Sunday, March 28, 2021

It's almost time for our annual predictions, and how can we not be depressed?


Honestly, I can't decide which aspect of yesterday's news fuels more despair - the notion that Luke Voit will miss a month, or that Jay Bruce will replace him?

Not to diss Bruce, as a person. He's had a fine career. But he turns 34 next week. He batted .198 last year. He hasn't hit higher than .225 in the last three seasons. He strikes out 25 percent of the time, and to call him an adequate fielding 1B is like giving Pia Zadora a Golden Glove. Last week, he played 1b, handcuffed by a liner and a bad throw, and showing all the range of that cargo ship in the Suez Canal. Though he's listed as an OF, he's played half his last few years as a DH. The last season Bruce drove in 100 runs - 2017, when he played for two teams - he fanned 139 times and hit into 11 double-plays. His reaction to the overshift is to swing harder, leaving us with a LH version of Gary Sanchez, and while the lineup can use a lefty, we'd be better off shifting DJ LeMahieu to first and signing someone who knows how  to bunt. (Is Freddie Patek still playing?) This team does not need another HR/K/BB batter. Games are already long enough.

That said, The Master has four days to craft his Homer Holler. 

How about, "Bruuuuuce. Tramps like him, baby, he was born to hit a home run."

Thank God spring training is over. Another week, and we'd have nobody left.

It's time to make our annual predictions: How many games will the 2021 Yankees win? (And how would they do in Bern Baby's All-Time Yankee Team Brackets Tourney?)


22 comments:

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

While creating Jay Bruce’s home run call is the assignment i never wanted, especially considering it may never be used in his first 100 at bats, I take this duty seriously. This duty as been assigned to all of us. Home run calls take a village.

Anyway... Jay Bruce! Uses the Spruce!

I think this is appropriately John Sterilingesque, especially with the inaccurate wood type.

Runners up (aka shit I’m coming up with just now)
Bruce gives that ball the vamoose!
Jay hits the/his first/2nd/3rd etc of the day.
Bruce! Hits one loose!
Jay Bruce earns (opposing pitcher) the noose!
Jay proves he’s not actually gay!




Anonymous said...

A few thoughts...

1) Sterling's Call For Bruce

Perhaps something from They Call Me Bruce?

Wikipedia: ... (also known as They Call Me Bruce) is a 1982 American action comedy film directed by Elliott Hong, written by David B. Randolph, and starring Johnny Yune and Margaux Hemingway. The film was followed by a sequel, They Still Call Me Bruce (1987), which also starred Johnny Yune.

Never saw it. Does anyone know if it has a signature moment/marshal arts cry?

2) Maybe Lenny?

Perhaps as Bruce lumbers around the bases John could do some kind of a verbal jazz riff. It could start with, "Home Runs man... chicks dig the longball... They can't help it... It goes back to the cave man thing.... Club Swinging..." and just go from there.

3) Punky Brucester?

How long until he Ks so often that one of us refers to him as Punky Brucester? I'll give you a hint. Zero time because I just did. Now that it's on the table let's hope he avoids the moniker.

4) Chris Gittens

Like several people here I would have rather seen them give the spot to Chris Gittens. He was MVP of the Eastern League in 2019. On the way up as opposed to out.

Then again wasn't the last MVP of the Eastern league Jake Cave?

"Cave, man!... Cave Man. Chicks dig the..."

Last Thing

Got curious about Jake Cave and went to Baseball-Reference.com to see what happened to him and they have this, "Similar Batters" section with ratings that I don't understand but here are the three batters he most compares to.

Anthony Santander (971.7)
Clint Frazier (967.8)
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. (966.9)

WTF! Either they're nuts or we are. Can someone explain this to me? Seriously, I would like to understand.

Doug K.

Anonymous said...

Beau,

"Jay Bruce! Uses the Spruce!

I think this is appropriately John Sterilingesque, especially with the inaccurate wood type."

Yeah. I suspect that if he thinks of it that will be the call. Perfect really.

Doug K.

Anonymous said...

How about "Bruce ... hits one in the caboose!"

The injury to Voit is just the beginning ... there'll be a plethora coming up in the next 2-3 weeks.

The Hammer of God

Carl J. Weitz said...

105 wins. Each starter wins 15 +, if healthy.

HoraceClarke66 said...

"Forget William Wallace! We have The Bruce!"

I know, I know. Pretty weak. Just like the player in question.

Retired Stratman said...

How about “The Bruce is Loose - Brewskis all around”. Or something.

JM said...

Predicting John's call for JB is kind of pointless, since I don't think he'll hit one by the time Voit comes back. I know, an extreme view, but there it is.

