Wednesday, July 7, 2021

HoraceClarke66: The Yankees Are the Team of the Past and Always Will Be! Part de One.

 From the unrepentant pen of HoraceClarke66:

Boy, you lose your router service for four days—no doubt due to all the rage and vituperation pouring out of my keyboard on Saturday—and you come back to find your co-religionists lurching into heresy. I have never felt more like Moses, come down from the mountain top.

 Well, all right, that’s not true. My wife says I’m like that pretty much every morning.

 But never mind! I’m shocked to find even our Peerless Leader lamenting—no doubt, slyly tongue-in-cheek—how even our favorite team’s past feats have been surpassed in this torturous century.

 Never! says I, even though such malarkey now proliferates online, and in other such sinkholes of our collective human intelligence.

 Cal Ripken passed Lou Gehrig’s record? Did Cal Ripken play without a helmet? Did he try to play through ALCS? No, he did not.

 Crazy Carlton over the Chairman of the Board? I’m sorry, but Whitey takes the lifetime ERA match-up, 2.74-3.22—not to mention World Series wins, 10-2. And did Carlton ever do a commercial with Salvador Dali? I think not. 

Mike Trout has surpassed The Mick? The Big Fish has never got within sniffing distance of a World Series in his 10 full seasons of play—something that shows less than an overwhelming desire to win in this era when players can choose their own teams.

 Instead, Trout seems quite content to paddle about in laidback SoCal, hanging up stats. The last time Trout played in the postseason was 2014, when he batted a mighty .083 in 3 division series games. Mickey Mantle? Try Ernie Banks—at a less important position.

 Speaking of desire, Trout in those 10 years has already missed 293 games and counting. He may well miss the rest of this year, which would get him up over 350 games on the DL. Mantle, the most famously injured athlete in baseball history? He missed a total of 92 games in his first 10 full years with the Yankees.

 Just why is Mighty Mike so injury prone? Hey, I make no accusations! But if he gets anymore bulked up he can take up playing linebacker on those October days he always has free.

 And speaking of fraud, Barry Bonds “crushed” Ruth and Maris’ records? Sorry. The man was so juiced up his head literally expanded. In another, more enlightened age, he would have been tried for witchcraft. So would his partners in our Age of Fraud, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa.


 Which leaves us with the saddest piece of internet foolishness of all…

47 comments:

JM said...

I'm on the edge of my seat...

Btw, agree with every single point.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Moses, I mean, Hoss, you tell it like it is. Hope Part de Deux is coming soon!

The Hammer of God

HoraceClarke66 said...

Oh, you flatterers!

Ken of Brooklyn said...

This is TREMENDOUS Hoss, total mic drop post, I can't wait until until Part Deux!

Leinstery said...

Gleyber got a 2 RBI hit. The sky is falling.

Pocono Steve said...

Since it's best for the future that they just lose and lose often, I won't become annoyed at what's happening right now.

Pocono Steve said...

Or I'll say that I won't become annoyed but become annoyed anyway.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Another nice start. But can I just say...why are all our pitchers such pussies?

Sorry, bad comparison, I know. Pussies have much, much more character than our pitchers.

So here we have 25-year-old Nick Nelson out there, fighting for his professional life. He gets a rare "opening slot," and the suddenly road-warrior Yankees stake him to a 3-0, first-inning lead.

And he can't get the ball over the plate! In this, his 20th major-league game.

And now he appears to be injured. Or something. He's flexing his fingers oddly. Okay, Nick. Time to seriously consider insurance.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Of course, Nelson—now 3-0 on a .192-hitting catcher—is only out there because Domingo German had "an emergency root canal" surgery. Which was so awful that German may still be available out of the pen.

WHAT?

I just don't get it. Do you want to pitch in the major leagues, young sons? Or what?

HoraceClarke66 said...

So bases loaded, Nelson out after 2/3...and Luis Cessa coming in to try to get Shed Long, .214 hitter.

I'm guessing grand slam.

Pocono Steve said...

Shouldn't we be hoping grand slam?

HoraceClarke66 said...

CESSA! CESSA! CESSA!

Good Lawd a-mighty, never thought I'd see the day when I was singing the praises of Luis Cessa! But I am!

