Tuesday, July 20, 2021

To escape a trap of their own making, the Yankees look to the man who got us here. (And what would the Boss do?)

Twelve days until the trade deadline, the Cultural Thought Police are at it again, trying to rewrite our sacred history. 

Their latest purge: They now claim that in Thunder Road, after the screen door slams, Mary's dress "sways," when we all know it "waves." An inanimate object cannot sway. It requires purposeful movement. Hips sway. Bodies sway. A dress waves. I'm telling you, this is an outrage! Call YES. We must mobilize to stop the playing of Critical Bruce Theory on our AM radio stations. What's next? 

"Raul Dahl the window and let the wins blow black your ear...?"

"There were goats in the eyes of all the boys you sent away...?"

"I wanna die with you Wendy on the streets tonight with an everlasting piss...?" 

Make no mistake: The Yankiverse is jammed with broken heroes on a last-chance power drive. Worst of all, the latest consensus seems to suggest that Brian "Cooperstown" Cashman - the very man who drove us into this ditch - will save us with some ludicrous, lop-sided trade. Oh, Mr. Krueger, could you please enter my dreams and cure my insomnia?

The latest rumors: To solve its acute outfield crisis, the Death Star will chase 32-year-old Sterling Marte (a RH batter, no less) or the tomato can Rangers' K/HR/BB machine, Joey Gallo. Neither will come cheaply, and neither will solve our massive problems. The question is whether the Yankees will drain their farms for that rare player - the one who actually could make things worse. 

Long, long ago - before Al Gore's informational superhighway - to follow Yankee prospects, you had to subscribe to Baseball America and wait each week for the stat leaders in each league. Last night, with nothing better to do - thanks, TV networks - I combed the Top 25 stats in each league to see who we have. Here's what I found:

Triple A Scranton, one batter: Hoy June Park, ranks 5th, at .325. Park, a legitimate breakout player, is now buried on the Yankee bench. (Boone did Park no favor by pinch-hitting him - first ever MLB at bat - in the most critical moment of Friday's loss to Boston. Two men on  and two outs. He swung at the first pitch, a broken bat grounder. I wonder if he should change his name to "Moonlight Graham?" He's 25 and, I suspect, will be traded.

Double A Somerset, one batter: Diego Castillo ranks 8th, at .297. He's a 23-year-old 2B with power (11 HRs.) Somebody would happily take him. 

High Single A Hudson Valley, one player: 2B Ezequiel Duran ranks 16th, at .279. He is 22, also showing speed and power. Part of a package?

Low Single A Tampa, four players: Ranked 8th is Josh Smith, a SS-2B, at .333. He's 23 and has been since promoted to Hudson Valley.

Ranked 13th is SS Anthony Volpe, a former first-round pick who is generating a lot of buzz. He is hitting .302 with 12 HRs, still among league leaders, though he's also been bumped up to High Single A. (Because of the buzz, the Yankees probably won't trade him, unless it's for a Max Scherzer type.)

Ranked 16th is 22-year-old 2B Trevor Hauer at .296. He started hot, cooled, and has heated up lately. He faces a logjam of infielders ahead of him, and that could make him tradeable. 

Ranked 21st is OF Jake Sanford at .291. He's 23 and has also been promoted.

Any package Cashman throws together will probably include at least one of the above. Frankly, I'm terrified that he will trade a future star for someone who was good four years ago, and who now will merely amplify the current malaise. 

This weekend, Yankee fans glimpsed a hungry and hustling lineup of nobodies, who somehow beat Boston and salvaged our dignity. It was a small sample size, and we shouldn't expect it to last. But I, for one, will hate to see us trade for another performer long past his sell-by date. Don't we have enough, already? And we're in fourth. 

Well, at least they'll never steal our Bruce Truth: 

Oh, Sandy, the aurora is rising behind us/ Them beer lights, our carnivore lives forever ... 

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

I was shocked to hear what happened to Varitek's wife and daughter at Yankee Stadium. Getting spit on? I was shocked because;

A) Why would you go to a game at the Stadium when they would be able to go a see games this weekend in Fenhole?

B)I thought that Varitek was gay. [not that there is anything wrong with that.]

C) I didn't realize what a cheap bastard he was. One would think that a guy that made over 67 million in his career could get his family seats in a special box or something.

Well as my father used to say, some d-bags are irredeemable, like Nazi Party members and lifetime Red Sox.

The Observant Archangel

JM said...

At least we weren't polluted by the presence of Dustin "The Weasel" "Bucktooth" Pedroia.

With Chapman still in disarray, I pray to God we don't try to pry Kimbrel from the Cubs. I can't stand that guy and his goofy condor pose before every pitch.

One of the ESPN guys made the case that Gallo does not fit on this Yankees team. Hope Cashman was listening. And Marte, forget it. Surely, even Cash is smarter than that. (And don't call me Shirley.)

We cringe. We wait. And all these guys who are up now will disappear once Judge, Lasagna and Nestor return. If Voit ever comes back, say goodbye to Gittens and his high minor-league BA, too. And Park. Naturally.

