Monday, June 7, 2021

Stepping closer to The Abyss, the Yankees should start planning Tank Time.

Yeesh, this is awful. 

Here we are, trying as a nation to re-emerge from the darkness of Covid, looking to restore the semblance of American normality, seeking a New York team around which to rally... and we get this: A clown-shit show - (not just a clown show or a shit show, but a clown-shit show.) Everything the Yankees do - everything - seems destined to backfire.

The latest is Chris Gittens. Already, he's a perfect fit. Last night, "The Git" led the Yanks in strikeouts, with three, denied a Golden Sombrero when Rougned Odor pinch hit for him (and, of course, struck out.)  DJ LeMahieu and Gio Urshela each contributed two, on their way to an 11-whiff night. 

Seven Yankees walked. Thus, over the 58 Yankee plate appearances, 18 batters resulted in nothing happening, no ball put into play - a tedium factor of 31%. (If you figure each K or BB takes about four minutes, that's an hour and 12 minutes of watching canasta.) 

Saturday night, 37 Yanks marched to the plate, with 14 fanning or walking - a tedium factor of 37%.

Imagine a football game where a team takes a knee on every third play. (Well, okay, the 2019 Jersey Giants.) Would we follow it? It's like basketball back in the days of The Stall, before the 24-second clock. Just people standing around.

Aside from hate-watching - which is becoming a thing - should we care about these nightly pageants of pointlessness, where the big drama is how the batter will mutter and shake his head, while marching back to his dugout cushion?

Last year, the Redsocks phoned in their pandemic season, after deciding it wasn't worth chasing. They deliberately tanked, brought in some kids; they're now younger, faster, smarter and better than we are, and next month, they will draft fourth. They have bypassed us, along with the Rays and Blue Jays and - one of these days - even the O's will get there. 

The Yankees are a dead team walking, except for when they fan. 

People, it's almost Tank Time. This year, baseball will be remembered for its walks and strikeouts, and as the last MLB season before the owners begin blowing up the sport with rule-changes, none of which address the central problem: A tedium factor approaching 40 percent, because a bunch of stat wonks turned the game into miniature golf. We see more action on Jeopardy.

I know what you're thinking. Considering all the bad contracts they have hoarded, how can the Yankees tank? Actually, it's rather simple.

1. Bundle Giancarlo Stanton with Aroldis Chapman - (we'll have to bribe El Chapo to overcome his No-Trade Clause) - and give them to a contender, no strings attached. Pay Stanton's 2022 salary. Don't demand any prospects in return. In fact, we may have to add a few. So be it. Just get rid of Stanton, that's all. Let him blossom in LA. Let him become the King of San Diego. Doesn't matter. Move him, that's all. Get out from under him.

2. Keep Gleyber. That's it. Everybody else, thank them for their service, and see what we can get. That means shopping Judge, DJ, Urshela, Voit - the whole shebang. Yes, that means throwing the baby out with the bath water. (What's the baby done for us, lately?) If we cut off our nose - yes, our face will be spiteful - but we won't have to smell this team.

The Yankees now rank 17th, tied with St. Louis, on the 2022 Tank-a-Thon. There is no reason why we can't go 5-20 in July and draft in the top 10 next summer. If that happens, who knows? Maybe we can turn things around by, say, 2025! By then, the umps will be robots and batters will be standing on a mound. And Stanton will still be making $32 million per. 

Seriously, folks, we may have to borrow a page from the cicada brood, and simply go to sleep for 17 years. Maybe by 2035 - with Cashman and Randy Levine in the Hall - this team will be worth watching. Right now, it's tedium.

18 comments:

Celerino Sanchez said...

It's time to try and build a baseball team, not a playstation team. How about getting players who can make contact, how about getting players who can run from first to third, second to home. How about developing some f'ing pitchers. Until Cashman is gone, I guess I need to walk away from this team and stick with golf.

Anonymous said...

Celerino....that really IS par for the course. (ouch)

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


My earliest memory (of sports, at least) was the Mazeroski HR that ended Game 7 of the 1960 World Series. I remember a sinking feeling in my (then not so huge) stomach.

Now, it seems that my FINAL thought -- coming soon -- is going to be of the Yankees playing like crap.

I'll never be happy about losing. But if these losses featured sharp play, savvy hitting, and good pitching -- you could only say "we were outplayed." Or - we were unlucky.

Instead, it's crap against the Tigers, crap-crap vs. Tampons, and crap-crap-crap against the Red Sox.

Heck, we were so bad in these last games that the Sox probably deferred some of their routine cheating.

Anonymous said...

