Wednesday, June 9, 2021

Spider Tack

(To the tune of Spider Man)

Spider Tack. Spider Tack.

It makes up for a talent lack.

Spin a pitch, rally's die.

Turn home runs, into weak pop flies.

Look out! The pitcher's got Spider Tack.

Is it strong? Listen bud.

Ten times more spin than using mud.

Can it make, a pitch break?

Get outs down the middle on one's they take.

Strike three! He's using Spider Tack.

In the heat of night, with the game on the line.

Just employ the tack and strike out more than nine.

Spider Tack. Spider Tack.

Pitch outside and still brush them back.

Wealth and fame can be yours.

Make the game a total bore.

With tack, it will off set your heater. 

Who cares if you're a cheater... 

You're using Spider Tack!



Joe of AZ said...

Right! Nice to know we spend 30mil a year on yet ANOTHER cheater for christs sake.

JM said...

Very lively discussion on the Michael Kay show on this. They think MLB has let it go on for a long, long time, and now they're turning guys into instant cheaters and raising suspicion with any off start.

I think they're right. If MLB wanted to start enforcing an unenforced rule, it could've been handled a lot better and much more quietly. They're giving the sport and a lot of pitchers a very public black eye, unnecessarily. Creating another group of "cheaters" that will carry a stain forever.

Anonymous said...

Safe to assume Cole was cheating in 2019 ALCS Game 3? 7-innings/0-runs and the win.

What I most remember about that game was some weird weather and Didi's ball to the wall but re-reading the boxscore provides further proof how sucky this Cashman/Boone era has been. Sevy took 97 pitches to get 13 outs, walked three, committed and error, and gave up two early solo HRs. Greene and Kahnle (both lights-out) were only allowed to throw 15 pitches between them. Apparently this was in order to get Red Sox star Adam Ottavino into the game asap whereupon he allowed two on base without recording an out. Britton cleaned up Otto's mess by letting a run score on a wild pitch and then another on a sac fly (that runner had moved to third on the same wp). Gardner batted third (which is of course absurd with 2021 hindsight but just as idiotic at the time), Encarnacion fourth, Stanton was on the roster but unavailable, and the team went 0-6 with RISP.


Rufus T. Firefly said...

Rick: How can you close me up? On what grounds?

Captain Renault: I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!

[a croupier hands Renault a pile of money]

Croupier: Your winnings, sir.

Baseball management were all Clouseaus when they "discovered Steriods" were being used. The balloon heads just seemed normal to them.

F'in hypocrites.

ranger_lp said...

@JM...they all used the the spin rates are off the charts and pitches are unhittable and games are even more boring than before...down right unwatchable. Maybe last night is a portent that the games will have more can only hope...

Kevin said...

Let's go back further. It's been obvious to batters since before Ruth that the faster the spin, the more the movement. Then flash-forward a hundred years. 'Our high-speed cameras and physics equations show that increased spin, increased movement'! And that 'splains how WE, the ahead of their time Astros reinvented pitching. Other teams suddenly said, 'yeah, we need someof dat analytics stuff too'. And so they (all teams) had a plausible reason for the ball boring in like that sphere from "Phantasm". After all, we can't pay ALL them hitters for hitting home runs, now can we? And now with gambling we are going to see (even with the forthcoming new "guidelines") very "strange" games when the Action is HOT.

Or as Parker said in "Alien", "micro changes in air density my ass".

Kevin said...

Hey Doug, you brought me back to the sixties in hilarious fashion! Great new lyrics, lmao.

JM said...

I forgot to say that. Doug, a brilliant parody. My hat is off to you, just don't look inside the hat band too closely.

HoraceClarke66 said...

Well, okay, it's no "Spider Pig." But still pretty damned good.

BernBabyBern said...

Bravo, Doug. Can we get someone to record it?

JM: I caught part of the Kay show today. Interesting discussion. I laughed, though, when Kay described Cole's interview as "not perfect." Yeah, and the Titanic had a "not perfect" maiden voyage.

Kevin said...

'K-Tel Records is proud to release, "DOUG, and his Yankee parodies". Fun for the family, and will make people forget that Weird Al fellow! ONLY $9.95, plus $29.95 for shipping and handling. Other fees may be applicable. Order now, operators are standing by'.

Alibi Ike said...

Great, Doug. I've posted it this morning over on

Anonymous said...


Thank you. That's very cool of you to do that.

Doug K.

Alibi Ike said...

No, it's cool of you to let me post content! Always looking for daily fresh doggerel.

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