"What we did in 2017 was terrible. We all know it and we feel really bad about it.”
Okay. Not bad. A start. But then Josh Reddick unveiled the grand old chestnut, "It is what it is," en route to claiming Houston's 2017 championship will not carry a permanent stench. Lance McCullers Jr. argued that the championship "was earned, 100 percent." Former future Hall of Famer Jose Altuve blathered about taking responsibility as a team. Co-future Cooperstown black-lister Alex Bregman said they made "bad choices." Justin Verlander raised the human shields. "We have families. I have a little girl. Jose has kids." (Kate, if you're reading this behind the couch, give me a call...)
On and on they went... a well orchestrated news conference that was described by one Gammonite as "Contrition Performance Art." (Wish I'd said that.)
Look, maybe we as Yankee fans should not saddle up on too high a horse here. In yesterday's avalanche of Astros news - (not in Boston, though, where the big story was the signing of... drum roll... outfielder Kevin Pillar!) - more than a few hot heads noted that Yankee fans are newly minted defenders of rules. They have a point. We haven't exactly tossed our 2009 World Series memorabilia into the Hudson, because A-Rod's blood tests showed up Hulkian green. But ten years later, we still cringe over what became a dark and ugly period in Yankee history - a lost decade that remains a prime reason why Yank fans feel so desperate. Nobody wants 2009 to become their final parade in the Canyon. (And the decade also produced Alex's incredible, Ulysses-like journey, going from Yankee pariah to America's sweetheart suitor. And of course, he'll eventually be dumped. The guy is a newsprint machine.)
Well, here's a bit of grimy truth about Astros Apology Day: It is also Groundhog Day. In 2020, it shall be relived every single time they visit a new city. It will pop up every single time the Astros win a game in the ninth, or knock out a pitcher in the second. It will be raised every single time an aging former Astro sits at a card table and signs glossies in an airport Ramada. It will be a permanent stain on every single one of their records. They are the cheating Houston Asterisks, and yesterday, as they tap-danced through their little cub scout skits, I wonder if they realized how long and soul-crushing their journeys will turn out to be.
Well, maybe today, they get a glimpse. Today, across baseball, the stories include:
1. A body language expert who claims Altuve is lying.
2. Aroldis Chapman calling Altuve's season-ending HR "suspicious."
3. Aaron Boone calling claims that no games were affected, "quite a stretch."
4. This wonderful image.
5. And a sense that the Astros' show was a complete bomb. (Our old friend Pete Abe even suggested that that Astros had done the impossible: Made it worse.)
It's going to be a long year in Houston. The Astros story is just beginning.
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26 comments:
While I always enjoy reading Duque's screeds, the last two days have been truly special. Not only do we get the eloquent turns of phrase, "like a Utica dinner theater rendition of Rent" but we also get the most heartfelt and dare I say, accurate, take on what this scandal really is.
Add the rest of you, and it is THE reason I read this blog first thing in the AM and last thing at night.
Seriously.
Doug K.
9......21.......2020...I"m looking to buy tickets for the first game of the series...it will be ugly and angry from our fans...
Hey you know who else got cheated? Everyone who bet the Yankees. From the guy that followed his Yanks will win pennant bet for six months to the people who lost Game Seven. (and all the other games)
So far the victims are...
the players,
the fans,
the cities, (no WS tax money)
the gamblers,
the guys whose careers were shortened (love the lawsuit)
the Cast of Rent (Now forever linked to the scandal)
the Astros children (Whose fathers are forever stained "Say it ain't so Jose"
The game of baseball itself.
The bottom lines of the losing teams (This I care least about)
and US goddamnit! 2017 was magical!
Doug K.
Hear! Hear! Doug
Ban them all from baseball.
Hank Aaron is right.
I can't wait until September. I will do something unexpected instead and - shudder - go to a Mets game. They play the Asstros in June. Will be bringing this beautiful inflatable trashcan I found on a wrestling site and will bang it as long as my arm is still attached (or they order me to stop).
Who the fuck is in charge of discipline of for MLB these days? The decision to try to sweep this under the rug was imbecility at it's finest. How could MLB think this would go away so simply. Have they no idea what fans, and NY fans in particular, are like?
Fuck them all.
And a Triple Heart Hear Hear!!!! Doug K
I'm absolutely not a stat person, but didn't the Astos contact average skyrocket during that stretch, from next to last to first in the division, and that wasn't that the point, to win more games than they should have won, to give ALL of their players an unfair advantage of knowing which pitch was going to be thrown! The cheaters were caught CHEATING and should forfeit any and all titles won, period! The burden should be on them to prove that all those extra hits did not unfairly win them any games if they want those titles back!
And to quote the mighty Winwarblist>>> FUCK THEM!
And YES Platoni, I'm going all out to search for any trash can prop that would be acceptable to bring into the stadium,,,,,, I made this proposal a few days ago, I implore the Yankees to make that first Asstros game a special Trash Can Bobble Head Night!!!!!!!
Would they allow this? It can be brought in flat then inflated in the stadium
http://g-minds.net/Wrestling%20thrash_can_and_lid.htm
I think you might only need the lid....
The Asstros were, and still are, a terrific group of hitters. I don’t think you can deny that.
BUT...
The worst part of this little drama (for them anyway) is that they will never know if their championship was legit. If they were criminals, maybe they don’t give a fuck. But somewhere in the back of their minds, maybe not today, but at some point, with all the adverse reaction to their behavior, they just might start to wonder if their natural talent could have won the day. And that worm will be with them for the rest of their lives.
Which, if I’m right, makes me pretty happy.
