Tuesday, March 2, 2021

Searching for meaning in a meaningless universe: The Gary Sanchez Movie begins.


Picture this: In the dramatic finale, Gary Sanchez belts a monstrous HR - with one majestic stroke silencing all doubters and returning to Hall of Fame luster. As he toes home plate, teammates mob him, the sellout crowd goes wild, the John Williams score rises, and the celebration halts in freeze-frame, letting the credits roll. 

That's how Disney would portray it: Hope At Bat: The Gary Sanchez Story... starring Pedro Pascal in the title role, featuring Penelope Cruz, Cameron Diaz, the Rockettes, Adam Driver (as "Hal"), Tilda Swinton (as "Cash"), Seth Rogen (as "Yogi") and Nick Jonas (as "Young Gary.") Everything would end on the second day of spring training, the first of March.

And let's give Gary a hand. For he's a jolly good fellow... He caught Gerrit Cole (eliminating, for now, that troubling Cole-Higgy tryst.) He blocked pitches in the dirt. He didn't strike out - not once. And he homered, a grand, tape measure shot. As fine a start to 2021 as we can write... as long as he doesn't get the wrong idea. 

Actually, screw the homers. Know what I would have liked to see yesterday? A 12-pitch at-bat. A single to the opposite field. Or a bunt so well placed that he homer-trotted to first.  

In the upside-down world, yesterday's HR merely reminds us how much the Yankees have staked on Sanchez, who was certifiably awful in 2020. How bad was he? He was so bad that the Yankees couldn't trade him for what they'd get in return. So bad they had to keep him. So bad their only play was to conclude that - hey, nobody can be THAT bad. 

So, he homered yesterday - (along with Chris "Gittin outa Scranton" Gittins, who will probably never see an MLB at bat as a Yankee; too many RH hitters blocking him, including perhaps Sanchez) - livening a socially-distanced crowd and raising hopes, unless your name is Kyle Higashioka.

Let's hope it's a beginning, because it's not the end. For Sanchez, it's a long road back. Next at bat... perfect time for a bunt?


Anonymous said...

"Actually, screw the homers. Know what I would have liked to see yesterday?
A 12-pitch at-bat. A single to the opposite field. Or a bunt so well placed that he homer-trotted to first."

And therein lies the rub, every home run Gary hits sets him back and resets the clock.

(Anyone know what that actually means? Seriously. I know I used it right and that it will be understood, but what is "the rub" that is apparently being used therein?)

For those who didn't see it, it was a prodigious blast, carrying at least 125 feet further than it had to. Imagine how needlessly far it would have traveled if they hadn't deadened the ball.

As Monsieur DuQue points out - We know he can find a walnut. He needs to prove he can hit.

Nice casting by the way. I particularly like Tilda Swinton (as "Cash"), and Seth Rogen (as "Yogi"). Not sure about Adam Driver as Hal. Great actor but has too much apparent strength. Perhaps Stanley Tucci. Or is he to old now?

Doug K.

Local Bargain Jerk said...

For Hal, I would got with Michael Cera, particularly the voice-constantly-cracking version of a male he played in the movie "Juno".

JM said...

Quick. Trade Sanchez now before he loses this single AB value.

Anonymous said...


Michael Cera is an inspired choice.


Good idea.

Other Casting:

Jack Black as the Ghost of Thurman Munson. Not saying that it's a good choice. Not even sure if the movie has this character. I just think it would be funny to see Jack Black play the Ghost of Thurman Munson.

Doug K.

Anonymous said...

Ok one more and then I have to run errands but I'm thinking

Steve Buscemi as the now homeless Steve Swindal.

He corners Gary in the George M. Steinbrenner Field parking lot and tries to sell him the HR ball.

It's a powerful moment as Gary comes to realize how often the vicissitudes of life can be cruel and he vows to never get caught soliciting prostitution in the city of Tampa.

Doug K.

HoraceClarke66 said...

I know "the rub" is in "Hamlet," but not sure what it comes from, Doug.

Gary Sanchez could up his batting average 50 points this year—and still not cross the Mendoza Line. Makes you think.

Anonymous said...


Thanks. I looked it up and it is indeed from Hamlet and means the impediment or obstacle and "the expression may come from lawn bowling, where rub refers to an unevenness in the ground that impedes the ball."

I learn something every day.

Doug K.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Me, too! Thanks to this site! :)

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