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Friday, September 10, 2021

A Multitude of Horrors?

NO! I'm not going to give in. So, first some good news...

1) It's raining!

Not a lot and not steadily but for the first time in months the good lord has seen fit to spit in our direction. Will it put the fires out? No. Will it slow them down? It's got to, right? Just a bit anyway.  At least the air is clear, and I remember why I live in this state.

 2) The Cowboys lost!

While it's not quite the same as the Giants winning its always great see that look of sadness frustration and pain on Jerry Jones’ face. 

As a side note… I mentioned this in the thread yesterday but both teams have actual offensive lines. I didn’t see a pressure/hit/sack on either QB in the whole 1st half.  Not having the QB running for his life or getting hit by a truck every time their team gets the ball really does make a difference.

Gettleman!

NO!  Enough with being sad. 

Sure, sometimes this blog feels like Arkham Asylum and yes, we are in what has to be one of the worst seasons to be a Yankee fan in decades... And sure, a resurgent virus is back to killing people at a record pace (and I’m including non-infected people who die because they can’t get an ICU bed.) but hey, at least we’re not flight attendants! 

When did that job go from “Coffee? Tea? Or Me?” to “Coffee, Tea, and can somebody get me a roll of duct tape? There’s a maskless lunatic in 28A spewing invective and threatening to beat up the pilot.”

NO! Sigh. This is harder than I thought...

I believe. Maybe it’s because I’m re-watching Ted Lasso but I believe... not that the Yankees will win. Because, c’mon I’m not insane, but I believe that this is it for the front office. 

Seriously. 

Not because the team has devolved into a soulless, heartless stinking pile of horse shit but because no one wants to pay hundreds of dollars to watch a soulless, heartless stinking pile of horse shit.

The worst thing the thirteen game false spring of a winning streak did wasn’t that it gave us hope for a pennant. It’s that the Yankees started to draw again. Well, that train has left the station. It’s back to Groupons.  

The pinstripes are starting to resemble those little chemical sugar stripes on Little Debbie's Zebra Cakes.  

That's right I said it  this current crop of Yankees are Little Debbie's Zebra Cakes. Tough to look at. Worse to consume. 

Well we ain't that hungry! So, buck up my friends. Change is a comin. And that’s good because there’s a national change shortage.

Hey what’s with that?  Coins don’t wear out or disappear! And how do stores get away with asking us to “round up”? They never round down.  No one ever says to me “keep the 28 cents we’re having a national change shortage.”

Gaaaaaaaaaaah!

21 comments:

el duque said...

Little Debbie cakes used to advertise on the Yankee Radio Network, and hearing John and Suzyn praise them was a highlight of every game.

WHAT HAPPENED TO LITTLE DEBBIE? BRING HER BACK!

Anonymous said...

"WHAT HAPPENED TO LITTLE DEBBIE? BRING HER BACK!"

I'm thinking she died of cancer.

Doug K.

Ken of Brooklyn said...

Great post Doug!
I'm still processing the info from Hoss a few days ago that this might be The Master's last year,,,,,, nothing I could do would offset the sadness of this, preying this isn't the plan>> URRGGGG!!!!!!!!

Ironbow said...

This Yankees team actually makes me nauseous. Seriously.

Joe Formerlyof Brooklyn said...


Try this experiment:

Make a list of "Players I Won't Miss If They Are Not On The 2022 26-man Roster."

Then (new sheet of paper?) -- "Players We Have Now That I Would Like To See On The 2022 26-man Roster."

I'm willing to bet there is more than $100 million in salary on your personal "Won't Miss" list -- maybe more.

-- and that the "I Would Like To See" list includes guys not now on the 28-man team, or, if on the team, not playing very much.

NOW: Pretend you are Brian Cashman. Wouldn't you rather resign than face this reality? Can't we get together a website encouraging him to enjoy the pleasures of staying home in 2022 . . .





Anonymous said...

Joe FOB,

I like that idea. I'm going to do the Keep Em Dump Em. I'll let you know what I come up with.

Doug K.

HoraceClarke67 said...

Great post, indeed, Doug K!

Ironbow, I completely agree. I have never seen a Yankees team that annoyed me more. And I'm sorry, but I've never seen a more open lack of effort by any NYY bunch.

Joe FOB, great idea. But it won't work.

As we learned several years ago—talk about nauseating—Coops actually uses his status to pick up deranged women ("The Yankees run the world. And I run the Yankees.") He's a psycho, his identity entirely wrapped up in this job his dad got him, and that he parleyed into fame and fortune through his own, assiduous ass-kissing and buck-passing.

You don't go through years, even decades of that sort of self-abasement just to turn around one day and walk away from it all.

Nope. We will get the "injuries and Covid" excuse. Next year, when the losing gets even worse, Ma Boone will be chucked under the bus. Then we will get "rebuilding."

