Wednesday, September 22, 2021

Can the Yankees sweep Boston at Fenway? Gulp - they may have to.

In the bottom of every fast-food takeout bag sits The Last Fry. 

You must dig deep to find it, but it's always there. It's petite and shriveled, but way down there, it absorbed all that salt and grease from the order - your last chance at a heart attack! - and it's worth excavating for the sheer taste and satisfaction.  

Since baseball, as we all know, is a metaphor for life, I submit that this last tiny fry represents the final MLB Wild Card playoff berth. 

We can still find it. We can still raise it. We can still suck on it. But in the end, it's just going to sit in our gut and make us sweat.

Ten games left - nine against teams that sadistically put us in this limbo. And if we end up tied, we won't be handed The Last Fry. 

That's on us, by the way. We couldn't beat Boston - 6-10 on the season - which in other years would be, by itself, a reason for self-loathing. Nor could we beat Toronto - also 6-10 - and if we somehow win the season against Tampa - we are 7-9 - it will only be because they've clinched everything and honestly don't give a fuck about humiliating us anymore. 

Every AL East tie-breaker scenario leaves the Yankees without a seat when the music stops. Unless we steal a game tonight - that is, we win and Boston loses - the Yankees must sweep at Fenway, and for all its ups and downs, this team does not display that kind of heroism. 

In fact, if I had to pick the True Yankee Hero of 2021, it would be radio announcer Ricky Ricardo, who braved a flood to save The Master. Nobody has beaten that performance - or even come close.

Thoughts heading into the vortex: 

1. All this otherworldly happy talk about returning pitchers - Tailon, Loaisiga, German, Severino, Kriske - has a weird Sunset Boulevard vibe, and I feel like William Holden, stuck at the bottom of the bannister while the old lady creeps my way.  The YES announcers act as if something incredible is about to happen - the My Pillow guy has nothing on them - as all these Olympians make comebacks.

Sure, if they all return and pitch well - (while we're at it, let's add El Chapo, Mean Chad and Kluber!) - it would be a formidable boost. But they'll have to self-resurrect in Fenway, or the Rogers Center, without showing any rust, to pitch at the top of their game. 

Right now, here is our staff:

Cole (coming off his catastrophic loss)
Montgomery (holding firm)
Nasty Nestor (starting to crack?)
Kluber (improving, maybe?)
Fifth starter - Heany, King, Green, Holmes, Luetge, Peralta, Rodriguez, Abreu, Rodriguez and Severino.
Closer - Aroldis Chapman (don't get me started.)

Obviously, we can use an infusion. But parachuting guys from the IL directly into Fenway? Yeesh.

2. While we're yeeshing... check out Boston's stats over the last 15 days. Yikes.

Frankly, I don't know what to make of this. If Bobby Dalbec has finally arrived - and he's a .300 hitter - well, this blog should start devoting itself to Bridgerton, because we are fucked. Also, they have won without Rafael Devers and/or JD Martinez, and those two guys always kill us. 

Can we hold three ninth inning leads against this team... in Fenway? I'll be happy if we can take two in Boston, then two against Toronto, then two against Tampa. We go 7-3 down this stretch and hope the tie-breaker doesn't kill us. 

And if we lose tonight, we're probably never going to find The Last Fry. It must have burst out of the bottom of the bag.


Celerino Sanchez said...

You mean batting averages are better if they are above .250. After watching the "Bronx Bummers" all year I thought BA was supposed to be low like golf scores.

HoraceClarke67 said...

Leinstery, here is the official explanation for those abominations the Red Sox are wearing, from a site called "MassLive":

They initially wore them on Patriots' Day weekend, but supposedly:

"Some players asked to wear them again. And so Boston will wear them again when it kicks off its final regular season homestand tonight."...

HoraceClarke67 said...

Here's the official explanation:

“The City Connect uniform adopts colors that honor the spirit of Patriots’ Day weekend, and features ‘Boston’ in a stencil font across the chest paying tribute to the Boylston Street finish line,” the Red Sox said in a statement in April. “The numbers ‘617′ are highlighted on the left sleeve as a nod to the area code for Boston and Fenway Park. The numbers appear within a racing bib, honoring one of the city’s most iconic annual sports traditions.”

“We viewed the City Connect collaboration with Nike as an opportunity to celebrate the spirit of a weekend that is uniquely Boston,” Red Sox chief marketing officer Adam Grossman also said in the statement earlier this season. “The departure from our traditional style pays homage to that iconic weekend, and recognizes Boston’s boldness, culture and creativity.”...

HoraceClarke67 said...

"The numbers appear within a racing bib"?

They're wearing the local area code to connect with "the spirit of Patriots' Day weekend"? It's a tribute to "Boston's boldness, culture and creativity"? I don't even know what this crap means.

This whole promotion is the faceless, soulless entity known as MLB at its worse. They hook up with World Sweatshop Leader Nike, to "connect with communities" by wearing these ugly travesties.

