trying, for chrissakes! You can’t say that about a lot of others (uh, when did you last see Jacoby Ellsbury experiment with his stance to improve his batting?). I honestly believe that Headley is enough of a man to know when to say goodbye if there is no chance of ever becoming an asset to the team again. Well, say what you want: at least he’s got a lovely head of hair.

Anonymous said...

Uh, yes, fellow anon, Jake seems satisfied to get on base with walks and catcher interference - - almost seems too hard for him to have to swing to get a potential hit...and don't get me started on his throws in from CF...

Duque - - I LOVE IT!! Your auditory punctuation, I mean - - and I second it. It's only second to damaging info on Hilly from the Crown Prosecutor of Putin-land.

Urban - - answer this, please: Wie es dat meisje?? LB (No J)

Vampifella said...

Please oh please don't let us sign Jhonny Peralta. He fits all the check boxes of everything the Yankees love.

Old, check.

A nice war from ages ago (they have faith that he can do it again!), check.

Willing to sign a 2 year 13 million dollar contract extension for having an amazing 0.2 WAR in a mere two months of work (Ichiro), check.

HoraceClarke66 said...

A Charlie Sands reference! I love it!

Who next? Frank Tepedino?

Urban Farmer formerly known as Dutchfan said...

@LB no J: Het meisje will always be somewhere in the woods. She is easily found and always neglected. She is with you every day but you don't see her. She is walking kale. She will be gone now.

@ Joe de Pastry: There is almost no player (or other individual) that goes by the name "Dutch" who is actually Dutch. Sometimes there is Dutch ancestry, but even that is rather seldom.
No, the great Dutch Yankees Mt Rushmore still is Markieson Gregorius, Hensley Meulens, Robert Eenhoorn and Adruw Jones.

Shock and awe indeed.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

Please oh please don't let us sign Jhonny Peralta.

On Boston Sports Talk radio, Jhonny Peralta is referred to as "The Human Typographical Error".

I hope we don't need to use that line any time soon...