Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Oakland wants Jesus, Allah, Gaia and L. Ron Hubbard for Gio Gonzalez

Unsourced Gammonite psychobabble from the Winter Meetings says that "Moneyballs" Beane is willing to trade the great and almighty Gio Gonzalez to the Yankees for everything in our farm system, plus Brian Cashman's first-born child and his precious bottle cap collection.

Whoopie. It's the usual shakedown crapola that happens before some headline-hunting GM peddles the guy to Boston for a plate of fried chicken. (Remember the Schilling trade from our dear friends in Arizona? They wanted Alphonso Soriano and Nick Johnson from us. Then they handed Mr. Ketchup to Fenway for a handful of magic beans. Ha-ha, they said to the Yankees, we've screwed you again.)

Listen: Beane is the star of this year's Winter Meetings. He's Brad Phukking Pitt... Sir Hollywood... Mr. Jolie... Tyler Durden... People Magazine Sexyman... the befouler of Jennifer Aniston! He's the only GM who in 2012 can win a World Series and an Oscar! Good grief, he can probably get a Yankee prospect just for letting Cashman ride in his posse. Why wouldn't he expect to receive the sun and moon for such a gremlin of pitching as Gio Gonzalez?

Let's hope Cash stands his ground. He can rappel down a building. He can sleep on the sidewalk (warmed by the halogen of the media lights.) He ought to be able to say no to Brad Pitt. But hell, can anybody say no to Brad Pitt? (A Yankee fan, by the way.)


Doseph said...

Duke, have you caught wind of this - ???

Joe De Pastry said...

Can anybody say no to Brad Pitt?
The gay-ness multiplies.
Not that there's anything wrong with gay-ness, for you, I mean.