Tuesday, June 22, 2021

Which Yankees will show up tonight? The grinders who beat Oakland? Or the team that has folded all year?

As we've heard before... it's deja vu, all over again... 

First time: After a miserable April, the Yankees came alive. They won 11 of 14, beating Baltimore, Detroit, Houston, Washington and even Tampa. Remember that historic Bomber lineup? Aaron Hicks in center! Kyle Higashioka behind the plate! And Setback Sevy healing in Tampa. We were on our way!

Then we took time off to suck.

Then came that magical week in late May. Cory Kluber threw his no-hitter. Remember Cory? (I even forgot that he spells it "Corey.") We luxuriated through five quality starts - FIVE! - even one by Tailspin Tailion! We won five in a row, FIVE! With Setback Sevy healing in Tampa. We were on our way! 

Then we lost five of six.

Okay, yeah... we've deja vued this before. It's the part of the movie where Batman beats up the Joker only to find that it was merely a diversion, and Gotham City is now in the clutches of the nefarious Catwoman, who is pissed that Batman refuses to - ahem - have you been following Twitter lately? Seems as though the Caped Crusader won't - um - perform a certain - uh - oral function for the fearsome feline feminist fatale. It's time for our boy to take off that mask. He either steps up or - well - he's Ben Affleck, who - have you been following Twitter lately? - is cowl-deep in a romantic Kekick/Peterson bootie swap with A-Rod. (I'm not making this up. After Affleck - Redsock fan alert - was seen canoodling J-Lo, A-Rod was reported snuggling Affleck's ex. Who is keeping score here? Is this the end of the pandemic, or the end of civilization?) 

Beginning tonight, the Death Barge hosts KC for three big games. (Note: Every Yankee game is a big game.) Already, demented bloggers across the Yankiverse are eyeballing the Royals roster, pondering various players that Cooperstown Cashman should scoop up like a whale gulping krill. Talk was heavy about Andrew Benintendi, until he cracked a rib. But the way some folks talk about trades, you'd think we had an endless supply of prospects, instead of a Scranton outfield of Socrates Brito, Thomas Milone and Ryan LaMarre. Listen: The Railriders cavalry is not coming, unless we want to trade away the rest of this decade for another Lance Berkman (and maybe give up another Mark Melancon.) 

Make no mistake: This is the real Hope Week. The Yankees need to beat the Royals like a rented mule and then put down Boston in its own back yard. The days are getting shorter. The season is no longer young. And Setback Sevy is still in Tampa. 


Local Bargain Jerk said...

After Affleck ... was seen canoodling J-Lo, A-Rod was reported snuggling Affleck's ex. ... Is this the end of the pandemic, or the end of civilization?

I'd go with "B".

Ken of Brooklyn said...

This is a strange team, when they're not putrid (75% of the time), they can be entertaining,,,, let's see how the next few weeks play out, though I'm expecting the worst.

ranger_lp said...

If the Royals stand up a pitcher the Yanks never seen, that's like Kryptonite. Guaranteed loss.

el duque said...

Or if they send up a guy with an ERA over 9.00.

We won't touch him.

JM said...

I had no idea Headley LaMarre was playing for Scranton. Go figure.

While I'm out here in Californy, the night games are 4 pm local time. If I can figure out how to activate the YES app, I'll be able to get in the game before dinner.

Of course, if the Yankees suck, I can just get drunk. Honestly, I'll likely do that anyway.

Kevin said...

"and every one is getting fat except Mama Cass..."

TheWinWarblist said...

Go with your strengths JM. Always go with your strengths.

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...

It's a very weird year. Like almost everyone else, I'm appalled at the number of strike-outs our team can amass in a 9-inning game.

BUT WAIT: I just looked @ the AmerLeague stats by team.

Yankees have 5th-most, 656.

Total teams with 600 or more: 11. Guys, there are 15 teams in the freaking league! #11, with 615, is the Angels. They've played 72 games (8.5 Ks per game).

Here's the ass-kicker: AL team leader in strike-outs: TAMPA BAY, with 766.

To take a look at it, go here:

....you can get the teams ranked in order by clicking on any of the other headings in the stats. For instance, the Twins + Blue Jays tie for #1 in HRs, @ 107. NYYs rank #7, with 90.

TheWinWarblist said...

So now we know which team showed up, the pathetic fuckers.

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