Terror Alert Rising: Stanton would accept a trade to the Yankees

According to the new Information Super-Highway, reigning National League MVP Giancarlo Stanton - the Japanese American Babe Ruth - hath rendered unto humankind a stone tablet carved with the four uniforms he'd considereth wearing: The Dodgers, Astros, Cubs and - gulp - Yankees.

Aww, dammit... why, why, WHY did it have to include the Yankees?

Rejected are the Giants and Cardinals, the most breathless Stanton suitors since rookie Marlins co-owner Derek Jeter donned his Steinbrenner cap and began publicly poor-mouthing about the guy. (Seriously, Jeet, WTF? Can't that supermodel wife of yours lace up her cleats, lose 20, and get back on the runway to earn some dough?) Stanton has been on the block since early November, and it could reach nuclear fission next week during the Winter Meetings.

Last millennium, all this would already have been decided: Old George would have ordered the bundling of Luis Severino, Clint Frazier, Glyber Torres, Justus Sheffield and the cast of Glee to bring Stanton to Gotham, like King Kong on the flatbed. Old George wouldn't care about the price and the prospects. He would see only this lineup card: 

Gardner
Judge
Stanton
Sanchez
Bird
Gregorius
Castro
Hicks
Headley

. . .

Excuse me. Those dots represent the 20-minute delay in which I went out to the woodshed to, um, ponder the lineup, so-to-speak. I was, um... inspired, you might say. I feel better now. It was just that I looked at the lineup and... um...

. . .  

Okay, where was I? The lineup! Yes, we'd be eyeing a lineup capable of hitting 300 homers, the most dangerous batting order since Richardson-Kubek-Maris-Mantle-Howard-Skowron-Berra-Boyer. We'd forget Bryce Harper or Manny Machado, forget the "Baby Bombers" marketing scheme, and forget a farm system that has soared in credibility like Bitcoin. And those MLB luxury taxes would become as permanent a fixture as the plaques in Monument Park.

Would we win in 2018? Who the hell knows? We'd probably smash our way into the playoffs, but that's where homer-happy teams often go limp against good pitching. A trade for Stanton would vault us into "Now-or-Never Land," where - like Lady MacBeth with her silverware - we'd just have to keep the prospect blood flowing. Once you trade for Goliath, you better buy him a helmet. You can't afford to lose everything for lack of a LOOGY.   

But back to Stanton's wish list. Supposedly, the Dodgers have little interest. They'd have to break up a solid team, they're starting to feel a pinch of luxury tax, and if they were kicking Stanton's tires, it was probably to run up the price for San Francisco, their mortal enemy. Likewise, Houston doesn't need to reinvent a championship team, and the Cubs have their own budget issues. Of the four teams on that list, the Yankees might just have the most extra chips in their farm system to actually make it happen.

Which terrifies me, as it should all of us.

Yeah, Stanton would make us odds-on-favorite to reach the 2018 World Series. (Last year, it was the Cubs v. Redsocks.) From there, it's a bumpy path. Stanton is prone to injury. (And Judge will be coming off shoulder surgery.) He'd loom as a generational millstone on the budget. For the rest of our lives, we'd hear Hal Steinbrenner whining and rattling his cup. By 2023, when he'd be 33, Stanton's salary would reach $32 million per season, with five years to go. By 2028, he'd make Jogginson Cano's pact in Seattle look like a grocery store coupon. That's why Jeter is treating him like a hot potato. 

If we were to get Stanton, we'd assemble a modern day "Twin Towers" - (though something tells me, we wouldn't use that nickname.) The tabloids would love it. But if there's one thing we've learned this year, it's that bad teams score a lot of back pages. 

Stanton has selected his Final Four. Why, why, WHY did it have to include us?