And in the end, no one from that team, no matter how successful a career, should ever be allowed into the HOF.
If Pete Rose can be banned forever, I’d Shoeless Joe can be banned, these guys collectively, should also be banned.
And the reception around the country this summer will be a good start to the retribution parade.
DOUG K...
MASTERFUL.
GUESS WHO BET ON THE YANKEES IN 2017 (AND LAST YEAR TOO)?
Richie Allen...how good are they really? Probably not as good as you think they are. You assume they are because of their numbers. Numbers other players would have put up if they knew what pitch was coming. My recollection was they started achieving in 2017. When most of the cheating started. And I would bet that the Astros are (or were) doing the same with their pitchers. Everyone that came to Houston automatically added at least 25% more RPM on their fast balls. Coincidence? I think not. I don't care how good their pitching coaches are. For a pitcher like Verlander, after being traded at age 36 suddenly finding a dramatic uptick in rotation speed at an age most pitchers see a significant drop off should be a clue. There have been rumors since 2017 that they are cleverly adding a substance to make the ball spin more. I remember Trevor Bauer being pilloried for suggesting just that in a widely publicized article. If justice prevailed, that would be MLB's Part Two investigation.
As for A Rod mentioned in El Duque's fine article: There is no doubt in my mind that he took PED regularly. According to one player's anecdote, A Rod mentioned how he chewed a piece of gum every game to mask the particular drug he used. But A Rod was never tested positively for any steroids and claimed to have used them only between 2001 and 2003 while with the Texas Rangers. Yes, he did appear in a NY Times article as being one of a hundred or so juicers but that was never confirmed (although I do believe he did so---along with Big Papi). I guess my point is that the Yankee fans don't have anything to feel bad or hypocritical about in regards to their 2009 WS victory.
Finally....WinWarb is correct. Fuck them ALL!... Sideways.
They're a good group of hitters? Really? I agree with Carl. Let's see how good they are in 2020. Do you think that little prick Altuve is going to give the 2017 MVP to Aaron Judge? Because that little fucker sure as hell cheated Judge out of that award. Richie Allen, you hit like a real man, no cheating, just a handful of greenies washed down with black coffee and chewing tobacco.
Fuck the Asstros. Fuck the little prick Altuve. Give the 2017 MVP to Judge. That's the least those fuckers at MLB should do.
Fuck them.
When are we all going to the Stadium next year?? Can we get seats a little higher in the stratosphere? If we have an orgy, we could all be members of the Mile High Club? No?
And Richie, I absolutely agree w you concerning the 'could we have done it w out cheating?' ear worm, and especially now that the entire world knows about it,,,,, this will put an enormous amount of pressure on them to prove it, which they might do, but my guess is they won't since they will be pressing the entire season. They will still be very dangerous since they'll have everything to prove!
Don't you think that using technology to cheat, in some ways, was even worse than using steroids? When cheating with technology, the cheating hitter is undercutting the pitcher's abilities. He is not really increasing his own abilities. On the other hand, steroids are like corking the bats. They don't undercut the pitcher. They merely make the hitter stronger. I think there is a difference. I think what the Astros did was worse than corking bats or using steroids. Which is why it is mind boggling freaking amazing that NONE of the cheaters will be disciplined in ANY manner whatsoever.
The Hammer of God
Since it didn't affect the outcomes, I think the punishment for the Astros should be that for the entire year, when they are pitching, they should have a zoomed in view of the catcher's signs put up on the Jumbotron so everyone knows what pitch is coming. Let's find out if it made a difference or not.
They are all cheating, lying, thieving cunts, but they are also good hitters - their career stats near that out.
Other than that, I completely agree with you
This whole drama reminds me of an old WC Fields movie.
When Fields invites a cousin to play poker, the cousin wants to know:
“ Is this a game of chance?“
Fields replies:
“Not the way I play it.”
Yes, Richie, we know, good players and all that yada yada yada ... but we're saying they should all be ground up and mulched and used for fertilizer on the Great Lawn in Central Park. How much did a year of cheating add to Altuve's OPS and WAR? Enough to edge out Aaron Judge for the MVP? We're not saying they're bad; we're saying they wouldn't have been good enough to have won the World Series or the MVP without cheating. AND they should all be ground up and mulched and used for fertilizer on the Great Lawn in Central Park.
All I know is that if I was a pitcher who got clobbered in Houston even once in the last three years, even got roughed up a little, had even one good breaking ball go by without being swung at ... if I was that pitcher? I'd try to kill one or more of them. Actual murder. I'd throw at their faces, behind their heads, at their wrists and hands, I'd spin sliders at their balls, cutters at their throats, four seamers to the pancreas. I'd try to injure and maim and end seasons and careers. I wouldn't stop until someone stuffed me in a straight jacket or the Asstros ran out of players to maim/kill or until the fuckers relinquished their 2017 title and gave the trophy to the Dodgers.
But what do I know.
FUCK THEM.
This just in: someone named Pedroia thinks he still plays for the Red Sux.
https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/28693973/dustin-pedroia-knee-sore-not-report-red-sox-monday
Fuck that miserable shrimp to death with the other miserable cheating shrimp, also to death.
A long year in Houston, but not long enough. The punishments were ridiculously light IMHO. Every player on the team should have been punished in some way. Team leadership banned from baseball, or, at least. suspended for a long time. Even taking away the World Series victory would not have out of the question.
Anon@4:44,
Since the assholes cheated for at least two years, your punishment should be for two seasons. Plus, their batter's should be forced to wear an eye patch for every at bat. With no protective equipment.
Winnie,
I think you're suggesting a good first step. Then get really mean.
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