Monday, July 8, 2019

"You Will Never Leave Scranton a Yank"

This is inspired by El Duque's last headline, "Will we ever see Clint and Thairo again?"—yes, I'm blaming it on you!—plus the amazing Brad Paisley/Darrell Scott tune from the even more amazing, Elmore Leonard creation, Justified:  "You Will Never Leave Harlan Alive."

And a-one, and a-two:

In the deep dark hills of northeast Pennsylvania
Is the town where we trace our bloodlines
And I heard it there first
On a Moosic field dank
'You will never leave Scranton a Yank.'

Once there was a prospect named Refsnyder
Who made all the scouts and fans swoon
But Cash threw him back
Like some second-rate hack
Until he became Brigadoon.

Well they bring 'em in about ten at a time
And they trade 'em off in threes and fours
And they win or they fail
And they sure weep and wail
But they never get to the Bronx to stay.

Now you all know of our Tyler Wade
Well he vowed he would make the grade
But his hitting it stank
And his heart it soon sank
He would never leave Scranton a Yank.

There was the man we all knew as Thairo
And he played with a bullet in his thigh
And he played everywhere that they wanted
And he did with scarce a groan or a sigh
But it done him no good and they told him quite frank
He would never leave Scranton a Yank.

Well, the Railriders let loose Red Thunder
And he hit like a rushing freight train
But in the field he did blunder
And the boos they did rain
He would never leave Scranton again.

We can mourn all we want for poor Mike Ford
And don't get me started on McBroom
Well they flashed and they roared
But they were ignored
For Scranton would still be their tomb.

Now you can throw that ball like old Koufax
And you can pick and field it like Oz
You can hammer that ball like Hammerin' Hank
But you will never leave Scranton a Yank.

There's a Cashman sits high in a tower
And he stops all those who would come through
He will trade you away
And to your dying day
You will never leave Scranton a Yank.


JM said...

Hey, yo, Cashman--yank this!

TheWinWarblist said...

Yank this. Well said JM. Well said.

Fuck you Cash. Fuck you Hal.

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