Box seats & suites going fast for epic Yankee Stadium show with Slayer, Anthrax, Megadeth and Metallica

Yo, Yankee fans! Bow down, and sell your souls! Cuz when the fire-hordes gather this fall, reservations in the 4-Star Yankee Steak House will be harder to find than that undigested ecstacy pill you just puked onto your ol' lady!

Book your corporate suites now, gamers, because HELL is coming to the House that JUDAS Built!

WTF? Yankee fans, it's your chance to see the real band behind Mariano's love theme! Plus, you'll see Rudy "The Unforgiven" Giuliani in his famous front row seat. And the guy down front, with his bitch on his shoulders, flicking her pod -- that's Hank Steinbrenner!

And don't forget the Yankee Stadium disco lounge: You better believe the Goldman-Sachs luxury box will be bumping up and down! With special host John Sterling, adapting Metallica deathriffs to Yankee homerun calls. "ENTER GRANDYMAN." As for the finale: Athrax will feature singers Suzyn Waldman and Marilyn Manson for a jam medley of "Damn Yankees" show tunes!

Be there... or be DEAD.