2027. That's the year those of us who are still alive will see a new Yankees GM. You can take it to HAL's bank.

Anonymous said...

Doug K.,
THOSE ARE FIGHTING WORDS.

I married a red-headed working -farm girl whose name is Debbie.
She has been a delicious piece of snack cake for over 40 years and could probably drink most men under the table as she is 100% German.

Little Debbi is supreme.
I will send Boone to your house to personally explain how Heaney is an addition to out team if you do not take your slander back.
You seriously do not want to make an enemy of a celestial being do you?

The Vengeful Archangel

TheWinWarblist said...

The Little Debbie's Zebra Cakes [LDZC]; I'm going to run with that.

The LDZC have destroyed me in a year where I desperately needed something good. I will not go to the stadium to watch that dreck, not until some changes are made.

Fuckers.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

Archie, assuming your wife is not striped, I'm pretty sure Doug K was thinking of someone/something else.

Joe FoB, they did a website firejoemorgan.com. It took years for it to happen and probably wasn't to the website. It lives on as awfulannouncing.com

Anonymous said...

Rufus,
Au contrar'
That picture WAS on the package my wife 50-something years ago!!
I shall bring the wrath of God upon his immortal soul for slighting the best snack food in the history of the universe as modeled by Mrs. Archangel a/k/a the patron saint of corn syrup.

Also, F--K THE ENTIRE MANAGEMNT LEVEL OF THE NYY
The Archangel

Anonymous said...

I'm with Hoss on this one. Cashman ain't going anywhere too soon. We'll be lucky if he gets the heave ho in 2027.

The Hammer of God

Dantes said...

Hey, ultimately Cashman has to go but I think a bigger problem is whatever analytic minion told him protect Kriske over Whitlock. If Cashman goes he needs to take that analytic dept with him or it’ll be more of the same.
And while we’re at it someone launch Thames out of a fucking cannon, his batting stance “adjustments “ are an embarrassment

TheWinWarblist said...

Okay, you lot, there's a new sheriff in town.

Anonymous said...

Archie,

No disrespect to you or your frau (who I'm sure is everything you said and more) but...

Well, let me put it this way...

In the Early 60's, snack cakes (at least in NY) were made by Drakes. The Ring Dings were a nickel and bigger than your hand. The chocolate was rich and I suspect real. Same with the Yodels.

They were like the Yankees of the era. Inexpensive and substantial.

Sure, there were also Hostess cakes. Twinkies. Sno-Balls... I heard that there was a team called the Mets too.

An aside on Sno-Balls: Semi plastic, rubbery, tasteless pink things that I'm sure were the forerunners of what every they use in breast implants.

OK I'm back...

There were Drake's Cakes and if you wanted a lesser but descent product there were Hostess Cakes (not the Sno-Balls!)...

Then there was Little Debbie. She of processed food, so far removed from the original that her products could barely be called cake. Barely be called food.

Nicely packaged. Looked like something you'd like to eat but as soon as you did you realized that you've been duped.

These things were not delicious deserts. They are the result of a process. Of creating the illusion of something great when it was all about cutting corners. Saving money. Filler.

Little Debbie! Grrrrr.

And yes Little Debbie's spiritual doppelganger is the sham called The 2021 New York Yankees.

Again, no disrespect to your wife. Who I'm hoping is not the actual Debbie and merely shares her name.

Doug K.

Anonymous said...

Last thing, if she really was the model used in the picture. That is very cool. Anyone here married to Wendy?

Doug K.

Local Bargain Jerk said...


FWIW, those cakes are known as "Little Diabetes" in my house.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

LBJ,

We called them "space age polymers" because they had approximately the same nutritional value.

Winnie,

Does your post mean what I think it does? And is your stage name Reggie Hammond?

HoraceClarke67 said...

Doug K., you're a man after my own heart. Loved those Drake's Cakes; we would put 'em up on the dashboard to warm on the two-bit vacations we would take in our broken down old station wagon. Ring-Dings and yodels were great, too.

The Hostess chocolate and vanilla cupcakes were respectable substitutes. Never could get past the color of the Sno-Balls to try one. Little Debbies...eh.

(Incidentally, my wife, who hails originally from Philly, swears by their local favorite, Tastee-cakes, which ain't bad, I must admit.)

All right, here's the big test: Hydrox...better than Oreos!!! C'mon, who's with me?

HoraceClarke67 said...

And Hammer, you're right: I'm being a cockeyed optimist. By 2027, Coops will probably have married some Steinbrenner heiress and joined the family.

Good night nurse.

Anonymous said...

Truth be told,
I have never had a Little Debbie, except the one I'm married to.
Please commence the "farmer's daughter" jokes.
Remember--- all jokes are based upon the kernels of truth

The Contented Archangel