Yasiel Puig? Are you kidding me? Puieeze, puieeze, no.

The MLB rumor mill is a dog with seven heads, howling nonstop at the moon, and to stare into their gaping maws is to glare wide-eyed into the jaws of Hell.

This time of year, it will drive you to eating paint chips or shooting up an ex-wife's garage door. You try to ignore it, to block it out. You tell yourself: Don't click, old bean, don't go there, DON'T... you'll boost their algorithm, and they'll just print more crazy.  But they hook you.

Today's grist - damn you, o, internet!- claims the Yankees have expressed interest in the eternally wandering, free agent slugger Yasiel Puig, who is:

a) A corner outfielder, precisely what we don't need.

b) An expensive signing, when we're supposedly looking to cut.

c) A reckless soul who always seems to outstay his welcome.

So, naturally, our fully functioning Death Barge - currently with the one-man rotation - is expressing interest in Puig? Shoot me...

For the record, the last we saw of Puig was 2019, when he split the season between Cleveland and Cincinnati - hard to do, considering the intra-Ohio rivalry. (Just saying: The two franchises don't like each other.)  He hit 24 HRs, batted .267 and drove in 84 runs - (not that many, considering he played 149 games.) Last year, he came down with Covid-19 and missed the mini-season, which he would have played in Atlanta. This year - age 30 - he'll presumably seek a deal near the $9 million he'd been paid. And did I mention that he bats RH, like the entire Yankee lineup?

Listen: I get it that Team Cashman must do diligence on every free agent, regardless of how insane it looks from the street. And I suppose there could be a situation where Puig's value slides to an impossible-to-ignore bargain level: Maybe he'd take a one-year, "I-want-NY" contract, or maybe he gets caught driving 110 mph - again.  

They call Puig "the Wild Horse." There's a reason. Over the years, right or wrong, he's been the fulcrum point in a bunch of bench-clearing brawls. Once, he flipped Indian fans the bird. (Good for him!) He's twice has been charged with driving waaaaaay over the speed limit - upwards of 110 mph. Whoever signs him will be his fifth organization in eight years. Hmm.

If the Yankees sign Puig, it would signify Cashman's plans to nuke the current roster. It would ensure the trades of Clint Frazier and/or Miguel Andujar- maybe even Aaron Judge. We'd still have almost an entire righty lineup - full of sluggers who either hit home runs or fan. 

If we're bidding up Puig's price, I say, go for it. Signing him? Dear god... and please stop the howling.