It is, of course, just one more chance to create gear for the suckers to buy, in the time-honored tradition of MLB's "tributes" to our military and to breast cancer victims—and all the more appalling for it.

MLB wants to "connect"? How about a moratorium on holding up cities for billions of dollars to build new stadiums that have fewer seats than ever but more luxury boxes? No? Well, in that case I got your boldness, culture, and creativity right here...

At least this has got to bring bad juju to the Carmine, excuse me, Jaundice Hose.

ranger_lp said...

Hoss it's another way to make money off of team apparel...the City Connect thing "sounds good". MLB want to do this for all of the teams eventually, so I don't know what a Yankee City Connect uniform would look like?

JM said...

The Yanks have already been in touch with the City Connect people to do a "uniform" for us.

Which reminds me that my late friend Mark, a Red Sox fan, always called the Yankees the Yank Me's.

A good name for this season's team, I think. Maybe the City people can put that on the "uniforms" they're designing for us.

As for Boston's six-game win streak and .300-plus averages recently, I say one word: Baltimore. If our pitching is great--as it has been for some stretches this year--we can win. If it's not, we'll have plenty of time to watch the Bob Ross documentary.

ZacharyA said...

Even if the Yankees sweep the Red Sox at Fenway (and let's be serious, this isn't going to happen), I don't see how they stay ahead of Boston in the final standings.

After the Fenway series, the Yankees play 3 vs. the Blue Jays and 3 vs. the Rays.

The Red Sox play 3 vs. the Orioles and 3 vs. the Nationals.

Way too many free wins remaining for Boston.

The Archangel said...

JM, may we officially steal the phrase, "Yank Me's" ?

It is as if written by The Bard

The Archangel

TheWinWarblist said...

The Yankees cannot do anything of the sort.

Doug K. said...

I have a few suggestions for what the Yankees "City Connect" uniforms/merch should look like but, at a minimum, the merch should be 2X as expensive as any other teams.

In keeping with this year's team construction, each article of clothing should "play out of position" so the baseball cap is worn on the hand and the "cup" on the head.

The uniform should also have a series of strategically places holes.

As to the New York tie in (while keeping in mind the current state of the team) I suggest taking the color scheme from a NYC Garbage Barge. Slow moving. Filled with other team's refuse. Very expensive and destined to just float around doing very little. (HT to El Duque's Death Barge)

They could also bring back the Pizza Rat logo from the now defunct Staten Island Yankees.

Highlights of red and orange can be used to simulate a dumpster fire.

Rufus T. Firefly said...


There's a restaurant/bar near our place in Vermont that plays the Bob Ross channel continuously (who knew it existed?). People complain when they change the channel. It's very soothing, in a 70s man perm sort of way.

Doug K

Agree, and impressed, with everything you said except the orange highlights. Too giantsish.

HoraceClarke67 said...

Oh, baby, I love it, Doug K.!

And yes, ranger, I get that they are just doing this to have more gear to sell. That's what makes it even more disgusting than the uniforms themselves.

I think this all lies at the heart of my feelings of malaise with 21st-century America. At heart, I'm a traditions guy. Oh, not for all the truly awful traditions we have, genocide, racism, runaway capitalism, etc.

But you have a great uniform that's become beloved for years? Honor it! You have a great game that's withstood the test of time? Honor it!

And get off my lawn!

Anonymous said...

@Hoss, that's exactly what I thought when I saw the Jaundice Hose. To call it disgusting is being kind.

Does it ever occur to these MLB numbskulls that perhaps the time honored traditions, including the uniforms, are comforting to most baseball fans? Oh, I'm sure there will be a few who like to re-invent the wheel every single day, but I believe most baseball fans don't like all these stupid gimmicks. Just rubs me the wrong way. Especially now when I'm starting to hear about the possibility of a LOCKOUT this winter. WTF? Hey MLB & Paul Effing Manfred, can you guys get your heads out of your asses, stop it with these stupid gimmicks, and run the major leagues properly without labor disruptions? Is that too much to ask? I'm just looking for some professionalism and competence.

The Hammer of God

Anonymous said...

" I'll be happy if we can take two in Boston, then two against Toronto, then two against Tampa." Duque is partying in his head like it's 1999.

DickAllen said...

A lockout in the winter?

Who cares?

Last time I heard they don’t play baseball in winter.

The same way Aaron Hicks doesn’t play baseball in summer.

Anonymous said...

"Last time I heard they don’t play baseball in winter.
The same way Aaron Hicks doesn’t play baseball in summer."

Good one.

Doug K.

ranger_lp said...

Yankee Roster Moves...

09/22/21 New York Yankees activated RHP Domingo German.
09/22/21 New York Yankees optioned CF Estevan Florial to Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders.
09/22/21 New York Yankees sent RHP Jameson Taillon on a rehab assignment to Scranton/Wilkes-Barre RailRiders.