Too bad there isn't a "Home Run Derby" type of show these days, but it would be "Big Whiff Derby." Would love to see Bruce and Sanchez go head-to-head on that, especially if Wildroot was the sponsor.

As for this team versus Bern's brackets, I know this has to be Duque's puckish sense of humor at work. We'll be better than 1966, but after that...

89-73, if Zack comes back soon enough.

I've been watching Ken Burns' "Baseball" series, which I hadn't seen in 25 years or so. One of the guys from the Negro League said, "We didn't have relievers. You were expected to take the ball and throw 9 innings, that's what you were being paid to do."

As Mr. Allen (not Woody) used to say, how about that?

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Hard to argue with JM:

"We'll be better than 1966, but after that..."

Over/under for attendance will also be 1966. The year, not the total.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

I'm beyond pessemistic about this team, after last year's dismal post season performance, I've lost my last shred of hope that they can rise to the (any) occasion. I'll give them 95 wins, but that's being generous. Kluber had a crappy day today, adding to my sense of doom and gloom,,,,, Urrrggggg.

Though it's wonderful to virtually reconnect with you all again, IIHIIFIIC has become my favorite part of the entire Yankee experience. Here's to a much MUCH better season than I've predicted, LOL!!!!!!!!!

ranger_lp said...

It can't be "Bruce is juiced!!!"

Alphonso said...

I am for Gittens as well.

It's like the Yankees are stuck in their thinking, like rich, old white guys always are. So they won't even consider an MVP from AA who also is the best defensive first baseman in the system.

So now, we have to hope for Bruce to go down.

Frankly, this team deserves what it gets. They have no willingness to change. Or to take a risk.

Wild card shit.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

Since MLB outlawed Gerrit Cole as we knew him, I’m on the Bruce train.

Mustang said...

"Jay Bruce... cooks [city of opposing team]'s goose!"

13bit said...

87 wins if we're lucky

DickAllen1964 said...

I envision these teams at the top of the AL:

1) Yankees
2) Toronto
3) Minnesota
4) Chicago
5) Oakland
6) Tampa

The AL won’t be breaking the sound barrier this year with the Yankees being the best of a weak bunch. Of those six teams, Toronto might have the highest expectations and the brightest potential.

Barring the Yankees leading the league in the Training Room/IL list, the Yankees will win the pennant and lose to the Dodgers in the first reasonably legitimate World Series in years.

Kevin said...

Bruce has been have "soreness" in his knee for close to a month now. He's not fighting for a roster spot, so well in Sam Hill wasn't this taken care of weeks ago? How many times has this sort of thing happened over the past few years? Of course The Brain may have tried to trade for a real first baseman without working against leverage that he just handed prospective trading partners.....

I am the slime on your internet screen.....maybe it IS time to raise dental floss in Montana. Hey Doug K. ? Most likely this is all a tempest in a teakettle, if this is as bad as it gets. LMAO!

Local Bargain Jerk said...


Since this appears to be the official prediction polling place of record, I'll keep my comments to a minimum and simply go for 92 wins. I.e., good but meh.

Celerino Sanchez said...

If this team wins the AL, then it would be the case of being the tallest midget. After Cole you have 4 guys who have not pitched 100 innings for 2 or 3 years. Behind those workhorses you have Cessa, Chacin, Schmitt (maybe) and Losaigia, need I say more. Then you have Gardy & Jay Bruce coming off the bench, 2 guys that didn't hit their weight last year. And of course they have the Cal Ripkens of our generation - Stanton & Judge. I'm getting depressed writing this, so I have to stop.

Unknown said...

98 wins, win ALE. Win AL pennant. Beat Dodgers in WS in 6 games. Judge MVP regular season, Cole Cy Young. Frazier wins WS MVP honors where he clubs 7 HR Ina. Six game series

BernBabyBern said...

Personally, I'd love to see Sterling mess with everyone's mind and just say, "Jay Bruce ... has hit a home run."

As for this team, I think we scramble to 94 wins, likely get a wild card or whatever (I don't think MLB has officially acknowledged what the playoffs will look like. Last I knew, they were trying to work out details for another expanded postseason, but hadn't reached an agreement with the players, so a return to the 10-team format was likely but not set in stone.)

This team has so many "ifs" it's crazy. Just about everyone has an injury history. The staff is a bad 50s band - Gerrit Cole and the Rebuilt Rotator Cuffs. It's like this team was put together with built-in excuses for Hal and Cash ("It was the injuries that did us in!"). There's talent, but there better not be a stiff wind, or this house-of-cards roster has the potential to turn into a game of 52 Pick Up real quick.

Oh, and sorry for the slight delay of "Round 2, Part 2" of the tourney. It'll be up soon. More bracket mayhem to follow.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside said...

“ Jay Bruce ... has hit a home run.”

That just made me crack up.