Wednesday, July 31, 2019

On deadline day, the Gammonites go hysterical

Today, I'd like to break with our regular, Insta-Pot, oil-boiled torture of Brian Cashman.

Hoss, Alphonso, all of you... pull the red-hot spikes from his palms, yank the electrodes from his head, and sidetrack the army of voracious red ants headed his way. Let's give the guy a break. On this miserable, no-good, stressed-out, nightmare day, I say that Death Star fans across the Yankiverse should take pity on this sad husk of humanity, whom we mockingly call "Cooperstown."  

Today, whatever Cash does, the hordes of Hell will scream for his shaven head.

Today, he faces the unstoppable, unflappable Army of the Certain.



Today, this shrieking cacophony of sound bytes and headlines is demanding that Cashman trade Clint Frazier for somebody, anybody, to staunch the bleeding of a rotation on life-support. Not long ago, Frazier was a pillar of the Yankee future, a jewel of the farm system who - it deserves remembering - helped save the team this spring, when the batting order teetered on the brink. His numbers still beat those of Edwin Encarnacion, (though in an admittedly small sample size.) With Aaron Judge ever struggling - dare we think this is his new normal? - and Giancarlo Stanton proving to be the new Jacoby Ellsbury, the Yankees might soon need a solid, heart-of-the-order bat. But it won't be Red Thunder. By this time tomorrow, he'll be gone. If not, Cashman will face a hurricane of Gammonitic rage... a blast of wind that was strangely silent when Food Stamps Hal Steinbrenner refused to pony-up for Dallas Keuchel. (Say, did I mention that his ERA with Atlanta is 3.89, lower than anybody on our rotation? And all we needed to do was spend the money.)

Last year, around now, everyone said the Yankees faced a glut of outfielders. We needed to trade for pitching. Thus, Cashman dealt Billy McKinney and Dustin Fowler, and the next thing we knew, we were playing a pivotal weekend series at Fenway with Shane Robinson, a minor league journeyman, in RF. (Note: He hit .143 for the year.) 

Today, interestingly, Frazier's trade will happen almost simultaneously to Luke Voit receiving an MRI. Last night, Luke tweaked his cabbage basket. Generally, that means missing a month. That will move DJ LeMahieu - also recovering from a tweak - and our gold glove DH, Edwin Encarnacion, to 1B. Add another tweak - and we know they're coming - and we'll soon see Tyler Wade out there. Wait a minute: He was out there last night. How about Ryan McBroom, up from Scranton? Can we trade for Shane Robinson?

Whatever the Yankees do today, it won't be enough. They have lost 6 of 9 and no longer possess the AL's best record - a/k/a the home field advantage. They still lead Tampa by 7.5 games, and Boston by nine. Barring a collapse - which might have started - they will make the post-season. From there, I can see one path to the World Series: If Luis Severino, Dellin Betances and Stanton return, and a few veteran starters - Tanaka, Happ, maybe Paxton - figure out what they're doing wrong. Will Robbie Ray make a difference? I doubt it. 

Ah, but should we care? Today, whatever happens, will it matter?

18 comments:

JM said...

We need DJ back badly. We need Gardner back. We need Frazier back, and put Judge on the IL. We need Lasagna, Sevvy, maybe even crazy Dellin.

I can't remember ever seeing a team that was so banged up. A Yankees team, that is.

By the way, nobody seems to mention it, but not only didn't we sign Corbin or Keuchel, we also let David Robertson walk.

Yeah, we don't need him. Cessa is so much better. And Holder, too. Our bullpen is just peachy.

Anonymous said...

COOP PAINTED HIMSELF INTO A CORNER WITH HIS FLY BALL RATE/EXIT VELOCITY/AND SPIN RATE BULLSHIT.

NOW THERE IS NOBODY LEFT.

WELL, IMO, THERE IS ONE MAN LEFT.

THE GUY WE SHOULD HAVE TARGETED AND SECURED WEEKS AGO.

MADISON BUMGARNER.

AT THIS POINT, WE SHOULD EMPTY THE FUCKING FARM SYSTEM FOR HIM.

WE DESTROYED CLINT FRAZIER'S VALUE ON OUR OWN BY NOT SHOWING ANY CONFIDENCE IN HIM, THEN SENDING HIM DOWN (AFTER HELPING US WIN GAMES).

THIS HAS BEEN AN EVEN CRAZIER PROSPECT DESTRUCTION PROJECT THAN THE REFSNYDER DEBACLE.

THIS GUY WAS AN OUTSTANDING AND "CLUTCH" ASSET WITH THE BAT IN A LEAGUE WITH A DH!

WHAT THE FUCK DID WE DO HERE?