I would love to be in on the staff meetings where Yankee execs are trying to fashion an off-season sales pitch for people/corporations to buy season tickets and "packages" for next year.
[My brother had a pair for almost 25 years, saw some of the great games in the last dynasty.
He finally let them go in 2019 when they got more and more expensive and he had to move farther and farther from home}

We may actually see some changes sooner than we think because who would buy season tickets to watch this intestinal stew?

If anyone here has a sales pitch please feel free to post it. We can always send the best ones on to Levine.
The Archangel

JM said...

The late 60s were more fun because we didn't have the irritant of high-priced stars who can't perform. We could luxuriate in Hoss, Jake Gibbs, and the other nothingburgers.

I had half-joked awhile back about the Yanks starting the season 5-15, then doing great, and now we're due for another 5-15. We're getting it.

That was the worst strike call I can remember, yes, but we should've had the game by then.

And once again, I ask, why do we have such crappy relievers taking up roster space? Is the idea that the entire bullpen should be manned by competent pitchers such a bizarre idea? It seems like it is to Cashman.

Anonymous said...

El Duque, actually, I think the first step to tanking would be to fire Cashman and clean up the front office. I have no confidence that Brain can do the tanking job properly. After the management cleanup, the new GM should look at the scouting and coaching.

The Hammer of God

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Between the strike outs with strike three right down Broadway, the base running fiascos, and the f*cking double plays that kill EVERY rally, this team is unwatchable/unlistenable. Yesterday I was about to make a snide joke about invoking the unspeakable Broomy McBroom, but this team is soooOOOOo bad, I didn't even have too. Truly pathetic.

TheWinWarblist said...

Wandy! He came cheap! Just a back up outfielder! And now we have a Wandy!

Alphonso said...

I will also add a dollop of the obvious; no one will take Stanton if you pay all of his salary forever.

He is a death knell to a line-up.

A guy who will give you 3Ks and one Hit into DP, in the heart of your line-up. And he'll do it every time he plays.

During some washout game, where your team is up 8-1 or down 8-1, he'll launch a 500 foot solo blast with an exit velocity of moon rocket.

But he guarantees you lose.

Maybe Japan will take him.

BUT NO ONE HERE.

Kevin said...

Keep Torres? Closely watch him play. His head is like a lead balloon, has no situational awareness, he doesn't even seem to care. But this whole team, the same mistakes, lack of situational hitting, yada, yada. I have to wonder if the hitters are given TOO much information, 'I can't hit and think at the same time'. The hitters all look tentative and can't seem to adjust to where the ball IS, as compared to what the scouting reports tell them to expect it to be. And the defense, the worst Yankee team I've seen in 45 years. I think that Stanton has a no-trade clause, but what's the point of trading a player unless you can get back something better? We ridicule Cashman, and rightly so, but last year it looked as though J.D. Martinez was cooked, the rest of the club "meh". They seem to be getting the bounces that we used to get, but that's "a terrible blow, but that's how it go" for us and it falls back on Hal, assuming he has confidence in The Brain, or is ready to go on a Stalinesque purge of the front office. Well, two weeks ago we were starting to strut around like we had something, maybe the fire flashes again.........

Anonymous said...

Archie,

Yankee 2022 Season Tickets now available. Hang out in World Famous Yankee Stadium. Dine in our fine restaurants, have drinks with friends in our Yankee themed bars. Rent private suites, each with couches and big screen TV's. Shop our numerous stores on our Grand Concourse and maybe buy a piece of history.

Yankee Stadium. An experience worth doing.

Doug K.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Doug K,

Excellent! And not a mention of one of those pesky baseball gamey type things.

Just what HAL and Randy want.

Anonymous said...

Doug K.,
That is really superb.
I honestly can't tell if you made that up or if that is a direct quote from the Season Tickets Newsletter
The Archangel [But you can call me Archie.]

13bit said...

Hammer of God said it. It’s pointless tanking when you have no baseball brains to rebuild. Until Cashman is gone, we are toast. Cashman will only be gone if Hal gives a shit. Hal does not care. Checkmate.

steve said...

We were supposed to be regretting the latter years of Stanton's contract, not right now when he's in his so-called prime.

Anonymous said...

Steve,

As Homer Simpson says, "It's funny because it's true. Doh!"

Doug K.

Anonymous said...

Demand that Cashman develop and use more young players--then slam the lid shut on someone lke Gittens after three games (even Crazy George had more patience than that); deplore the wretched signings of people like Stanton but then label Steinbrenner "food stamps Hal" for not foolishly squandering even MORE money on such extravagant follies; applaud the forever contracts of people like LeMahieu without bothering to scrutinize his actual long-term performance in Colorado; etc., etc., etc., etc.

The fault lies not in the stars but in the self-contradictory ramblings of the "experts" on this blog.

Wendy Winer said...

Sanctimonious whining about content, yet you feel a need to continue to read it. There's a term for it. Insanity.