Nick Nelson? He was raised what was a 6.61 lifetime major-league ERA coming in.

I think it's time to summon Clemenza:

"Oh, Nicky, you won't see him around here no more."


HoraceClarke66 said...

Fuck, he IS fast!

Pocono Steve said...

Lo Castro is not slow, I hear.

BernBabyBern said...

Locastro ain't great, but turning a routine single into a double is fun to watch and is something we haven't seen on this team in a looooooong time.

BernBabyBern said...

Judge is like, "Timmy, don't bother with all that running. Just get on base and I'll hit the ball to British Columbia."

Pocono Steve said...

What's with all this hitting?

HoraceClarke66 said...

Who are these people, and what have they done with our New York Yankees?

Sorry, never mind! I don't care, and I won't ask anymore questions as long as this continues.

Pocono Steve said...

It's excessive. Unbecoming. Opposes Aristotelian moderation.

JM said...

Seattle is not a tomato 🍅 can. Kikuchi is not a mediocre pitcher.

Streaks, man. Streaks.

HoraceClarke66 said...

You can't hope to stop Tim Locastro. You can only try to contain him.

JM said...

Sterling said he's had a root canal, and there are other things he'd rather do.

JM said...

Cessa has been great today. This is spooky.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Okay, real Brett Gardner is back.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Speaking of wussies, Jacob deGrom has decided to skip the All-Star Game, despite having the lowest ERA of any selection for the game since Bob Gibson in 1968.

Ah, baseball! Where the players and the owners come together to do everything they can to hurt the game!

HoraceClarke66 said...

And Mr. Root Canal is in. I don't think this will end well.

DickAllen said...

And here we all are, plucking daisies and singing, one by onel: she loves me, she loves me not...

As a wise man once said: don’t get fooled by last night’s game. Or this one.

You’ll be sorry!

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JM said...

German needs Dr Okoye.

Jesus.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Right you are, Dick Allen. And what happened says so much about this Yankees team.

Gio Urshela decides to nonchalant a ground ball. Hey, WTF, we're 4 runs up! A ludicrous error. Then Domingo, having just got away with a very lucky change-up that sailed up over the plate, decides not pay too much attention to that .192-hitting catcher.

BOOM! It's anybody's game again!



HoraceClarke66 said...

I realize there's a lot concerning this team that Ma Boone can do nothing about. But these sorts of mental let-ups are a manager's fault. He's got to confront some of these guys who just seem to lose all focus when they get a lead.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Now, up only 5-4 in the 7th, we are facing a team with a better bullpen and a much better record in close games. Great.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And here is the other part of the Nightly Goof-Off: The hitting stops.

11 in a row retired, before Stanton gets lucky with a ball the outfielder fails to make a shoestring catch on. But is he advanced even one base? No, he is not.

You can practically hear the snoring out there.

Kevin said...

The Yankees simply have too many gozzleheads.

DickAllen said...

Cheer up, Horace! I believe we’ve got three games in Houston coming up. That will put the wailing and gnashing of teeth back in our hearts!

And, BTW, there’s a great deal he cand concerning this team. IF he was any kind of a manager. Which he clearly is not.

DickAllen said...

Fuck’s sake Horace! I can hear the snoring all the way out here in LA!

Anonymous said...

Isn't a half season farewell tour more than enough for Gardner?

JM said...

Lasagna is pretty good. I hope they aren't even thinking of Chapman in a one run game. Please God.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Stanton's at-bat was truly a travesty.

He works count to 3-0—then takes a straight fastball down the middle.

If he was not green-lit on that, he should've been. And if he was, he should've swung.

He then takes strike two, also right down the pike, fouls a pitch off, then swings and misses at a ball in the dust of the left-handed batter's box.

Unbelievable.

Whoever said that he is positioning himself and swinging to protect himself from injury now is dead on.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Green coming in—and YES goes off, at least on my set. Probably just as well.

JM said...

YES goes out for the second night in a row. Wtf?

JM said...

It's back.

JM said...

Green! Mr Closer.

HoraceClarke66 said...

And...we have a closer. For the time being, at least.

Kevin said...

I'm still blown away by a pro athlete who can't post up after an "emergency root-canal". WTF!!!!!!!!!!!

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