IF THERE IS NO CHANCE HE WILL PLAY FOR US AGAIN, THEN FUCK IT.

HOW ABOUT:
CLINT FRAZIER
MIGUEL ANDUJAR
DEIVI GARCIA
ESTEVAN FLORIAL
DOMINGO ACEVEDO
ALBERT ABREU

IF THEY DON'T TAKE THAT, FOR BUMGARNER, THEN FUCK THEM, FUCK US, FUCK EVERYBODY.

IF WE GET HIM, OF COURSE, HE MUST BE SIGNED.

FUCK THIS SHIT.

THIS AIN'T GOING TO HAPPEN.

FUCK ROBBIE RAY.

METS TURNING A CORNER, AND MAKING MORE WAVES THAN US.

GETTING MAD.

REAL MAD.

13bit said...

Madison Bumfuck is not enough. We need more than that. If he were the last missing piece, I'd say let's go all in, but I would not want to trade the farm - or what's left of it - for just him.

Our problem is systemic and it has been in the works for a long time. You can't undo years worth of bad moves with one trade. Remember a few years ago when we packed it in and traded some big chips for the future? We almost won it all.

I say we get radical now and do the same thing. I'm not going to name names, but no cow is too holy here for prospects.

Anyway, I'm okay with everything. I predicted 83 to 87 wins and we should easily make that. I have not expected us to do more than take the Wild Card for years now and we should get that.

And I have said for a long time now that we have no pitching and we easily fulfill that assessment.

It's all good. Another day above ground, testicles hanging loosely between my knees, knuckles dragging behind me, mouth open, breathing air, not a care in the world, yankee cap on backwards, singing anti-redsock songs slightly off-key while I ponder the universe all around me.

ranger_lp said...

We don't need to get pitching...we need triage units and hospital beds and IVs and young nurses...and young nurses, sorry got in a loop. We need to get these players healthy ASAP.

The Ghost of Yankees Past said...

If you can believe what is written in the press, Cashman has refused to be held up by the likes of Toronto and Detroit. Good for him! No deal is much better than a bad deal. I agree our likely best path is getting healthy and playing with who we have. If a good deal presents itself and we can add a pitching upgrade that would be nice. However, I am not counting on it.

JM said...

I say, use the starters as openers (unless they're doing great after 2 innings, then give them one more) and pitch the bullpen until everybody's arms fall off. Then call up more minor leaguers and pitch them until their arms fall off. Then get the first guys back after their arms have been reattached with electrical tape and pitch them until their heads fall off.

That should get us well into September, at which point, everybody on the pitching staff will be on the IL, along with everybody but Didi and Urshela and Romine among the position players. Expand the roster to 40 and call up everyone whose heart is still beating, and let them do whatever they can.

Also convince some retired players who are still in good shape to come back. Especially pitchers who can still throw 56 mph. I'm looking at you, Coney.

There, that should get us to October.

What do we do then?

Did I mention we signed several midgets/little people in August to pinch hit and draw walks? Not a new idea, but it might help.

Let's see...October...

I've got it--we do what the football Giants do most times they have the ball. We punt.

Anonymous said...



We should get Robbie Ray because he has the same number of syllables as Sonny Gray, making song parodies much easier.

The only song that works with Madison Bumgarner is Octopuses Garden and that will get old fast.

Doug K.

Anonymous said...

JM,

The use of starters as openers works only for CC and Tanaka (both lose it in the 4th) but would not work for Big Maple and Happ. (Who get better in the latter innings) Instead, I propose we pair them up.

CC (1-3) Paxton (4-6)
Tanaka (1-3) Happ (4-6)

German stays German. That way all we need are two (or probably four) more starters.

Doug K.

JM said...

I like it.

HoraceClarke66 said...

JM, Robertson has pitched in all of 7 games for Philly, and looked awful when he did.

ALL-CAPS, the Giants are actually back in wild card contention, so it looks like MadBum won't be going anywhere. And 13bit is right: Bumgarner is not enough at this point.

Doug K.: "Octopuses Garden" NEVER gets tired.

You ever see Dana Carvey's old bit doing George Harrison in a post-Beatles interview?

"Me and Ringo wrote a skiffle song about our pet squid: 'Squiddy, squiddy, squiddy/ Love my little squiddy/ Squiddy, squiddy, squiddy/ Rock 'n roll.'

"But John says, 'The Beatles don't do songs about mollusks.' Two weeks later, he and Paul wrote 'Octopus's Garden.' There was a lot of shit like that."

HoraceClarke66 said...

Ghost, I agree that we should be applauding Coops for not getting taken (so far). 13bit, I picked 84 wins myself. What's going on now was entirely predictable—save for poor Coops.

