Tuesday, March 15, 2022

"We don't have time to get another tent made."

 


Lost, no doubt, in all the fireworks and dancing in the streets over Brian Cashman's deal bringing a 36-year-old statue and A Man Called Falafel to your New York Yankees, was the other key part of that Acquisition That Will Resound Down the Ages.

That was one-half of the critical, Higgy-Rorty platoon to be installed behind the plate. We're talking Ben Rortvedt, folks, pictured here, hard at work at his usual routine. Various Yankee personnel, according to the internet, were apparently so wowed by his artillery that they were kvelling about how the team would have trouble fitting their .169-hitting catcher into an existing shirt.

"We may have to get a whole new shirt!" one of them gushed.

Uh-huh. Hope he clears that expense with Hal first. 

It reminded me of an incident in the 1930s, when Casey Stengel was serving his time in the purgatory that was the old Boston Braves.  



It seems there was a frenzy in Beantown to bring back a beloved, hometown hero, Somerville's own James Francis "Shanty" Hogan.

Hogan was called "Shanty" not as one of the usual ethnic slurs casually pinned on almost all non-WASP Americans at the time, but because, well, he was roughly the size of a shanty.

Or rather, a shanty big enough that most of the west of Ireland would've given their last good potato to live in during the famine.

It wasn't so much that Hogan was huge by today's standards—he was supposedly six-one and 240 pounds, measurements that sound highly dubious in light of the photographic evidence, but still wouldn't come close to a single Fielder, Prince or Cecil. 



(Hogan, on the left. And below, shaking hands with Jack Sharkey.)



It was more that, as the great Steve Goldman once described him, Hogan—who was a terrific hitter—had a body that "seemed to be constructed out of marmots."

(See below.)

Stengel, asked if the Braves really did intend to go ahead and re-acquire Shanty Hogan, replied:

"There's not enough time in the season to get another tent made"—to clothe the Brobdingnagian receiver.

Unkind, to be sure. 

But it leads one to wonder if it's really worthwhile for Hal to get the MLB sweatshop in the D.R. up and running to tailor a whole new shirt for the prodigious Mr. Rortvedt.

You know and I know that this is, alas, yet another modern ballplayer—yet another Yankee—who is playing the wrong game.


Rorty, like somebody else I could mention, seems to think he's a professional bodybuilder. He's not. Ostensibly, he's a catcher. 

And you know and I know that, sure as shootin', come a little regular play in the big leagues those ligaments and tendons will be popping like over-tightened violin strings during a junior high performance of "The Flight of the Bumblebee."

But hey. That new shirt should be able to accommodate a pretty big ad.












12 comments:

Joe of AZ said...

Him and Voit can bench 2000lbs each.... which will Also be the 'Mount of games missed over the remainder of there careers cuz of injury

HoraceClarke66 said...

I remember, back in the seventies, when the Mets had a promising catcher named John Stearns. The Mets were always bragging about what a great base-stealer he was. One year he even stole 25 bases. And me and my Yankees fan friends sat around in our smug way and said, yeah, that's what you want in a catcher. Someone who can steal bases.

Sure enough, he got hurt, and never played as many as 100 games in a season after he was 27. His power disintegrated, too. But he could still steal bases.

Maybe Rorty can win us a Mr. Olympia title.

Celerino Sanchez said...

Maybe his nickname can be Roidy? Can't you here Sterling "Roidy goes for the cycle"!

BTR999 said...

Less time lifting, more time learning to hit big league pitching

Doug K. said...

just read this...

Members of the Yankees and Mets that are not vaccinated against COVID-19 are not eligible to play baseball in New York City, per a report from Stefan Bondy and Dennis Young of the New York Daily News.

Oy.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Yep. And it looks fairly certain that Judge is one of the unvaccinated. Apparently there are 2-3 other Yankees, as well.

What makes me think one of them is probably Mr. Donaldson?

Helluva season. And it hasn't even started!

DickAllen said...


The NY Murdoch said:

"The Yankees later released a statement on the status of games in NYC: “On behalf of the New York Yankees, [team president] Randy Levine is working with city hall and all other appropriate officials on this matter. We will have no further comment.”

In other words, putting the touch on the city to overlook this minor detail. Way to go Yankees. The more I know you the less I like you.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I know. These athletes, these teams. The other night, there was Kevin Durant, ordering the duly elected mayor of New York to change a public health policy.

Hey Kev, the mayor is not your errand boy. And if you don't wanted to accept your heaps of money, someone else will.

Kevin said...

Rortvedt is crazy big. I have to wonder how today's athletes can expend so much energy in the gym and then go out and play (they couldn't without the Juice).After reading "The Rocket that fell to Earth" which detailed Clemens daily regime I came to one conclusion. NFW should any juicer get into the Hall. Besides the Bullsht numbers, there is another moral issue that is never talked about. The money that is taken, no, stolen, from the honest player, as well as the jobs that lack of roids costs players. I understand that the cheaters bust their asses in the gym, which serves as self-justification. I trained for forty years myself, it became a mental game of sorts, I never saw anyone who looked like some of these guys. If Bonds, Sosa, and McGwire hadn't done their Thing in the space of a few years the Public would never have caught on, and the owners would have sourced even better Jstuff. I love pouring over stats almost as much as watching the game, A big chunk of my fun was ripped away from me. Well I suppose I could watch a bunch of men with twenty inch arms run up and down a wooden court, a game as honest as jai alai..... I guess that I'm sick of the bullshit, this lockout by the greasy owners just reminded me......

HoraceClarke66 said...

Totally agree, Kevin. And I hate even more how it now seems to be, 'Juicers the writers like' will get in.

The Archangel said...

HOF kinda lost its mystique for me when Harold Baines made it but Thurman and Mattingly haven't.
Seriously, did you ever shudder when Baines came to bat? Nice guy sure but, C'mon Man.

Big Poopie is still on roids.

ranger_lp said...

With Stanton, Judge and Rortvedt, I like my chances in a bench clearing brawl...