Anonymous said...

Not to heap more abuse on retired Red Sox, but I just saw a picture of Varitek and his wife;

He is now fat and remains ugly [not that there is anything wrong with that] and she looks like she could be his daughter.

Seeing her bustline, I know where some of his 67mill went.

It not the kid's fault that she is her father's child, but I hope to dear God, that she looks like her father and not her mother
[Not there is anything wrong with being ugly. I know that beauty doesn't matter with women any more cuz I am woke and just saw the new SI Swimsuit edition.]
I remain without sin.
PS., let stop insulting each other and start insulting Red Sox, Hal , Cashman and Boone. That's more fun and a uniter not a divider.

The Archangel

DickAllen said...


help me out here JM when you say that "...even cashman is smarter than that."

can you provide any supporting evidence?

Anonymous said...

@JM I thought Kimbrel was auditioning for the part of the bad guy on a new tv western called Gunslinger.

My gut tells me that the Brain will make an incredibly stupid move just before the trade deadline. He'll round up about five of our best prospects and get some old, over the hill, right handed hitting outfielder who is possibly a Hall of Famer but whose best days passed three years ago. And he'll say something like "you have to give quality to get quality" and "if you make the playoffs, anything can happen" because "the playoffs are a crap shoot". And the idiots in the media will praise the move and say "Brian Cashman is a genius", "what a brilliant move", "Cashman has done all he can to improve the team", "the rest is up to the players.

The Hammer of God

HoraceClarke66 said...

Much as I loath and have always loathed the Boston Red Sox, I have never, ever wished an injury on an opposing player (or even Giancarlo Stanton)...

...except for Jason Varitek.

Sorry, but you don't get to punch somebody else in the face while wearing full protective gear yourself, and become a folk hero.

Yes, A-Rod was an annoying, lying juicer. So was about 80 percent of the Boston team at that time.

Also, I am never, ever in favor of spitting on people in the stands...

...except for Jason Varitek. His child bride they should leave alone.

Anonymous said...

Cashman has indicated that he will offer Severino another extension since he is now pitching to live batters and he is expected back the last week of Sept.
"By adding 3 years at a below market salary of 14 million a year, we are assured of having him for the length of his career. We want him to be a Yankee for life. ", he said.

He also has expressed an interest in signing Kluber to a "team friendly" two-year contract so that he can end his career as a Yankee and can take his time rehabbing because he will be set in the near future.

Cashman stated that this is like make a big splash at the deadline.

He has also not ruled out trading for Kris Bryant because you can never have enough right-handed hitters and we can save wear and tear on Gio's legs. "He is a perfect fit for the Yanks and will play hard to set up his next contract." Cashman was further noted as saying that it would be important to keep him away from the Mets.

Lastly , BR has a source that contends that the Yankees have obtained exclusive rights to sign Javier Vasquez when his legal troubles are over.

The Archangel

Unknown said...

Every day I come here in fear that Cash has traded decent prospects for some has been; or, in too many cases, a Never Was

ranger_lp said...

From the Yanks twitter account,,,

Prior to tonight’s game, the Yankees made the following roster moves:
•Placed OF Trey Amburgey on the 10-day injured list (retroactive to 7/19) with a right hamstring strain.
•Recalled OF Estevan Florial (#90) from Triple-A Scranton/Wilkes-Barre.

13bit said...

Brian Crackhead Cashman has been slowly and forcefully cementing his reputation as a once-in-a-generation moron when it comes to baseball wisdom. "20 Years of Bad Trades" could the title of a book that *somebody* could write, documenting the heights of his incompetence.

TheWinWarblist said...

"The question is whether the Yankees will drain their farms for that rare player - the one who actually could make things worse."

That has always been the Way of the Stinebrenner.

Kevin said...

Regarding spitting on Varitek's daughter. Call me a skeptic, but how in the hell would anyone even recognize him? He looks like one of 25k fat guys at any given sporting event. And if you have the balls to spit on a man's kid (I'm assuming he was standing there (?) ) then why wouldn't you just lather up his obnoxious face? Ten plus years ago I would have believed the story without a second thought. But with the Cult of Victimhood in our so-called "Culture" I just have to wonder. "Red is grey, and yellow white.... Color me jaded.

ZacharyA said...

Asher Wojciechowski, career 5.95 ERA and 1.46 WHIP in 200 innings and not good enough to crack the Orioles pitching staff, is starting tomorrow for the Yankees.

He has a 5.68 ERA and 1.50 WHIP in AAA for us this year.

$210M payroll and this is what we get.

Barney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Suzyn's Bitch said...

I'm happy to see Florial get a second look. The optimist in me hopes he can hit at this level. Already know he can field and run like the wind!

Rufus T. Firefly said...

"Asher Wojciechowski, career 5.95 ERA and 1.46 WHIP in 200 innings and not good enough to crack the Orioles pitching staff, is starting tomorrow for the Yankees.

He has a 5.68 ERA and 1.50 WHIP in AAA for us this year.

$210M payroll and this is what we get."

The worst team money can buy.