But he ought to stand firm. Put an outfielder's glove on Andujar next spring, and wait for him to start belting line drives again. THAT'S when you deal either him (Chthulu forbid) or The Red Menace, when WE'RE in the driver's seat. Or don't deal either.

Accept the fact that you have to go into the free agent market for a couple of starters. Athough that's on HAL...

For too long, the Yanks have been thinking they are one arm away from winning it all, when what they really should have been doing was completing the rebuilding process. This is NOT the time to double-down on that misbegotten strategy.

JM said...

Hoss, Robertson must be hurt. But wow.

Anonymous said...

ONE SOLID, "REAL" ACE WILL TAKE US A LONG WAY.

LOOK WHAT IT DID FOR US WHEN GERMAN PITCHED LIKE AN ACE EARLIER THIS SEASON.

LOOK WHAT IT DID FOR US LAST SEASON IN THE FIRST HALF WITH SEVY.

ONE "ACE LIKE" PITCHER CAN TAKE THIS TEAM A LONG WAY.

I WATCHED EVERY GAME THE METS PLAYED AGAINST THE GIANTS LAST WEEK IN SAN FRAN.

THE GIANTS ARE MISTAKEN IF THEY THINK THEY ARE SOLID CONTENDERS. (1 GAME OVER .500 AFTER A HOT STREAK).

THEY SUCK...(CAN'T HIT AT ALL).

THEY STRUGGLED TO BEAT THE METS, EVERY GAME, AND IT WAS A FUTILE DISPLAY OF HITTING ON BOTH TEAMS.

BAD PLAYS AND ERRORS GALORE ON BOTH SIDES TOO.

THEY SHOULD TRADE MADBUM.

....BUT I AM STARTING TO BELIEVE MY ASSESSMENT FROM LAST YEAR WHICH IS MOST GM'S HATE CASHMAN. (PERSONALLY, AND PROFESSIONALLY).

WHY ELSE WOULD HE BE UNABLE TO MAKE ANY "CRUCIAL" DEAL FOR YEARS NOW?

COULDN'T CLOSE THE CLIFF LEE DEAL. (COST US A WORLD SERIES APPEARANCE BECAUSE OF REFUSING TO INCLUDE DAVID ADAMS IN A DEAL... ADAMS IS WASHING CARS NOW).

COULDN'T COME DOWN WITH JUSTIN VERLANDER.

NOW IT HAS GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE HE CAN'T MAKE ANY "IMPORTANT" DEAL AT ALL FOR A PITCHER.

BEAR IN MIND HOW CASHMAN RAILED IN A RECENT BOOK WRITTEN PRAISING HIMSELF HOW HE "FLEECED" FLORIDA AND JETER FOR STANTON. (SOME "FLEECING" HUH)?

WHY WOULD TORONTO LITERALLY SAY "FUCK YOU" TO CASHMAN BY TAKING MUCH LESS FROM THE METS FOR STROMAN THAN WHAT WE WOULD OFFER.

THE WRITING IS ON THE WALL.

IT LOOKS LIKE CASHMAN'S PHILOSOPHY HAS BECOME BILLY BEANE'S PHILOSOPHY.

LOW COST OPTIONS TO GET US TO THE PLAYOFFS.

ONE PROBLEM WITH THAT.

YOU CAN'T WIN A WORLD SERIES THAT WAY.

RAGE.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Off topic, but what about Puig getting in on the 'brawl' (Piniella would cringe calling it that) AFTER being traded. Why was he in the middle of it? Why was he still in the game? Is that even legal? Doesn't he play for a different team at that point.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

and ALL-CAPS, you're right about the Billy Beane approach. It's about making money not winning championships, or even entertainment.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Spot on, ALL-CAPS. I was thinking about that bloody book again, too.

Who DOES that? Are there Wall Street traders who, while they're still trading, write books about how they put it over on other traders—listing them by name? Are there still-active diplomats who publish books on other foreign ministers they have utzed?

Leave that book to your freakin' retirement! (And really, what exactly does he have against Jeter, other than the fact that Jetes wanted more money for his last contract?)

But of course, writing the book now is another way of bribing Klapisch, one of the longtime beat writers who cover him, and constantly beat the drum for what a genius he is, and how he should go to Cooperstown.

Anonymous said...

CORRECT RUFUS.

CORRECT HOSS.

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE COOP COULDN'T MAKE A DEAL FOR A GOOD PITCHER IN ALL THIS TIME...

HE REALLY HAS EGG ALL OVER HIS FACE TODAY.

WOW.

PAYING ATTENTION HAL?

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